24th October 10:15pm

I wish that you could be here now, I wish that you had not been called home. I wish i could know if you were proud of me. Since youve been gone I've changed so much in many ways and i just want you to give me a sign that im heading down the right route for the first time ever. I want to make you proud i really do and not knowing if im doing a good job or not can make my vision blurry.  I think of the lion king lyrics. 
'He live's in you, He lives in me, He's watching over, Everything we see, Into the water, Into the truth, In your reflection, He lives in you.' 
I think of them alot and i realise you will always be alive within my heart so i just really wanna know if im doing it the right way. I want you to know that you were and always will be my hero, you were like a dad to me, something i will be eternally grateful for. To be perfectly honest, I dread this time of the year...the build up to Christmas, one without you in it and every year it's meant to get easier but it never does. I'm scared that as the years go by my memories will grow weaker until i have nothing left at all, if that happens my heart will break. I love you, and i miss you, both so much! It just gets hard sometimes, in many ways, even though time is a healer in general, it never gets easier. I would love to have you back please. I miss you grandaddy. 

20th October 2:04am

Ok so here we go with the first out of my book  :)  They are actually quite old but i have only just this second got around to posting them and for that im sorry! :) 

LOVE, something that can overcome anything, that costs nothing...it's free. Money can't buy love, possessions can'[t buy love. Love is untouchable Love is true, Love is to me, the closest thing that this world will ever get to perfect. It helps a person to grow, to be strong, and to keep breathing, no matter how hard the situation gets. As human beings, love is the vital ingredient to make a life complete, love is everything, and can be anything. Anything that inspires a change within yourself. Love is a hug from a friend, a smile from a stranger, even the sunshine when it warms your heart soul. It could be the spirit of a loved one that passed away, that split moment when you feel them beside you as if they had never left, and thats why love is so amazing, it has this power, a power hardly no one can see.

I love you is a term said to much, but at the same time, it's not said as often as it could be. People will loose faith in love because it's been used out of context. The words 'I love you' should not be thrown around, and only spoken when it is meant from deep within the heart. At the same time, 'I love you' is not used enough. People are taken for granted, not on purpose, sometimes people are simply too afraid to utter the words i love you, but then the circle of life intervenes and it becomes too late, that loved one is gone and you sit there full of what if's? and could be's. NO DAY BUT TODAY. Make a handprint upon the hearts of others and spread the love. It's beautiful and could change this entire planet if people were to give it the chance.  Love is all you need. FACT.

Edward :)

Thinking back to before i had Eddie and i can't believe i was alive, because that horse now has literally become, my life. I want to be with him the entire time right now and he is keeping me strong and going. That horse, well within a  just under a month i am head over heels in love, and everyday i think I cant love him more, but then i see him and my love for him increases...i know i dont love him as much today as i will tomorrow...but i also feel like its not even possible for me to love him more. 

sleepy horsie 

So this week has been amazing, Emma and I have been able to get in loads of beautiful hacks out in the countryside around where Eddie is stabled, and I've also got to spend literally all day everyday with him. He has my heart completely, he's little quirks just make me laugh all the time and he will always know how to cheep me up, i literally can honestly say i do not know how my heart beat  with him not a part of it.  I would die for him, lay down my life in a heartbeat. He is such an amazing horse he truly is.  I am so blessed Emma let me have him :)

So today when i got down the yard i found Eddie in the back of his stable munching hay like always. Emma was just finishing up riding her beautiful little pony Caraid in the dressage arena, so before she came in i gave Eddie is little morning fuss, and, as per normal in typical Eddie style i ended up with a slobbered hand and arm when he decided to lick it after i fed him abit of bread. 

When Emma came back in we went for a short hack out before her driving lesson, oh he was so perfect, i love how that horse knows im in pain with my foot still, and hes always extra good and extra still when i mount up because he knows it hurts me abit to ride so he wants to make it as good for me as possible. When Emma went to have her driving lesson i stayed behind at the yard to clean some tack and give Eddie a little pamper session  that horse...oh my gosh he fell asleep whilst i was grooming him :)  He totally loves the rubber curry come being rubbed in circular motions so i was doing that for about half and hour and to look at his face to see her was asleep, bless his little heart i love him so much its unreal....So i actually got to spend a good hour just giving him cuddles and grooming him and cleaning and preening and pampering and he loved it i think more than what i even did...

new rug from derby house 

By the time Emma had got back we were ready to go out on another ride again, Emma was taking Hayley's horse Summer as she was not well that day and couldnt get down the yard so it was nice to get to hack out with different equine company!!! Eddie was so excited all he wanted to do was prance about, spesh after we done just a small trot! but he was listening and when i told him he had to walk he done it, so he deserved his huge neck rub when he got back in his stable. I was so exhausted i just sat on his back for five minutes hugging him and he just put his head down and ate his hay not bothered at all... 

I love him, i just wanted to write a blog about how special this horse is to me and how grateful i am to Emma for letting me have him...He is my life...I'm so blessed :) 

PS:  I would love to reccomennd the wonderful Derby house for winter turnout rugs this year, here is a pic of Eddie in his brand new one that we managed to get for , £45 although normally £79.99 :)

Sorry for the lack of blogs!

Im so sorry for the lack of blogs over these past two weeks but ive been so busy being down the stables all day and everyday! So first of all i am LOVING having a loan horse, it's literally the best thing that has ever happened in my life, even if he does make a huge dent in my bank balance ( i treat him like a prince) hehe :) 
Iv'e been able to spend alot of time out in the fields for hours upon end on horseback and it literally is one of my most favourite places in the world to be.
So today was my brothers 18th and my mom took us all out for a meal, i was pretty pissed off because i'm too fat to be in a restaurant, and to make matters worse i did end up eating. But my best friend literally brightened my day by saying i can go with her to see the lion king in the west end for free, sooo that's in November and i am super super excited for that...i know i will come out with all my make up streaming down my face though! it will NOT be a pretty site lol!
I have this book by the way because sometimes i will wake up in the middle of the night, or be sitting in a field somewhere where i cant get a computer and have a really good idea for a blog, or sometimes i just have alot on my mind...so in future, if you see blogs on here the have a date written up the top and time, that is because they were written at that time, I will try and get them on here at some point but i dont know when i just never have time for anything anymore!
Anyway im tired and i think i should go and try to get some sleep! 
Thank  you for being such a loyal group of followers and still checking up on my blog everyday to see if there is anything new i will try and get up super early tomorrow to add my ones in my book :) 
Love to you all xxxxx 

Klutz much?

So when i was in Germany doing the Young Americans i managed to break my toe, and like the retard that i am i then came home and was squeezing it into the only shoes that JUST about fit me and even the it was agony, my muckers, so i could go down and see Eddie. Well i'm starting to think that maybe that was a really really stupid idea, because i am in agony now, pure agony, and its my foot now thats swollen and painful not just my toe...whoops...so when i met my beautiful Alice for a starbucks today i had to walk in with this dumbass strap on medical shoe thing because i can't get anything else on  expect for the muckers, and A: walking around in them would not be fun because they are still REALLY tight and it hurts like a bitch. B: not exactly good to walk around in when they are covered in mud and horse shit and C: I thought that give my foot more room would help...I certainly got stares...alot of them, but hey who knows maybe i'll start a new fashion ;)

But saying that, today was awesome and ok im sitting here nearly crying where it hurts but walking around and getting to see my best friend after months was something i really was in need of. Alice understands everything i am going though perfectly because shes going though it all too so it's just so easy to open up to her and to say what is on my mind. After starbucks i decided i wanted top get a new songwriting book, because i finished my other one last month and need a new one really..I've been writing my music on random bits of paper and they keep getting lost everywhere which is annoying when i have spent hours working on one thing. And well...i found these books...BEST FIND EVER and ok, they were really expensive for what they are but i dont really care, it's something that i told myself i 'had to have haha'. Here's a pic so you can all be jealous ;)  hehehe. 

Hope your all well, thank you for passing my blog on so much your all so inspirational :)

I am love

Today i woke up feeling really down within myself, full of hatred for who i was and felt in incapable. Ok, so i feel like that alot, all the time actually but today i was worse for some reason.  Then i looked at my wrist an saw a bracelet that i was given by a beautiful Young American called Olivia, I don't know why she gave it to me because i didn't do anything whatsoever, and i only met her at the very end of the second day, so it's not like we had time to get really close.  But anyway, at the end of the show i went over to say good bye to her and she put this bracelet around my wrist..
It reads on it 'I am love' and she said that whenever I look at it i should remember that i am loved...always...
The crazy thing about this bracelet was that the peace, heart and happy face sign on the opposite site is exactly the same as my tattoo on my hip :) 
Right so the actual meaning of this blog, today was a busy day for me, and i was stressing out over it...I managed to realise that i was trying to push myself too soon, that i was not ready to do EVERYTHING that i wanted to do and that i was trying to do, and maybe if i took a backseat for a little while and just reflected i would be able to get there, where i want to be, It might take longer but if it helps, the surely it's worth it? 

Lion king dance

'It's the circle of life, and it moves us all, though despair and hope, though faith and love..till we find our way on the path unwinding, in the circle of life.....'

So here is the link i was promising ages ago for the video to the lion king dance i done with the Young Americans. I know that i've written alot of blogs about the lion king in the past, and it's music, and lyrics will still remain a huge part of my life and heart no matter where i go.  THIS was the dance that changed my life. 
I wanted to share it with my readers because i think you are all amazing and you deserve to see a dance that is, so so beautiful in many ways. 
I love how i am always at the back with things, i always want to be at the back but for the lion king i actually dont mind being up the front because it means that i get to show to the audience what the song really means, although in many other ways it can mean anything, something different for every person.
In the video im up the front most of the time although THANK GOD its not good quality ( i think the lighting was incorrect when filming) because i looked a bloody mess, i was crying so much it was unreal.
But yeah, enjoy, this is the Young Americans, Fall cast 2011 in Kassel performing the lion king.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0lFkn7S8GE&feature=channel_video_title

so afraid to loose

I'm scared, I'm scared because i love you with all my heart.
I'm scared I'm gonna loose you sooner rather than later... 
I'm scared so scared i don't know what is coming but i have a fairly good idea... 
I don't want you to not exist anymore, I can't imagine that being a world. 
I need you in my life..I need you here with me, I need you by my side. 
I can't sleep, i try but I can't because all i can think about it you. 
It's happening all over again and i don't think i can take it.
Going though the whole messy cycle only minus you this time. 
I leant alot over the past two weeks or so, which i think is the only thats holding me in right now. 
Keeping me from breaking down and breaking apart. 
Nothing is ever final and i do see a light still even if it's dim..even if it flickers on and off and on again from time to time... 
I can't imagine my life being without you in it, because you have always been there, youve always been strong and helped me though everything, and what makes it worse is that most of the time i threw that back in your face, not because i wanted to, but just because i didnt know what else to do. 
I'm scared and I want for this to all go away now, i need for this to all go away... 
Dear god if you are up there, bring peace to this situation. 
Because i'm freaking out. 

Angel Calvillo

There was this Young American on this fall tour called Angel, who i had previously met when i was in the UK on the tour in 2010, that year i actually didn't speak to her, didnt really know her and who she was as a person, however, i was wrong to think that she would not as beautiful as she could be inside simply because she is SO BEAUTIFUL on the outside...

So take that, and add it to the fact to start with i really did not want to be there, it meant i pretty much tried to avoid people, and not talk to anyone, at this point i still thought angel was the same person i only THOUGHT she was a few years ago.

Well after singing class and alot of effort i sung one line of a song, and broke down after crying, i literally felt naked and exposed and that everyone was laughing at me and looking at me judging me.  I felt a hand on my shoulder and it was Angel and she asked me if we could go talk for abit...Well let's just say that  conversation was the one that changed my life, it also totally changed my view on her, io realised that just because she happens to be one of these stunning girls on the outside does not mean she cannot be equally stunning on the inside...and i know that...i already know that from past experience, so i don't know why i thought it this time...it was stupid and uncalled for and im glad i met her because she taught me that. 

I then was also speaking with this wonderful young american called Micheal, and well, he made me realise how hard i was being on myself and how stupid that was, he helped me to realise that it was ok just to let go in the young americans even if elsewhere i was scared.  Well by this time Angel had gone back inside and i was too scared to go over and speak to her...much much too scared...again my whole fear of the unknown was getting in the way of me living my life.
The next day i think we were in the middle of learning happiness or world medley i'm not too sure, and Angel came over to me and asked how i was today...that meant EVERYTHING to me, and i told her that i wanted to change... And i dont know how she done it or why she happened, i guess we both needed eachother to grow from at that time, , and i believe that she is the reason i went on that tour and i know she knows that too...And then when it came to performing shadowlands in the first town, as the dance finished, she looked at me and held my hand, it was just that connection for that short space of seconds before circle or life started but it meant so much, it gave me strength i never knew that i had. 
At the end of first workshop she handed me a piece of paper and said she had written something for me..well when i got home and read that letter i honestly cried so hard, because everything she had said was true, stuff that i KNEW was true but normally people would twist to try and make it sound better...Well i kept that letter with me for the next few days, whenever i was down i remembered that this wonderful honest girl thought i was strong, and beautiful and it helped me to keep my head up. 
In the second town i actually did not see much of her, and that was ok, but i still remember the second i walked into that hall she just stood there in front of me and held her arms open, and that made me feel so wanted...and actually i needed that more than ever because i was really struggling over the last few days...i needed her to be like that to help give me a reason to be there...

In singing class i even got up and sung an entire chorus of a song, something which I would have never done before, spesh standing up in front of quite a big group of kids...but i didnt care because even though i was scared i had angel holding my hand and telling me i was ok, and for once i believed her. I believed in what someone was telling me. 

I wanted to give her something back in return because i don't think she could have realised just how much she had impacted my life and i decided i would sing her a bunch of songs that reminded me of her, as the young americans always gave us a gift via music dance and song so i thought it would be apt to do the same for her....well actually up until the very last second i thought i was going to chicken out, but then i thought, what the hell, i dont matter that i will sing these like shit...what matters is that i done it....and that i sang from the heart, and ok some of them songs were bad REALLY bad, because i either forgot some of the lyrics and had to miss them out or sung completely out of tune...BUT when people walked by and looked at me i ignored them and carried on going....A big big change for me..it really was.. 

The entire cast this fall was amazing and each and every single one of them brought me out of my shell and made me a better person, if i had to write a blog for every one of them that changed my life then i think that i would be here forever because literally it would be almost all of them. The thing that made a difference with Angel though is that she stood and helped me grow, and i let down my walls to her alot more than i have ever done to a YA, and at the end of the day it was her taking me to the side after singing that gave the reason for that change, if not i would still be that scared person who is afraid to stand out. 

I know, that in my heart i will not speak to her or see her again, but what makes me smile both on the inside and the out is the memories and the knowledge there will be hundreds more people in this world that she will change lives of. 

Angel if you are reading this, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done for me over the past few workshops :) x 

Young Americans fall cast take two

Ok so second workshop, first of all it was a long drive away and i was feeling slightly nervous because i was going to be going to a town i had never been to before and also staying with people who i had never met. Well, on the journey to Gotha i saw some beutiful sight..like little typical German villages...like the ones you fnd in fairy tales nestled at the bottom of a mountain..actually abit like when my canadain twin and I took a road trip though Austria last summer...:) Then to add to that it was also a beautiful day and the sun was litterally beaming down on thwe endless fields and vast forests of trees....it was beautiful. I love how so much of Germany is back to nature and left to do what it wants to do,there is not youths destroying places just because they want to, just because they can.  About half way top reaching gotha, we pulled over by the longest fence i have ever seen in my entire life, it just seemed to go off into the distance for miles, and actually it turned out it really did, because it was the fence that seperarted east and west Germany, i thought that was pretty cool, I've not seen something like that before anyway

When we reached the actual town i really thought it was beautiful like REALLY beautiful, it didnt seem real as most parts looked like little handcrafted dolls houses...or houses only seen in fairy tales...so that afternoon because we had nothing better to do, we took a walk up a mountain to get a look at Gotha from ariel view, well, little did i know that this also meant climbing up the top of a spiral tower when i got to the top of this mountain, i actually felt sick to my stomach literally...i felt ill at the thought, so i ended up being angry with myself because i wanted to go up but couldnt because there would have been a severve puking incident....!!!

Right so the actual workshop, well when we arrived at the school we were taking workshop in, i literally had to stand there with my mouth open for about 10 mintues, it looked nothing like a school whatsoever, more like somthing out of rupunzel, i don't know why, it just made me think of that...it truly was breathtaking, ive never seen a school like it. When we went into the hall where the workshop was taking place i first thought they were joking because it was this tiny hall and hundreds of kids literally, to say spread it still mean you were touching someone else...however...the workshop was wicked fun.

I know i struggled abit being around so many people in one area at a time that sometimes freaked me abit and i needed to go out and get some fresh air away from crowds. In singing class i did meet though this wonderful young girl called jules and even though she was 5/6 years younger than me, she actually taught me alot that i needed to know about myself that i was too afraid to understand before...I know that i REALLY wanted her to do stick dance, i wanted it so bad that i asked if i could teach her it, just because i knew she would grow so much, but it turned out in the end ben picked her anyway so i was totally ECSTATIC with happiness :) It literally was the best feeling ever.!

So for the show day we moved to the main theatre in gotha because it was bigger and we very clearly needed it! All i kept thinking was holy crap i no doubt am going to have some form of accident here, the floor was ridiculously slippery i was falling all over the place..!

Any who the show, well that was perfect, but at the same time bittersweet because i knew i had to go home the next day and that is somewhere i was trying to avoid going at all costs...it was hard to say goodbye to some people...really hard...there were kids who i'd met who had inspired me, and changed me and made me laugh, smile or cry over the past three days and there were Young Americans that had completely changed my outlook on life and myself...saying goodbye was literally like having the this huge cramp in my heart that would not go away, i had a lump in my throat that seemed to be getting bigger and bigger over time... I have never had SO MANY of the cast saying the loved me and were so happy that they got to meet me..that made me feel very blessed...they truly were a spectacular cast, even the company director Tina was awesome! and as for Nartan, well,,.he has one of the biggest hearts in the universe.

Anywho this whole time since lion king, my little toe on my left foot had been in agony i landed funny on it in lion king and now i was really feeling it, well i have a broken toe, so technically i did end up having an accident at this theatre although not quite as big as i thought at first lol!

Im defiantly going to be taking more workshops in Germany thats for sure x

A quick message

just a quick message to say sorry for the lack of blogs over the past few days just waiting for the pictures to go with them and i can get writing again :)  But on another note i would like to take this opportunity to thank all my beautiful readers...ive not been online alot recently, which means lack of new blogs but i have still had SO MANY hits so thank you so much for that! It means alot that my writing is getting sent out there for others to read :)
Anyway check back soon :)
Love to you all xxx 

Young Americans Fall cast Germany 2011

Right so this blog, i dont think i am even going to be able to START and say how amazing, how simply amazing these last few days have been and how much i have enjoyed myself! So i first walked into this workshop practically shaking because i was so nervous, i literally did not know what was coming, if i would understand any of it, and if i was going to enjoy myself or not.
Well the first thing i realised when i walked though the door was that this cast was differnet, very very differnet from any of the casts i had ever met before when i had taken workshops in England, i saw it in them all, i saw it in ALL their eyes..i saw their hearts and that was just amazing, to be able and sit opposite 40 or so Young Americans, whom are all so amazing and so beautiful. When i learnt the first dance i worked with this AMAZING YA called Joanna and i actuallz have never picked up a dance as easy as i did that one, i think that, in my heart i felt comfortable with her, and with dancing in front of her like i did, and then when it came to dancing altogether and i was encouraged to be up the front and i practically crapped myself. I was worried about what people were thinking of me amd what were saying, and how bad i was dancing...how fat and ugly i looked, the list was endless...it stopped me enjoying myself 100%..it honestly did.
OH MY GOD the next part of workshop1 OH MY GOD OH MY GOD the next thing we learnt was choral ad oh wow there was this YA called Chanele  who was actually from Ireland but anywho...we managed to bond over the fact the we both buy mens clothes and cut them up to make them our own...literally i cant believe how awesome she is she made me laugh so much over the past three days...haha oman, we were learning this number called happiness which i think was in the second day, and this crazy YA was acting crazy at the front and fell backwards over a speaker,,well, Chanele and I thought that was hilerious, i was just about calming down, just about stopped laughing and she started again and set me off, thenn vise verse...i actually LOVE HER she is tzhis crazy ball of energy and happiness...she lit up my life from the very second she walked into it. I am so happy i got to spend time with her, and i have a very large feeling that after workshops end we wont see eachother again but i know im gonna do nothing but look back in years to come and laugh about the memories i have with her... :)
After we had a break we then learnt a dance based on Americas next top modall. a dance which i did not feel comfortable doing so i decided to not do and just sit and watch...i think that, if anything that remians the one bit of workshop i will struggle with now...for as many times that i do that in the future...but, it was because of me being a total idiot during this song that i got to meet a YA called Megan because she saw me trying to hide and just spoke to me, she made me realise so many differnet things about myself that i had not though about before...and oh my gosh i am enternally grateful for that. She was the start of the entire thingthat went on in this workshop that changed me forever.
Ok so i have more....this is gonna take forever im not even done with day one yet! So there is this part of workshop which up until THIS workshop i hated...literally hated with every part of myself  and that was when we had to sing on our own..we would sit in a group stand up one at a time and sing..this part...literally no lie made me feel sick to the stomach with fear, which was actually pretty retarded and pretty dumb thinking about it now but it held me back in every workshop i had ever done... So after alot of pushing from this amaying and verz beautiful YA called Chantelle i sung one line of let it be....and this next part part is the part of the workshop oh my gosh...so after i sung this YA called Angel, who actually lives up to her name, she came took me on my own said i sung beautifully and that she didnt know why i was always hating myself etc....and it was the talk with her...and then with this YA who came over called Micheal that made me realise how much i needed to change, when i came into the workshop the nbext day i literally had that thought inside my head that i did not give a crap what people thought of me, and i did not care about ANYTHING at all that had happened in the past, i only cared about the present and what was going on in my future......
I felt so much different and i enjoyed workshop so much more that its actually unreal, and when we learnt the rest of the show i just gave it my all, i dodnt care if i looked like a total fool, i just had fun, AH OH MY GOSH, when we were learning happiness two of the YA guys were acting the total fool and pretending to speak into bannanna and i think it was Curtis but i honestly dont know, he sdtepped back and fell backwards over a speaker that he didnt see was there, well it took all my effort not to fall on the floor with laughter, it was possibly one of the funniest things i have ever seen in my life, and having Chanele next to me who found it equally funny certainly did not help one little bit...the more i tried to stop laughing, the more i laughed, which is a actually really stupid because it was not THAT funny.
Now Lion King, remember all the blogs i had written about Lion king over the üpast few months, and that blog about a dance called shadowlands well i got to that once again and i actually feel i was blerssed to get to do that because i really thought that i would not get the chance and even when i did get the chance i was so close to giving it away, thinking that i already knew and had gotten enough from that dance, but i really was wrong..I danced centre sticks this time, and how i managed to get that is BEYOND me because the guy who picke3d me, well i had never spoken to him before then, i guess this is the thing the YA are here for though..that dance...well it made me even stronger, i will get the video on you tube asap and then post the link on here so you can all check it out because it really is worth taking the time to watch....i danced proper full out for the ENTIRE thing, even if i did look liek a prat ahahahah :)  
So somthing that my wonderful friend Nadine decided to do to give as a gift back to the YA was to sing them a song and we sung youve got a fruiend,well i got up and sung with just one other girl as a duet..i made one of the YA really cry, just because she knew me, and knew before that workshop i would never have done that, she also knew it was BECAUSE  OF HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE THAT I WAS DOING THAT. I am so happy i got to meet her, she knows who she is, and i dont know if im gonna send her the link for this yet, maybe, maybe not....but i was so blessed to have had her in my life for the three short days that i did :)
After if we hold on together, i was crying like a total baby (thats the shows finale) and this wonderful American called Loiva came over to me, took my hand and slipped one of her braclets around my wrist which nearly made me cry, and said whenever you are sad look at the this and remember that you are loved....i gave her one of the rings i was wearing the one that for me represented balalnce in life, because that braclet would have given me that now :)  I want5ed to give something back.  Thebn i had so many kids coming over asking me to sgn shirts and have photos with thema nd you know what it was just so beautiful because these kids, had never met me before, but they thought i was a YA bewcause of how id danced and even when i told them i was not a YA they said they did not care and that they still wanted photos and their shirt signed :)  agghhhh i love kids so much.
So that was OFFICALLY the end of the best workshop i have ever done, but im doing another one soon so most likley there will be another blog llike this haha :)
Love to all my followers in Germany right now the sun is shining i hope that is shining upon all your hearts and making you smile whereever in the world you are :) 

Eddie :) xxxxx

So today was awesome i finally got to meet my new horsie and spend some time getting to know him which was perfect for me :)  Ok so they day did not start off well, i woke up late and must have rush so hard to get ready panicking that i was going to be late for the time i gave my wonderful Emma to meet, then when we got on the car we couldnt get the sat nav to work and all i could think was can this day actually get any worse than what it is now? So eventually we got that sorted and were on our way...over an hour later and we are still driving, the stupid bloody sat nav got us totally lost, i managed to get us back on the right by using a simple road map, sometimes technology is not always the best thing...although it did take a quick call with emma to actually get the exact turn off which was hidden from the main road!

I actually was so excited because it's been my dream for so long and now finally it was going to be coming true and that was just to amazing for me to begin to understand, let me tell you now that Edward is the most beautiful horse you could ever find literally. He is simply amazing, i remember when he was at my other yard and now well he is just a different a horse! one to one tlc certainly has helped bring him on alot. Although i think thats just the fact that Emma is such an amazing rider i couldnt believe him, he was just perfect. 

So while she went off to groom her other horse Caz she left me with Eddie to bond over some grooming time together...and well...he is just the cutest thing! In a way i wish he wasn't nearly 17hh i wish he were like one of those tiny little ponies because then he could come live at home with me...he is THAT cute.! I was brushing down his back legs and turned round to find he had picked up a brush out the grooming box and had started grooming himself lol, i actually nearly cried it was cuteness overload...It's amazing how interested he is in everything, he wants to know what you are doing and he's little habit if having to suck on everything is adorable i really thought he was going to bite me at first when he was nibbling on my hand but not once did that horse bite me....

Anywho so when i first rode him, Emma told me that he had very sensitive sides because of how he had been ridden in spurs previously, well because im used to having to use ALOT of leg, i thought she mean that i still had to give him a firm nudge to walk on..I was wrong, because the second i put that leg around that horses girth he went and by 'went' i mean bolted, all i could hear was the wind going past me, i have NEVER gone that fast on a horse before, well i have, but i have asked for it...there were a few moments when i really did think hello floor because i was sure thats where i was heading...but thank god i didnt...

Then after i was over the shock of Eddie's little hyper moment Emma went and tacked Caz up so we could take them out though the woodlands near the barn...wow..he is amazing out there, and actually listens so much better that its crazy haha!

But oh my gosh :) when im back from Germany im gonna be spending my entire life there i guess...i know me and i know i will feel at home there cuddled up with Edward in his stable :) 

Anywho im off to go pack my case more because i actually should do that!  xxxxxx