Alaina Wood

I remember a few weeks back actually saying i would put this blog on and its stupid because its only just going on now but here it is :)  

i have this incredible friend called Alaina and i really felt the need to write something after spending more time with her in her home a few weeks back. 

Well i met Alaina about 6 1/2 years ago now taking my first YA workshop and that is the one where you had the whole thing going on with Gweedo...its crazy because i never really  got to speak to her in the time we were actually together and in the time that i were taking the workshop that year but we got talking after on myspace....yes my space it was that long ago, and i ended up regretting the fact i didn't go hug her all the times when i was dying to inside. Well anyway last year i was talking about her about the fact i wanted to visit America, and i knew in my heart that she HAD to be one of the people i needed to meet this time around...six years...well its stupid and awful...When she turned around and said i could stay with her i was in so much shock...so as a thank you i took her with me to Michigan and Nebraska with me too.  

This woman, she's just incredible and i think that spending almost two weeks literally traveling with just this one person i got to learn that even more so... in fact i learnt a lot more about myself when i was with her... i learnt that for a fact, there is such thing in the world as forgiveness and that people don't judge you for your past, i mean, ok she didn't know anything about my past...but... she never once judged me on anything that i told her and i mean anything.. This woman is kind, compassionate and caring and i literally couldn't believe she would give a crap about me... I know one night i got really upset...whilst we were in Michigan i think (not saying why trust me i had reason to be) and Alaina let me cry on my own for a while... (i have this thing when i'm upset if people come near me) she gave me some space that i needed and you guys on here cannot imagine what that meant. Normally when I'm crying i find it hard to breathe anyway and even more so when my heart is hurting like it was that day, so when i have people all over me, hugging me and trying to 'talk'.. it really does make everything worse i feel suffocated then i  end up getting angry and panic more....not good...Well anyway Alaina gave me time to calm myself down and then go to her to get a hug...on my terms and then sat hugging me for hours without moaning or complaining....i feel like...for me..that is a real friend..a person who understands you, even if they don't feel the way you do.  In Nebraska when i got to meet up with Rhonda i was so scared and so nervous and having about a 1000 mini panic attacks on the plane there...Alaina was the one there the entire time...i think that...i wouldn't have got out the if it had not been for her coming with me, and you can see by my previous blog that going to nebraska was the best thing i ever done...URGH i just have so much to be thankful for its unreal...even the subbing me money for the rest of the trip...

Please google her fitness company Alaina Wood Fitness (she has a blogger too) and if you are in the provo area of Utah maybe run along to one of her classes.. she really is awesome..such an incredible person.  

Alaina i love you, thank you so much for everything you have done.  I hope we meet again 

Meeting Gweedo's mom finally

Ok well...i REALLY want to write about michigan and everything but that would take me wayyy to long as would talking about my whole trip so im just going to write about this one, because it's something ive been dying to do for 6 years, and theres been so many chances and so many opportunities then something would happen blah blah, and plans would go out of the window.
Well do you know i am FOREVER going on about Gweedo and the Young Americans cast of 2006? Since everything happened i have always wanted to meet his mom and his family...i wanted to be able to show them in person what her son had done without even being there...how much this incredible being and soul, had changed my life so much. 
I remember that i felt sick with nerves before i met her...so sick...and alaina was telling me over and over that it would be ok. I was to scared that Rhonda would hate me or some over thing like that.... The second i met her though i KNEW that was different and i knew that she was this amazing incredible person everyone made her out to be and whom i felt she was in my heart...there were a few tears i have to admit that..from all sides. when i first hugged her it was like..i.cant.believe.that.this.is.happening, finally i was there seeing this woman i had been wanting to meet for what seemed life forever...
Just being in nebraska with her was the most perfect thing in the entire universe...for anyone who has not been the let me tell you it is the most beautiful place in the world...like so pretty...and so perfect...ok a little too hot during the summer time but good all the same...
When we got back to her house she literally showed us where everything was, and said welcome home, her house instantly felt like home too...in dont know why i think it was just her heart or something i dont know...i felt right at home from being so freaking scared at the start.
I was pleasured to get to play Gweedo's guitar....that brought along a few tears but oh my gosh i felt so great and so honoured, and happy....it meant alot to me to be alloud to do that, and all i kept getting told was 'he would so wanted you to have played that it's ok of course you can'
On the first night we sat up and watched the 2006 DVD for the show at my town...it was emotional, but at the same time i laughed all the way though...it was pretty much the same i always do just with Rhonda and Alaina crying with me. 
I know that it was the best moment of my life when i got to meet Gweedos sister Brook finally...she is honestly the most stunning woman you could ever meet in your life and because of that i was like freaking out even more...oh and the fact she'd been Miss Nebraska didnt help...i dont know why and i know im just being a sterotype but i was so so scared she would judge me for being so ugly...but she didnt there were hugs..and tea haha..and we got to all have a good chat which made my heart smile inside..saying goodbye she was like 'hug' and held her arms open...i cant believe someone so so flawless done that to me....oh my gosh i would give my life 5000billion trillion million times over to look just a tiny bit as beautiful as her.
That night we got to sit down with Rhonda and Bill and talk about Gweedo and then, there were tears and quite alot of them to be honest.i couldnt stop laughing at some of the things that he got up to when he was younger though, it just confirms i would i have loved him more than words can say...i mean i DO love him more than words but i would have loved being in his company...
Rhonda is kinda insane though and thinks im special and beautiful etc...( i know im not so you dont need to start emailing be to stop being vain)...and told me on the last night 'i have something for you, it's not a nebraska hoodie but i think youll like it still...It was Gweedos UK tour 2006 hoodie...she said that it was just sitting in her drawer and she couldnt think of anyone more perfect to give it to than me....well that opened a floodgate...i hugged and hugged her and cried and cried...basically only the 2006 cast have these hoddies...the 2006 cast mean SO much to me...so so so so so much...I mean i dont talk to some of them now...and some i didnt talk to much at the time...but they all have such a huge incredible space in my heart.
The next day we got to stop off at Omaha's old market which was BEAUTIFUL i wish i took pictures now but i generally didnt think at the time..i promise to do that when i go back though...oh and i got to walk to Iowa which made me smile inside :) We met with one of Alaina's close friends from back in the YA days, and just wow..i swear she was incredible too...i dont understand how it is like that in america...ive not met a bad person yet...(i know i know i will) and when she first met me she shook me hand, which i thought was sweet...im very much so used to just hugging people now so it dont bother me in the slightest but in England you never really hug someone you have never met or spoken to before....and i still hugged her goodbye, i believe that anything can happen..you never know where life is going to take you or what its going to give so you live up each moment and treasure every person even if they are only your life for a second...show them you are thankful for them being there. I always thought that way, it was the way i had looked at things since my first workshop (2006) with the Young Americans, but...talking to Alaina and her telling me how Gweedo we perfectly fine laughing and joking the night before.....well...it just goes to show.
anywho i think this blog is long enough ive got most of the important bits out. the bits that may have a signifcant impact of other people idk....  but one more thing i will be moving to america i dont know how soon because of my stuff going on but it will happen :)  yayayayayayayya

Im back again

hey everyone
yes i know...I'm a terrible blogger...or at least i have been recently..im so sorry! 
Anywho im gonna try get back into this writing thing because i miss it alot and i miss the stories about peoples lives have inspired by what i write..i figured that im not going to be able to remember everything over the last few months and it would retarded of me to try and do that....sooo....im just gonna do the past week or so....so much has gone on though so i will just give a short hand version for now....im gonna stop writing on here about my life in terms of what i do etc...im gonna dedicate my blog more to spending time teaching other human beings though things that i have learnt..or learn..
I know i cant really have an absence like that without a legit excuse so im gonna explain as much as i can without letting too much out, there are some things you shouldnt share with the world! 
Well, ive just been really ill recently, like really ill, and i am pretty much in the same space now..like everything that was going on then is still present now...but...im trying to rise above it...ive been in america the past week or so and some of the people i have met and seen again...just wow...that taught me reasons...and lessons and helped me learn i have choices... there is no such thing as one road...
im gonna go write them blogs up now... but just a message to say i am alive haha.....and the big things that have happened to me...ummm i have an incredible horsie now called Lady...I'll actually write a whole little blog about her at some point but she is SO cute! you guys will love her...even if you hate horses :)  Ummm i yet again got to go to Jazz fest in Germany this year which was PERFECT just ahhh :) to be back there in such an amazing place and everything.... :) and then of course i'm now in america... :)
thanks for all the 1000's of views still though guys it means one hell of alot to me ...:)  <3