Last night i couldn't sleep i was upset and hurting in ways no one could ever imagine so i decided to watch the Young American DVD from 2006, I've never had a DVD before that constantly changes me even more every time that i watch it, and it's getting kinda sad now because the DVD is starting to wear out as ive watched it so much and its from 2006! :(
I still love that cast, i still can't get over their strength, i was watching the other night in awe thinking, 'how can they do this', 'how can they be strong'. When Alaina dedicated the show to Gweedo i started crying, and then literally didnt stop for the rest of the show. You can see the pain etched of the faces of every single member of that cast, but they stand with pride and they carry on and for that i am eternally grateful. When they sang RENT, they covered the version of i'll cover you (reprise) and oh my gosh, every single little word, was sung for Gweedo, It broke my heart to see them crying, I just wanted to hug them all, there is a part of that song where Shannon sings a line and the camera comes up close to her face..the pain, you can see, is just unbelievable. But she didnt stop. she was crying so hard, but she didnt stop, she never once said, i'm not doing this anymore. I wish nothing but good for these people. I've never met anyone so wonderful before. At the end of the song Jaimie lays a rose for Gweedo. It is, such a beautiful moment. The young americans, they pay for this entire thing on their own, this whole tour. They really are wonderful dedicated people, the second act with the kids was just filled with as much strength and love as the first part. One this little light Brooke is singing and gets a little scared, Alaina comes out and sings with her, it was BEAUTIFUL. Circle of life, you just need to watch the faces of every person on that stage to know they are feeling the lyrics. The director came on after and said this quote.
'now we could not have worked together has closely as we have for the past two and half days without some friendships forming, and some of these friendships, will last long after the applause dies from this hall, and maybe, just maybe, some friendships will last a lifetime. And need i say anymore this last song says it perfectly. 'If we hold on together'
It's ironic because i still talk to quite a few of this cast, whereas every other workshop i have done, i keep in touch with maybe a couple of the cast.
2006 cast if you read this i want you to know that i never ever forget you guys, nor anything you have taught me in the time i spent with you
'Until we meet again you will be in my heart and thoughts'
All my love.
Thursday 19 May 2011
Saturday 14 May 2011
Eurovision
I'm sitting her right now watching the eurovision and i could swear something is wrong with me, I've cried non stop since the second it started, the fact that it's based in my most favourite country Germany could be a big factor, the fact i miss that country and place with my entire heart. But the songs this year, already so many of them have been about world peace and love and hope and just everything that is so amazing, it really makes me wonder if maybe world peace will be one day achieved, after all, if so many countries are singing about it, surely they must want it badly. Music speaks the words of the soul.
I don't know why i'm so emotional, but i do know that it is shows like this that make me so proud to be British and from Europe, this event, is and always has been spectacular (although no-one does it better than deutschland!) I wish that the whole world could come together for a show like this, and then i wish that like this event, the world could all cheer for something together, the same thing...for people all over the world to be sitting in the same room, and not thinking about fights and wars that might happen between them.
Music is amazing it really is and this event, thats been going on for years, i hope will one day bring the world peace i so want, and the peace that so many others want aswell.
Anyway i'm off to actually pay more attention and watch the show
to be continued later :).....
I don't know why i'm so emotional, but i do know that it is shows like this that make me so proud to be British and from Europe, this event, is and always has been spectacular (although no-one does it better than deutschland!) I wish that the whole world could come together for a show like this, and then i wish that like this event, the world could all cheer for something together, the same thing...for people all over the world to be sitting in the same room, and not thinking about fights and wars that might happen between them.
Music is amazing it really is and this event, thats been going on for years, i hope will one day bring the world peace i so want, and the peace that so many others want aswell.
Anyway i'm off to actually pay more attention and watch the show
to be continued later :).....
Monday 9 May 2011
A crazy weekend.
This weekend has been totally crazy, so crazy in fact, that I have not had the time to sit down and to write about it. After the news i received Friday i was in too much of a crazy and depressed mood to want to actually do anything to start with. On Saturday, i got woken up by my mum and all i could think about was, i want to go back to bed, i hate this, i don't want to go out, nor do anything. But then i was reminded that i was going out with one of my best friends Alice and i got ready and left the house anyway, just because i always and forever have a good time when i with her, she understands me completely. We arranged to meet at 11, so I got there and went off first for a walk, i found some beautiful poppies, sitting in a field alone surrounded by daisies, i got some really wonderful pictures. :).. Then i realised i was late and pelted it back to our meeting place to find no Alice, after an hour or so i started to panic, so i decided to try and drive to her house considering i knew roughly where it was, but i didn't actually know where i was going for real. I eventually thought i found it, and to my luck there was a guy outside in the garage, i got my nan to go and speak to him and he said that indeed Alice did live here and that she was still in bed, at this point i literally cried with relief because i was panicking that something may have happened (Alice is about as accident prone as i so i would have had some reason to!) Then i burst into laughter, so after her step dad told me i could wait in the house for her, and after i calmed myself, i went in, only to have Alice five minutes later fly down the stairs full of sorries and omg i cant believe i done that i never do that...i just wanted to laugh...I love my best friends, i dont think they realise just how much they make me smile just by being themselves.
So when Alice was ready we left and caught the train to southend, we were both tired so she treated us both to an amazing cold costa coffee :) We certainly got hyper by the time we had finished them :)
Sitting on the train we managed to have one of the most beautiful and most amazing chats, possibly one of the best i have had with someone in quite a while. This girl has an amazing heart, and i loved how we spent the whole journey talking about really personal things, only that eachother could understand, and for once when people got on the train, i did not feel ashamed, and i didnt hush my voice to barely audible. She always helps me to understand that an illness is an illness...and getting better takes time and its not your fault, therefore you cannot be ashamed of it. I wish i could be like that with everyone i am with, not just when i am with Alice.
Once at southend we headed off to the beach to do a photo shoot, although, after seeing how far the tide was in decided against it and that we would come back at a later time, just across the road, there was this beautiful little rock pool garden, and we went over to take some pictures over there. After maybe ten photos though i asked if we could stop, more than ever i was having an ugly day, and i did not feel myself being in front of this camera like i was. So we walked up to the highstreet and used the boots makeup selection to redo everything! Ok so it didnt exactly do wonders, i still felt amazingly awful but i felt abit better, my face was covered. We then popped into a shop and bought hundreds of sweets and candies, after blowing the balloons up and emptying the sweets into a huge decorative bag we went down to the beach and handed out free gifts of sweets and balloons to the children. It was simply amazing to see how all their little faces lit up over something so small, and that in this day is insignificant to many teenager and older people. One little girl came over with her slightly older sisters and brother. They could not have been older than nine or ten, and after giving them all a balloon and asking their parents if they could have a sweet we watch them walk around constantly holding that balloon, the youngest..(maybe about two or three) hugged her balloon like a teddy bear and didn't let go. Her parents were getting them all to stand for a photo holding their balloons. i could not believe the happiness that we brought to the young children like that. Another family that i really remember was a family of a mother, grandmother and grandfather, and their two young girls, toddler boy and six week old baby. The two young girls came over to us and were sitting talking, it was so sweet, so sweet, when all we had given them was a balloon and sweet each. After about half hour or so, their grandmother came back with an ice cream for them and their mother kindly asked us if we would like anything to drink, although we declined, i still cannot get over how wonderful and how sweet her offer was! The two little girls sat with us and kept asking 'would you like a little bit of my ice cream?' i couldn't get over how much they had taken to us, just thanks to a little bit of latex on the end of a string and a sweet. When we decided to walk along the sea front and hand out balloons and sweets to more children. The girls said, 'oh no, we will miss you' and that set it in concrete, exactly how much random acts of kindness can make a persons day! As well as doing a 'make humans happy' mission we also set about make the dogs happy mission, and bought a bag of dog treats, every dog we saw, we would ask their owners if they could have a treat. To see how happy the dogs were made me just so happy. After all the craziness that was our life, we decided to go grab a drink, and for me...A TOFFEE APPLE!!! my secret addiction, i bloody love them! Sitting on the pier i decided that i really couldn't be bothered to have an photos taken of me, i was tired and felt depressed. So we decided to head home then go watch a movie instead.
On the train home, after picking up yet another coffee, we decided that we could blow up the rest of the balloons on the train and put a left over sweet in each, by the time we got home the whole carriage was full of them! I'll never forget the guys sitting next to us, who were like... 'Um guys...have you escaped from somewhere?' and when i told him i was 19 and Alice 18, he looked even more freaked out by the whole thing! This is possibly one of the best memories of my life, this whole day, I love how with Alice i can be completely mental, and how every one of my other friends would have walked if we done that, oh and we also left a balloon in the pub bathrooms where we went before we got the bus :)
Despite being so tired i literally could not even walk, i had trouble sleeping that night and kept waking up, and 2am i went down to get a drink and my little hamster peace was running crazy round her cage like normal, then sitting looking at me when i went to the fridge hoping i would give her something to eat. I went back to bed but couldn't sleep so at 5am i came down and went to make a coffee, as i walked out i saw my hamster out of the corner of my eye gnawing on her cage like she normally does. When i got closer i realised she in fact was dead, i freaked out, Boo and peace was too much for me to handle, and burst into my moms room shouting peace is dead peace is dead, i didn't really know what to do. I named her Peace for a reason, to me she represented peace, and it broke me to see her dead, it was like the last chance of world peace ever being achieved had left.
I've had such a crazy weekend...i really don't know what to make of it, so many good, yet at the same time so many bad things have happened. Wow.
So when Alice was ready we left and caught the train to southend, we were both tired so she treated us both to an amazing cold costa coffee :) We certainly got hyper by the time we had finished them :)
Sitting on the train we managed to have one of the most beautiful and most amazing chats, possibly one of the best i have had with someone in quite a while. This girl has an amazing heart, and i loved how we spent the whole journey talking about really personal things, only that eachother could understand, and for once when people got on the train, i did not feel ashamed, and i didnt hush my voice to barely audible. She always helps me to understand that an illness is an illness...and getting better takes time and its not your fault, therefore you cannot be ashamed of it. I wish i could be like that with everyone i am with, not just when i am with Alice.
Once at southend we headed off to the beach to do a photo shoot, although, after seeing how far the tide was in decided against it and that we would come back at a later time, just across the road, there was this beautiful little rock pool garden, and we went over to take some pictures over there. After maybe ten photos though i asked if we could stop, more than ever i was having an ugly day, and i did not feel myself being in front of this camera like i was. So we walked up to the highstreet and used the boots makeup selection to redo everything! Ok so it didnt exactly do wonders, i still felt amazingly awful but i felt abit better, my face was covered. We then popped into a shop and bought hundreds of sweets and candies, after blowing the balloons up and emptying the sweets into a huge decorative bag we went down to the beach and handed out free gifts of sweets and balloons to the children. It was simply amazing to see how all their little faces lit up over something so small, and that in this day is insignificant to many teenager and older people. One little girl came over with her slightly older sisters and brother. They could not have been older than nine or ten, and after giving them all a balloon and asking their parents if they could have a sweet we watch them walk around constantly holding that balloon, the youngest..(maybe about two or three) hugged her balloon like a teddy bear and didn't let go. Her parents were getting them all to stand for a photo holding their balloons. i could not believe the happiness that we brought to the young children like that. Another family that i really remember was a family of a mother, grandmother and grandfather, and their two young girls, toddler boy and six week old baby. The two young girls came over to us and were sitting talking, it was so sweet, so sweet, when all we had given them was a balloon and sweet each. After about half hour or so, their grandmother came back with an ice cream for them and their mother kindly asked us if we would like anything to drink, although we declined, i still cannot get over how wonderful and how sweet her offer was! The two little girls sat with us and kept asking 'would you like a little bit of my ice cream?' i couldn't get over how much they had taken to us, just thanks to a little bit of latex on the end of a string and a sweet. When we decided to walk along the sea front and hand out balloons and sweets to more children. The girls said, 'oh no, we will miss you' and that set it in concrete, exactly how much random acts of kindness can make a persons day! As well as doing a 'make humans happy' mission we also set about make the dogs happy mission, and bought a bag of dog treats, every dog we saw, we would ask their owners if they could have a treat. To see how happy the dogs were made me just so happy. After all the craziness that was our life, we decided to go grab a drink, and for me...A TOFFEE APPLE!!! my secret addiction, i bloody love them! Sitting on the pier i decided that i really couldn't be bothered to have an photos taken of me, i was tired and felt depressed. So we decided to head home then go watch a movie instead.
On the train home, after picking up yet another coffee, we decided that we could blow up the rest of the balloons on the train and put a left over sweet in each, by the time we got home the whole carriage was full of them! I'll never forget the guys sitting next to us, who were like... 'Um guys...have you escaped from somewhere?' and when i told him i was 19 and Alice 18, he looked even more freaked out by the whole thing! This is possibly one of the best memories of my life, this whole day, I love how with Alice i can be completely mental, and how every one of my other friends would have walked if we done that, oh and we also left a balloon in the pub bathrooms where we went before we got the bus :)
Despite being so tired i literally could not even walk, i had trouble sleeping that night and kept waking up, and 2am i went down to get a drink and my little hamster peace was running crazy round her cage like normal, then sitting looking at me when i went to the fridge hoping i would give her something to eat. I went back to bed but couldn't sleep so at 5am i came down and went to make a coffee, as i walked out i saw my hamster out of the corner of my eye gnawing on her cage like she normally does. When i got closer i realised she in fact was dead, i freaked out, Boo and peace was too much for me to handle, and burst into my moms room shouting peace is dead peace is dead, i didn't really know what to do. I named her Peace for a reason, to me she represented peace, and it broke me to see her dead, it was like the last chance of world peace ever being achieved had left.
I've had such a crazy weekend...i really don't know what to make of it, so many good, yet at the same time so many bad things have happened. Wow.
In loving memory of Boo
This Friday, i came home from college early, and was in a fairly good mood,i had just finished my last dance exam and felt that finally everything was wrapping up and that i could relax more, ok, so i think i done totally crap, but it was over, i didn't need to worry about it again. I danced my heart to Allie Moss' song called 'Prisoner of Hope'. The significance of that song is just so unbelievable, so unreal words just cannot describe it. I thought it would be good to dance to.
But the main reason for this blog, i was sitting on my sofa when the mail came though, my mom opened a letter and told me that Boo has passed away. Boo was one of my horses that i had at Redwings Horse Sanctuary. I'd adopted him a few years previous, and even though i didn't really get to see him much as he was so far away, i loved him, so so dearly i loved him. I remember back to when one of my most favourite horses on the yard i ride at died and i was in such a state, so i went to Ada Cole and the wonderful staff there brought him over to the fence, bearing in mind he is normally a very nervous horse, he let me cuddle him and cry into his mane without a care in the world. At Redwings, the celebrate the horses birthdays with a little party...this means that you get to go down and see them walked around a arena or paddock, and then they are fed a special 'horsie' birthday cake while the crowd sing them happy birthday. I remember the one time i was lucky enough to get to go and see Boo on his birthday, i've never seen him look so happy..spesh when a young girl bought him a new headcollar and he had it put on :)
It was so hard to hear that he was no longer here with us, i tried and tried not to cry but it didnt work, and i broke down into a state, i couldn't stop crying. Redwings is this amazing charity, it really is, and almost all the horses there have suffered greatly in life, Redwings rescues them and helps them to live the rest of their days in peace. I'm heartbroken that Boo is gone, but i'm also so grateful that he got that amazing care that he did at the sanctuary. He deserved it, they all deserve it.
So Boo, you may now be gone, but i know you are free and dancing and prancing around with the angels now, your an arab so i would imagine you look pretty fine doing just that, I hope you find Sidney up there, he was another one of my Redwings horses whom i loved so dearly. I hope you become friends and live forever happy....Hopefully Sidney has stopped eating so much grass so that god does not have to keep him in the woodchip paddock all the time ;)
I love you....thank you for being such an amazing spirit.
Rest in Peace, like i am sure you will, I'll never ever forget you.
But the main reason for this blog, i was sitting on my sofa when the mail came though, my mom opened a letter and told me that Boo has passed away. Boo was one of my horses that i had at Redwings Horse Sanctuary. I'd adopted him a few years previous, and even though i didn't really get to see him much as he was so far away, i loved him, so so dearly i loved him. I remember back to when one of my most favourite horses on the yard i ride at died and i was in such a state, so i went to Ada Cole and the wonderful staff there brought him over to the fence, bearing in mind he is normally a very nervous horse, he let me cuddle him and cry into his mane without a care in the world. At Redwings, the celebrate the horses birthdays with a little party...this means that you get to go down and see them walked around a arena or paddock, and then they are fed a special 'horsie' birthday cake while the crowd sing them happy birthday. I remember the one time i was lucky enough to get to go and see Boo on his birthday, i've never seen him look so happy..spesh when a young girl bought him a new headcollar and he had it put on :)
It was so hard to hear that he was no longer here with us, i tried and tried not to cry but it didnt work, and i broke down into a state, i couldn't stop crying. Redwings is this amazing charity, it really is, and almost all the horses there have suffered greatly in life, Redwings rescues them and helps them to live the rest of their days in peace. I'm heartbroken that Boo is gone, but i'm also so grateful that he got that amazing care that he did at the sanctuary. He deserved it, they all deserve it.
So Boo, you may now be gone, but i know you are free and dancing and prancing around with the angels now, your an arab so i would imagine you look pretty fine doing just that, I hope you find Sidney up there, he was another one of my Redwings horses whom i loved so dearly. I hope you become friends and live forever happy....Hopefully Sidney has stopped eating so much grass so that god does not have to keep him in the woodchip paddock all the time ;)
I love you....thank you for being such an amazing spirit.
Rest in Peace, like i am sure you will, I'll never ever forget you.
Monday 2 May 2011
Evil.....
My emotions are all over the place, completely mixed. I'm happy, yet sad, angered and relived.
Bin Larden in dead, and all i can say to that is good, he was one of the souls on this earth that was PURE EVIL. I am happy because he finally got caught, all his victims can be at peace and families affected can have a piece of mind. Sad...the second i heard is name this morning, i thought back to 2001 and cried and cried..the pain on people's faces, still rings constantly in my head. I'm angered, because i keep thinking maybe he should not have been killed...he's free...how can he deserve that after all the pain and suffering he has put people though? I just saw a man on the news who worked with new york fire department, and he said tearfully that 9/11 is with him every day and with everything he does. SO WHY THE FUCK, should innocent people like this get left with all these awful memories...the torture will never end, whilst he gets to sit up in the clouds laughing on at everyone he has hurt. Forgive me for saying this and i cannot believe this is coming out of me, but he should be captured and tortured, every day for the rest of his god damned life, i wanted him to feel every little bit of pain that he caused other people. I want him to cry, real tears, i want him to wake up wishing his life would just end because its better than being alive...I know thats awful, i know it, and everyone who knows me also knows i NEVER think like that, this case, is just exceptional. I am relived, or more i was to start with, because a tiny part of my heart thought, maybe this is over, maybe the world can start to go back to normal, but then no, that will never happen, because there are so many greedy and selfish bastards in this world...Jimi Hendrix once said...
'When the power of love overcomes the love for power, then the world will know peace'
He was right, its all about power right now, and with that 'demon' gone, there will just be more, and more and more...there are idiots that worshiped that man, who will continue on his work, in memory of him..what a fucking joke. Why can you just leave it alone now.?!?!?
Ok, I'm actually fuming, i could most likely go on forever ranting and ranting. The news broadcaster showed a video tape on 'it', and he was saying that he is 'not afraid to die for what he believes' well....THEN WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU GETTING OTHER PEOPLE TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK YOU FUCKING PRICK!!?!?!?! thats cowardly, and stupid.
I just hope that all the souls free up there that he has killed, will destroy his soul, he does not deserve an afterlife...he does not deserve anything but shit.
I still shed tears daily when i think about the 9/11, i know i'm not American, i know that, but that whole thing affected me big time, before that, i was innocent, i didnt know there was such evil in this world, after 9/11 i refused to get on a plane for eight years, and even after that, i spent the entire time crying my eyes out, i still get scared, i cant see a bag in the street without thinking it 'could' be a bomb, airports are crazy, as are train stations, the security is stupid....all because of this man...there is no trust anymore, and with reason.
'I was born to late, into a world that doesn't care' although to be honest i dont think it ever fucking did. I sometimes wish i was never born, just because i am so ashamed of what this world is coming to....
John Lennon had the right fucking idea and when people realise that we will be much better off.
to be continued...(trust me)
Bin Larden in dead, and all i can say to that is good, he was one of the souls on this earth that was PURE EVIL. I am happy because he finally got caught, all his victims can be at peace and families affected can have a piece of mind. Sad...the second i heard is name this morning, i thought back to 2001 and cried and cried..the pain on people's faces, still rings constantly in my head. I'm angered, because i keep thinking maybe he should not have been killed...he's free...how can he deserve that after all the pain and suffering he has put people though? I just saw a man on the news who worked with new york fire department, and he said tearfully that 9/11 is with him every day and with everything he does. SO WHY THE FUCK, should innocent people like this get left with all these awful memories...the torture will never end, whilst he gets to sit up in the clouds laughing on at everyone he has hurt. Forgive me for saying this and i cannot believe this is coming out of me, but he should be captured and tortured, every day for the rest of his god damned life, i wanted him to feel every little bit of pain that he caused other people. I want him to cry, real tears, i want him to wake up wishing his life would just end because its better than being alive...I know thats awful, i know it, and everyone who knows me also knows i NEVER think like that, this case, is just exceptional. I am relived, or more i was to start with, because a tiny part of my heart thought, maybe this is over, maybe the world can start to go back to normal, but then no, that will never happen, because there are so many greedy and selfish bastards in this world...Jimi Hendrix once said...
'When the power of love overcomes the love for power, then the world will know peace'
He was right, its all about power right now, and with that 'demon' gone, there will just be more, and more and more...there are idiots that worshiped that man, who will continue on his work, in memory of him..what a fucking joke. Why can you just leave it alone now.?!?!?
Ok, I'm actually fuming, i could most likely go on forever ranting and ranting. The news broadcaster showed a video tape on 'it', and he was saying that he is 'not afraid to die for what he believes' well....THEN WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU GETTING OTHER PEOPLE TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK YOU FUCKING PRICK!!?!?!?! thats cowardly, and stupid.
I just hope that all the souls free up there that he has killed, will destroy his soul, he does not deserve an afterlife...he does not deserve anything but shit.
I still shed tears daily when i think about the 9/11, i know i'm not American, i know that, but that whole thing affected me big time, before that, i was innocent, i didnt know there was such evil in this world, after 9/11 i refused to get on a plane for eight years, and even after that, i spent the entire time crying my eyes out, i still get scared, i cant see a bag in the street without thinking it 'could' be a bomb, airports are crazy, as are train stations, the security is stupid....all because of this man...there is no trust anymore, and with reason.
'I was born to late, into a world that doesn't care' although to be honest i dont think it ever fucking did. I sometimes wish i was never born, just because i am so ashamed of what this world is coming to....
John Lennon had the right fucking idea and when people realise that we will be much better off.
to be continued...(trust me)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)