'that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them.'
Ok guys so i'm sorry for total randomness of this blog but i'm sitting here in tears thinking about this so i really do need to get it out...as many of you know now (yay to blog openness) i'm trying to bring myself out of depression and out of self harm, which in turn has bad effects on my mood. Today i was really down and everything that could go wrong went wrong and i already felt like total shit so yeah...it was not exactly great. I just wanted to write a blog about two friends of mine who literally gave me reason to live today, and they are Roshni and Courtney...and what i would like to add here is that i hope this blog can prove to you how time between how long you have known someone has no relation to your friendship status...Well Roshni, i have known her since about 2006 i think maybe...maybe before that i'm not 100% sure but Courtney on the other hand i have known only just coming up to two years.
I'm trying to get across there that there is a major time difference in how long i have known these girls but yet they still impact me very much so.
Ok well..I don't even know where to begin because this is super hard for me and i get totally emotional either way...ok...so lets do Courtney first. Basically we have got into this thing at night now if we cant sleep of skyping and making ourselves laugh...both of us are going through trouble with certain men right now and because of that it means we literally can relate to each other alot, i think we must have spoken for more than a day about the subject recently if you added it all up. I love how we can come up with stupid ideas for songs and for rewriting songs....for example we are currently rewriting Adele's someone like you to fit the image of Courtney's ex, and we are practically dying with laughter at how stupid but at the same time how correct the song sounds...we even got it in time woop :) But yeah...literally we have been talking for the past 5 /6 hours and the only time stopped was when i was like 'oh roshni asked me to call her' and that was for about half hour forty minutes.She'll keep me going when im about to cave in...like last night i wanted to keep making myself sick and she kept on and on talking to me, just so i couldnt go and do that, she kept me safe. Literally she will send me things all the time that its unreal, please check out her blog!
http://courtneysimagination.blogspot.com
As for Rosh, well i can put this easily...she knew i was having a hard time tonight with all so she messaged me asking me to call her, and ok she had to do that quite a few times before i actually rung her, and even then i took forever to go through my phone, find her number and call hahahah! Well this girl...i have literally never heard a voice of reason as strong as she brings to me, i love how she overpowers any bad thoughts and feelings, and i also love how i open up to her 100%, i cant think of anything she does not know about me, and well, she helped me alot...she helped me realise that what my illness was doing to me was just that, an illness and there was no fact in it, nobody, who i thought was planning to kill me prob is. She also reminded me that paranoia is a thing that i have always had, and maybe that recently due to certain events they have now turned into 'real voices'...so technically i am making myself ill, which is good...i mean i can see it on a good level. trust me when i have people saying my best friends are out to kill me to be able to see it from a point of view like that i felt alot better. I mean we spoke about other stuff to but that voice of reason Roshni brings always keeps me going. I actually adore her.....I really consider her a true friend, the type that are very rarely found.
Both girls when you read this, if you see it (ok Courtney i know you will for sure) Please know that i love you endless amounts and i would not have got though tonight without you both. You dont realise that something you do anyway can actually change and have such an impact on someones life. I am so blessed, so blessed and i dont think i would ever want to change a thing about it. You help me to realise what really matters. Thank you both for putting up with me. You really didnt have to....!
I love you
Thank you xxxxxx
'And because i knew you, i have been changed for good'
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