Important blog - Please read

Well, for those who read my blog on a regular basis and come back every week or so to check up for new posts, will know it is odd of me when i beg people to read what i have written, generally i don't, because i fully believe that everything should be of your own free will, but recently things have changed and i feel this blog, now more than ever needs to be written, it contains some really important stuff and could potentially save lives so please pass on.

Depression is what i want to talk about because it's a subject that is tossed around too much, people who have it are sometimes considered attention seekers, or simply insane and dangerous and this angers me and hurts me alot because it's just stupid to think such absurd things. I'm not meaning to have a go, but i want people to understand that depression is a real thing, and a real illness...yes there are many people on medication for it (i'll explain more in a sec) but that does not give you any right to judged them and belittle them, would you judge someone on cancer treatment? or who is anaemic and has to take iron supplements? The answer is no you wouldn't, and the sad thing is that depression is a very real illness as well, and people do not see it like that at all. There are many arguments that the medication is pointless because 'it's all in the head when it comes to mental illness' well yes, it is, but most mental illnesses, part of the main factor is a chemical imbalance in the brain, just like you can get a sugar imbalance or iron in balance, it's exactly the same as that, and can be as equally as dangerous...it shouldn't just be brushed over because it's not well talked about. 

I want to urge my readers to look at the people around them for signs of mental illness, this can be anything from depression (mild), right up to manic depression and (potentetionally) suicidal actions. Just being able to notice once of these symptoms, holding out your hand for someone to hold, could easily be a matter of life or death. I think i have told you this before, but there was once a story about a man, and he decided that he was going to walk miles to this bridge and jump off because he couldnt stomach life anymore and felt unloved, however he said that one person smiled at him on the way, he would walk home, rip up the suicide note and get help...he jumped...and this is what i mean...i'm not sayin it's our fault, because sometimes the symptoms are not there, sometimes people can become incredible at hiding them but its just a matter of being aware... 

Symptoms include

• lack of social interaction (constantly making excuses for not going out)
• putting self down, calling self worthless, 'i would be better of dead' general self loathing
• appearing very emotional, (crying, not being able to smile, sitting quietly if they normally have a gob the size of Russia)
• Thinking everyone hates them (including friends and close family) 
• run down lack of care of appearance (speaks for itself)
• cut/graze/burn/slash marks, (these could be anywhere on the body although in most cases are hidden by the person in question)
• loss of interest in things that used to be enjoyed
• appetite or weight changes (this could also be a sign of an eating disorder 
• anger or mood changes  (this literally could go either way but normally its the feeling of helplessness, in some cases it might be extreme happiness followed by extreme lows and this is called rapid cycling and is normally associated with metal disorders such as bi polar.
• reckless behaviour...what is says really...not giving a damn and going out doing all sorts of dangerous things
• Denial..most people will deny they are depressed, or have an eating disorder, or are self harming whatever it may be

If you are worried about anybody you know then please do not go in guns blazing and have it out with them or whatever you want to call it, because if they really are depressed, i can assure you for a fact that that attitude will not help at all...it would actually make it most likely worse, because that person is likely to think you are 'ganging up on them' and when they are already feeling self loathing and that everyone hates them it will just make them think it more.

Depression is something that is hard to understand if you have never been there and quite honestly i feel it is best left to the doctors...be there for your friend or whoever the person may be, be a shoulder to cry on, show them love, encourage them, but don't try to fix them...because if anything was to happen, you are going to end up thinking that there should have been more you could have done, i've been there, i know the feeling and it's literally heart breaking, it rips you apart inside and it's hard to look towards the future.

Also another thing i just want to add, you shouldn't really take anything personally if someone is majorly depressed i mean if they say they are going to kill themselves or hurt themselves its important you let someone know but if you are trying to help and they tell you something like 'go away' or 'i never wanna talk to you again' it could just be the way they are feeling, give them time to breathe and calm down...with depression and metal disorders all you can try to do is be as understanding and supportive as possible
Ok, so i think I'm pretty much written out, this has been hard for me to write and i dont think i can do more, i just feel it was very important...  please note i am not trained in this, it's just stuff i know and have learnt though my life and if you want anymore information please speak to someone like a foctor or something...
MIND is also a very good website to check out xxxxx 

Building a friendship on no trust

It's crazy, that how as the years go by we can develop and grow and become more 'whole' again, no matter what has happened in our past...after being forced to not trust when you are small, to eventually growing up feeling and knowing that it is actually ok to trust. The sad thing is that that trust can be broken again by one small insignificant thing, or one person.
I've always been a very secretive person, 99.9% of my friends don't really know me, they dont know what has happened in my past, they dont know the rough patches i go though because i would generally rather not speak it out, yes a problem shared is a problem halved but i always have this issue of being a burden on others so i don't like it. I have something going on in my life right now that i have only told a few people, a few people of whom i am closest too and that i really thought i could trust...i can count them on one hand out of all the people i know. So there's this person, who was meant to be my 'best' friend, and she knew for ages something was going on and after getting a headache of pestering me for an answer and after a long think i decide i would tell her. She stood in front of me..cried, hugged me and swore to keep that to herself..promised me she would help me in any way possible.
I can't believe i even have to write what i am writing a blog that starts of the way it did, should not have to end with this, but that 'friend' has now told everyone she knows about everything, and whilst most people tell her to shut up, because clearly it's not her's to be telling and the fact that (most likely) she was making it out to be that i was dying or something knowing in her. THEN she had the cheek to turn round and blame others for it, and to deny even mentioning it, despite the fact i had an entire room full of people to back me up. I've lost my trust again completely, and this saddens me because it's taken me a long while to build it back up again from last time, it was even full trust, and now, well i feel like i am just back at square one again..I feel alone and i feel vulnerable, i keep thinking back and putting all those what if's? in but that never works and only makes the situation worse. It makes me mad too, trust is a beautiful thing, so beautiful, yet so so so delicate...it's sad that this can happen and things can change within a matter of seconds. 
You said you were my best friend? Well you don't know the meaning of the word friend, ler alone the word best put in front of it. I'm sorry but i don't think this relationship is one worth having in my life, you can't build anything on no trust.

When a loved one passes away

There comes a time in a life, no matter whom you are..age, class, race, religion, where you should just stop and pause...look around and thank god that we have our loved ones, the ones that mean the world and more to us. The thing is, we need to remember that nothing in life is guaranteed, at at any day, any moment, or time, they could pass into the night...and your chance to appreciate them, hug them, love them and spend quality time with them is gone...gone until you meet up again in another life. We need to see just how lucky we are to have them. Sometimes in life we need to give up on everything that makes us selfish towards others, no matter how hard that may be or seem....you should do it for the well being of them, and even for the well being of yourself. Sometimes to give somebody a better quality of life we have to give up something that is deemed a luxury, but for a loved one, are they or are they not, the greatest gift of all? 

Life can be a total bitch sometimes, trust me i would know..loosing people you love is never easy, and god always seems to want to pick the moment we are at our weakest the throw us in at the deep end without a paddle. It's about learning to prepare yourself for moments such as this. It's not going to take the pain away, by no means should it, everyone is aloud to grieve it is a right, but, if we can learn to detach our innermost feelings then when it comes to saying goodbye, when it comes to waving that loved one off to the next life, it will hopefully, in someway ease the gut wrenching pain you are feeling at the loss of this soul.

I know that there a moments in life where you will go though thinking you are completely dependant on one person..you consider them 'your heart'...i once heard a quote...

'Don't make someone your everything, because when they are gone, you have nothing'

this is true, but when you come to a crossroad in life and you have to choose between leaving your 'heart' behind and going with the path in which you are sure is your destiny, then sometimes leaving a little of yourself behind is a sacrifice worth considering, sometimes in the death of a loved one, you find it hard to leave the place in which they were laid to rest...but would they want that? for you to be tied up?  No...
Look back and think....'I've given all of the love i could give but now it's my turn to go out a live my life' it's ok to want to do that... 
take that leap of faith
spread your wings
and learn how to fly
'Don't go telling me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon'

Feed the world

'and there wont be snow in africa this christmas time, the greatest gift they'll get this year is life'

I've been thinking recently about this song alot, and yet again, it is a subject that comes up alot in my house at this time of year. I will constantly be talking about the children in places such as Africa whom have nothing. I think i drive my family to the point of insanity when i will constantly and forever go on about wanting to be the change, and make the change on this earth. Whilst here we take the snow for granted, most of the children out there have never even seen a snowflake in their life...and i know that now i am older snow can be a total pain, and being a horsie person, even more so...but i remember back to when i was a child and the HOURS upon end i used to spend outside in the winter having fun with my friends, tobogganing, snowball fights, building snowmen, making snow angels, and it saddens me that these beautiful children miss out, and ok, that is a part of being in a country such as Africa, when my friend came over for Christmas a few years ago from Jamaica she FREAKED out when she saw the snow, because she had never seen it before in her life, and she was an adult. It's things that we take for granted all the time, that they out there dont even get a chance to have. The greatest gift they'll get this year is life...haha the thing that gets me about that line, is that over here, everyone expects presents for Christmas..the expect a huge roast and for the non veggies, turkey with all the trimmings...Christmas is literally a time for pigging out...we get all of this, when out in Africa, the greatest gift they get is their life...? well shouldnt that be something that is guaranteed anyway..? why just because the live in a different country from us, should they have to spend their entire lifes worrying about staying alive, why cant they spend that time BEING ALIVE...there is a big difference...

I think as a country we are selfish, and i know i am going to get people arguing with me about that, but it's what i feel. Not just England either, i'm talking about all of the MEDC countries...i mean, do you REALLY need that extra pair of shoes? do you really need all that extra food over Christmas time? how about going without a little this year and giving to the third world countries...? We are all better of than those children...so there is still no excuse...it took my mum 3 years to save up enough so i could just have a party for my 18th, and she saves up all year and goes without herself just to give us things at Christmas, but even then...i give, when i get money i give instead of take...and im not saying im perfect because im not, i certainly do not value my own life enough, and thats incredibly selfish of me, but what i am saying is that no matter how much money you have, even if you can spare a penny, you could help to make a child's Christmas. We need to start giving and becoming one with eachother, not clone like but together as in no more fighting, and always sharing, equal rights for all.

So basically all i am saying is think of them please when, on the build up to Christmas you are out shopping, pop a few extra things in your basket and make sure they are sent for a charity.. one thing that i love, and one year i must have made about 30 of them and wrapped even more...the shoe box appeal, so if you dont know what that is could you please just google it and have a look?  I mean i was putting some of my old teddies in the and little party bag bits in each to make one box cost about £3:00 thats all....but i KNOW it helped to make a child's Christmas and is that not priceless?

'theres a world outside your window' there really is, and we need to accept that and make use of ourselves, sometimes it's easy to forget when your snug on the sofa with a hot cocoa and good book, but really..it's being a good human being.

thank you for reading this, please pass on this message to all of your friends, if by this i change at least on child's Christmas then i am happy xx

Lion King at west end :)

SO I FINALLY GOT TO SEE LION KING!!! yayayayay ok i need to calm it down so i can just say everything i need to say because im gonna have trouble doing it anyway because there is just so much and half of it i do not know where to even begin with it neither do i know how to start explaining. Well, let's just put it this way, it was breathtaking, from the second the lights went down and that first spotlight came up i was hooked...glued to the end of my seat with my eyes and heart full of wonder and amazement. This show, well i don't think anything can compare with it, and there are other musicals that still remain up top there for me, wicked, rent, and close behind les mis...but the lion king is right up there. I first of all start kicking myself when i first arrived, as we had these awesome seats where we could literally see EVERYTHING that was going on, on every aspect of the stage but the dumbass i was, i forgot my glasses and i literally am terrible with distance without them...i was sitting there thinking FUCK...but then i realised that i actually had a pair of binoculars in the seat in front of me so i was able to put some money into it and grab a pair of them. Lifting them up to my eyes i got to see even more of the show, i found myself captivated and drawn into the story, into the lives of these animals on stage, and let me tell you, the costumes are amazing, many times i forgot there were actually human beings up on that stage and not real animals, and i think for me anyway, that added to the entire magic that came with being at this show :)  This show left me feeling such an array of emotions there were times i were laughing so hard that i was practically laying on the floor, and at the same time, there were the times when i was crying cuddled up to my sister...The lion king really is powerful and i urge anyone reading this to go see it.  I am lucky to have got my ticket free but i would pay up to go see it again without a second doubt. It applies for all ages to, the group of friends i was with, ranged between 15 and 21, and we all thought it was spectacular....then there was an old couple sitting behind up, whom said the same thing, a young couple sitting on my other side, who i heard say 'wow best present ever' and there were two little children in the row in front...i would say no older than 6, and thats maximum and they were having the time of their lives, the loved every minute of it...i think that...for the kids seeing it all on stage makes their disney movies real for them, it helps them believe in dreams and gives hope, which i think is a very good thing to be teaching todays youth. They may be too young to understand the story underneath all the bright colors, and vibrant dances full of energy and sound, but then that is the part for the older children and for the adults...thats what i love about the lion king....it teaches all ages....every generation has a chance to grow from the message given though this show.

This morning i found out that my friend helen's friend was the guy who would be playing adult simba, and this made me super excited even more so because it meant i could feel some sort of connection, it's hard to explain it really is...but it's like, i felt pride for him because i know Helen, and from what she has told me he is a wonderful man, who deserves this chance more than anyone. He took my breath away from the first moment he walked on stage the energy literally rocketed and i didn't even think it could do that anymore lol! At the end of this song it was the interval and i text Helen to say to let her friend know he was awesome, and she told me to wait till i heard him sing endless night which is a song that always gets me emotional anyway (for personal reasons) and oh my gosh, i couldnt speak, no words can come to me when i try to explain what i saw and heard on that stage..no feelings can begin to go there..i felt every single word that that man on stage sung, he had such a presence about him...i couldnt even breathe through my tears.....pure magic.... 

But just oh my gosh....i loved every second of it, and saying what i said about endless night, well that goes for the entire show but that song just grabbed me more than it ever had before..it really was amazingly performed...I actually could write forever about the show, but i'm never going to find the right words simply because there are not any...it was epic..

Right, so on our way back home Katie decided she was hungry, (I'm so super jealous she can eat like a horse and yet still remain incredibly beautiful and slim, how she does it is beyond me. But we popped into tescos to fill up :) We decided to walk back though Covent Garden on the way back to the underground and oh my gosh i am now so hyper about winter wonderland which i am hoping to go to...if i am ok with the immense amount of people there but just like...Covent Garden in defiantly my favourite place in all of London and at Christmas, and at night nonetheless, it is even more beautiful :) HA! and then my klutz of a sister Alice decided to fall down the stairs at the station on our way back she just slipped, landed on her arse and dissolved into fits of laughter, closely followed by Katie and I who were on the floor next to her laughing equally as hard....i think everyone else found it funny, but not as funny as we seemed to find it.

As we jumped on the train coming home we were greeted with 'hell yeah we've got us some bitches and sluts' apparently it's Irish tradition to get drunk on the tube and try and hit on girls haha! So we were singing if your happy and you know it with them and they were doing this crazy dance with it whilst remaining sitting down and holding their drink! When we got off at the next stop they followed haha, but then were getting on another train (thanks the one slightly more sober one telling the others they were not going to follow us home!) so after going round kiss everyone goodbye, including trying it on with dean which i loved haha! We were off again minus our new found Irish friends!.. Then when we changed again at Liverpool street there was this Irish guy in the underground playing his flute *prompt the irish dancing* i will try and get a video of that up at some point, so bear with me on that! I actually love the Irish he was so friendly bless him! Defiantly was to go to Ireland now please!  Alice and Katie are irish so if they ever go home i guess i'll pop back with them haha....or i hope anyway :) Then on the way home we literally sung the entire way and even got the train joining in with us which was awesome, much to deans embarrassment....all we got from him was... 'i've had them for 7 hours, dont encourage them more' so of course that made the 'audince' join in more...although Dean was laughing which didn't help, he personally loved it i know :) 

But wow such an awesome evening, i really did enjoy myself. :) <3

Reason, Season or Lifetime

So my amazing friend just tagged me in this post, and im literally crying my eyes out now something crazy but at the same time its made me realise alot and made me realize that some friends were only meant to be in my life for a short period of time, most of them actually but this is just, overwhelming... 
i did not write this so own no copyright please be aware, no do i know who wrote it. 
Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown





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dance from the heart

So i feel like i need to write a blog about a girl i know, and i'm hoping she does not see this blog, actually i know pretty much she won't, so i can write what i want and not have to worry. I'm scared i'm gonna sound stupid etc etc.. 
I know this girl, and her name is Emma, she is one of the most fantastic dancers i have ever met in my entire life, she taught me to dance with feeling and she also taught me to love. Before i used to dance, and just dance because i was something i enjoyed i never realised how you can tell a story though how you perform and i am grateful to her for that. She was like my sister, because literally i could have told her anything and know she would not judge me or hate on me or anything nasty like that, in fact i don't think she has a single fibre capable of hate in her body....a few months back, she was going though a hard time, stuff which i'm not going into, and I sent her this song which i thought she would like to listen to, because she had helped me so many times and introduced me to so many things and i wanted to do the same for her. Well that song must have touched her because she made it into a dance video and put it on you tube, and thats why i wanted to write this blog, for that reason, to share that video with you guys. 
I love this and i only saw it again today when i was looking a dance stuff on facebook and that was on my history, im so glad i saw it again :)  There is not one bit of practice put in to what she is doing, she literally puts the music on and simply DANCES, and thats what i love. 
I want you to watch this video and look at her and i mean really look at her, look at the emotion in what she is doing, because the only word i can think of to describe it is 'magic, pure magic'...oh and listen to the lyrics i think they are very significant. 
I jsut REALLY think you should check this out :) 
THANK YOU :) xxx 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo6W7oxmVeU&list=FLwtxWBGnVln1MjjDfsNZPzA&index=12&feature=plpp_video

Tumblr

So i was just browsing through my tumblr, which is yet another thing i am obsessed with lol! There can be some really amazing stuff on there that is incredibly inspiring and makes me feel better if i am having a bad day, and i happened to stumble upon this blog called things that i'm grateful for. It really is such an awesome blog and i would defiantly recommend that you all check it out, from the group of consistent readers i get, i know that you will find this a veryy good read... :)
When i was looking through this i saw little things, even more things that i realised i was grateful for. The things that i would never even have thought of before.
I know this is just a short little blog but i thought i would share regardless :) 
enjoy :) x

http://im-grateful-for.tumblr.com/

ONE Declaration On This 'Beautiful Day'

Today , 11th November, I wear my red poppy with pride in memory of the fallen, for all the brave who stood for our country and fought, for those who lost their lives who's strength and courage lives on, years and generations later. They will not be forgotten, what they did will never be questioned to be anything but heroic.

Here is something i found which sums up how i feel completely. This poem shows everything that these heroes gave us by giving up their lives, by loosing limbs or becoming permanently disabled both mentall and psychically. 

ONE Miracle

ONE Breath
ONE Heartbeat
ONE Hug
ONE Smile

ONE Little Step

ONE Journey
ONE Destination
ONE Commitment
ONE Responsibility
ONE Friend
ONE Song
ONE Kiss
ONE Tree
ONE Family
ONE Puppy Full Of Love
ONE Promise

ONE Planet

ONE Sunrise

ONE Prayer

ONE Dream

ONE Decision

ONE Declaration On This 'Beautiful Day' *

Another miracle is glowing in your heart

May WORLD PEACE Be With You

May WORLD PEACE Be From You

May WORLD PEACE Be In You And Your Children

Will We Walk Toward GOD Instead Of Away From GOD?

See It

Feel It

Drink It

Dance With it

WE ARE ONE

11-11-11

Horsey full week!!!!

This week my beautiful and wonderful friend Emma had shows at college, and due to that was not able to get down the yard from monday- thursday so i had the pleasure of getting Eddie for those four days and also getting her Welsh section D caz (Caraid). This week, i think for me could not had come at a better time, my mood has been all over the place and one minute i am happy followed by the next crying, so to be able to spend my time in a place where i love more than life itself, it kept me on the correct path.
I know that Eddie done a good job at being there for me, more than perhaps any human being could. I wish i could explain to those of you who are looking at this now thinking i am nuts, but it really is one of those 'horsey' things that only the real 'horsey' people will understand, the ones who would put their horses needs before their own and would risk and arm and leg just to keep their equine pride and joy safe from harm. 
The other day i was in Eddie's stable sitting in a trough thing at the back where we keep some of his rugs, and i was upset, and crying and crying and Eddie stood there, watching me for abit...then after a few Mins (and after he had finished what he was eating typical man!) he came and lay down by me so i could stroke him, and ok i cried harder then but it was for a good reason because ive never seen a horse do that before, apart from in movies, and ok it was only for about 5 mins but it was like he knew i needed him right then. Today when i arrived at the yard i checked on him as if any horse is going to do something stupid it will be him, and then went to groom Caz because she is normally a thousand times worse than Eddie so so messy!, then as i came back Eddie had his head out his stable and he whinnyed when he saw me :) SOOOOOOO CUTE ! :) 
This week, well i have never ached so much in my entire life, the car smells of horses, my room smells of horses, my clothes smell of horses even though theve been washed, and i smell like a horse too.  But to me that is all a part of the fun of having a horse...horse owners are slaves, our horses train US to feed them, pamper them and love them, most things that people do for horses they would not do for a human being (sad but true) or at least a human being would not get away with it where as a horse would.  I'm happy i get a break for the next couple of days so i can relax but i know for a fact im gonna miss them and just be super excited about seeing my beautiful Eddie on sunday (and of course Caz too)
Horses really are magical, they lift me up and lend me the wings i lack. 

I'm going to America!!!!!

Ok this is something i cannot believe i only just remembered to get excited over this in a blog, but I'M FINALLY GOING TO AMERICA!!! and i am so excited, i have been dying to go to this country for years and years..pretty much my entire life and now it is happening and i am just so excited for it ahh :) 
So ok i can't do everything i was planning to do, because A: i have Eddie now and long term he keeps me 'stable' when nothing else does so i need to keep him with me and in my life. Also i really have been struggling recently so if i went for too long..well i just think that would be a very bad idea.  But still I'm going to be staying with my beautiful friend in Utah whom i haven't seen in what will be over six years by June :)  and hopefully i will get to go to Nebraska to see friends and meet Gweedo's parents i don't know yet...I don't think the rest will happen.. THIS YEAR, but if i wait for myself to get better fully then i can do like a whole crazy trip covering the entire country... 
list of states i need to visit friends in...  (ticked means complete...be prepared this may take some time) 

• UT
• NE
• CA
• MI 
• NY
• OK
• FL
• PA
• NJ

I should start soon :) and then of course there are places i actually want to go anyway in America, but hey i don't care, this is my first time in that country and i cannot wait..SO FREAKING EXCITED.. 

xx

PS: Oh the though of American cereals also excites me a great deal!! nomnom

Chanele

So i just wanted to write a blog about this AMAZING singer songwriter i was blessed to meet whilst performing with the Young Americans in Germany last month, her name is Chanele, and oh my gosh for those who have not heard her sing i urge you to take a listen! I'm actually super excited because she will be in England in the spring so even though i may not be taking workshop i should hopefully get to see her. 
What i love the most about her is that she has a beautiful heart to go with such a beautiful voice, and when i found out she was younger than me i couldnt believe it because she has such a wise head on her shoulders that its unbelievable.
The other day i was actually thinking about the YA half of the show and even though it was one of the smaller parts, the bit i remember most was when she sang Danny Boy which is a beautiful beautiful AMAZING song from her home country of Ireland. This song, its been really important to me because when my grandad passed away my friend sent me a link for that song, and sing then...it's remained firm within my head, and within my heart.  Chanele sung it so beautifully, more beautiful than i have ever heard it be sung before, even when you have these church choirs on TV, she sings better than them she really does.
Just oh my gosh she is so so amazing at guitar aswell i just simply am so inspired by her in every way possible.  I've had some dumbass people saying its not possible because shes younger than me, and i really think, that if they met her, they would take back that stupid remark within a heartbeat. 

She is also amazing at bringing confidence up, the first workshop i took with her, i stood with her for all of choral and i quite honestly did not want to be there, and dont get me wrong, i love singing and dancing and acting pretty much more than anything in the world but at this point i wanted to go home, and Chanele, well she was just a happy and bubbly person and she helped me to relax and let go, and i enjoyed that workshop so so much more because of it :)  In the next workshop i was then able to her her do that job again with other kids who were afraid to sing and be truly free within the music..at the end of that workshop i had people (kids) saying thank you and that i was amazing and thank you for the support when we sang..and it's crazy because i actually learnt that of Chanele, the choral was all because of her..so in a way...she changed all the people who i helped too :) 

But ok, the only thing i feel bad for now was than when she asked me to sing i wouldnt, so this here is a promise i will sing for her when i see her, I'll take my guitar and sing the song i wrote that was inspired by her...but i do have no intention of sending this to her mwhahhaha so (fingers crossed) the million to one thing will not happen and she won't find it.

I want you all to check her out though because her music is AWESOME, Eddie is actually an Irish breed and whenever i sit in his stable with him ill play videos on you tube of her voice and he sticks his ears forward and tries to eat my phone! so see even horses love her!!! (and clearly he's also DEAD proud of his roots :) ) 

Here is the link but like, there are so many videos, i was going to pick a few out but i couldnt decide so enjoy!!! :) x 

http://www.youtube.com/user/XxchanelexX

Their are some right evil barstards in todays world.

Today i was down my yard in the morning filling up Eddie's water bucket and i saw a warning note that had been posted by our yard manager as a warning about the recent things that have been going on in the area that i live in. I want to tell everyone because i think its something important for horse riders all over England to be aware of just in case, so just basically keep an eye on people who look like they are up to something. A few weeks ago a thoroughbred in my riding school yard had it'[s throat slit and got killed. It was a privately owned horse so i didnt know him really well but i d know that no horse deserves that, and then in their paper yesterday i read about yet anther case where the horse had been so badly sexually abused whilst out in her field at the night she had to be put to sleep. There is apparently more cases aswell. 

Eddie <3

I cannot understand the society we live in today, why people have to stoop to these measures for a sick form of entertainment, years ago people would never think of doing that...well ok you had a few, but nothing like this. EVER. Iwas talking to my friend this morning who lives in wales, at the yard where her horse is kept a group of these fucked up youths got in and let fireworks off right in front of the horses. It's sick, just fucking sick. 

Alot of people are thinking its about some stupid rituals..and even then i do not understand how people can do that to a living creature, this world is getting worse. We have all the gadgets and places to hang out nowadays and instead so many people decide to go damage and mutilate an innocent creature.

I just wish things like this would stop and that people will se what they are doing...when i saw that today i wanted to break down and cry, when i gt home, i did cry. 

I love horses with a passion and they are something really important to me and to my life. I would never just stand there and not take action if i saw that being done, and i dont know how a whole group of people can stand there and either do it or watch..just what the hell...

I do know though that i'm very protective of Eddie and of Spirit and Jay at eastminster, i can't imagine what would happen if something like this happened to them.. 

I want the people doing it taken to court and put in jail for the rest of their evil lives.

A proper horsie day!

So today Emma and I decided we needed to get a few new things for the horses now the winter season is coming up, and managed to con her poor grandad into driving us all the way to a huge sadderly place called ingatestone..we made a list of things we needed  to get which was.. 

• New overreachers
• exercise rug
• long reins
• feed suppliment
• horse bib
• stirrups

Well lets just put it this way, it's a horsey heaven, literally you totally loose track of time haha! We were in there for four hours in the end, and we could have quite easily stayed longer, we just had to get back to muck out.  Oh and our shopping ended up huge in addition to what we actually intended to get!!!!!

• 3 pairs of boots
• 5 rugs 
•  horse toys 
• horse licks
• horse treats
• a new coat for my dog lol 

We only stopped when we had run out of money, there was SO much we picked up but had to put back after deciding what was needed more and what would benefit the horses :)
Once we got back to the yard and packed everything away and groomed the horses we had the most beautiful hack around the fields..
I really am so blessed to have such a beautiful loan :) 

yet again sorry for the lack of blogs

ok first thing i feel i must say is i'm sorry yet again for my lack of blogs finding some time to sit down and write has become something rare for me! I would like to thank all my AMAZING followers though for all your support i'm amazed at how many hits im still getting everyday even though im not updating anything, it means one hell of alot keep on doing so and passing it on it means alot to me and of course i will do the same for you, as i have done for some of my friends before. :)  Talking about that you should check out my friend Daisy's blog is freaking amazing...i cant get on her page right now :( but there is a link on my page so just go on there :)
So the past few weeks I have been literally spending every moment at the stables with Eddie and i love it the only problem is that i cant get facebook there much because the signal is so bad grrrr!
I have a lot of blogs to write, both as updates and of my feelings, this may take a while i have so many to write but please bear with me.!
thank you followers.