Right now, i'm sitting up not able to sleep yet again and my mind is playing retard games with me, like one minute im super excited for all the travel i have planned for the future, but then the next minute i'm crying over things that happened in the past and dwelling on problems with people that are quite honestly not worth bothering about, but yet i still do it...
'VIKKIE FORGET REGRET OR LIFE IS YOURS TO MISS DON'T FORGET IT!'
I never normally will actually talk about it, and i'll sit there crying to myself and when i go at it alone, i never get anywhere...I've never ever been good about talk about my feelings to people, never, and even more so when i am hurting...thats how people know i'm not ok, i'm quiet and i am never ever quiet normally..heres a person who will sing top of her lungs and dance to queen on the train and not give a toss who was listening.literally. I will dance everywhere not caring less what looks i get..so when i'm quiet...something is wrong. Saying that i am good at the line 'oh yeah i'm fine, i'm just tired', very very good at pulling that line, and its only ever my good friends who turn around and say i dont believe you.
Well tonight i'm basically doing an all nighter, i dont want to be but i know already its going to be heading that way like it or not, and like i said in my previous blog, my friend (the ones who's blog i wrote about go follow her people) Courtney, is normally up doing all nighters aswell, so alot of the time its a matter of we get to talk, and moan and rant to eachother. Courtney is someone i have always been able to talk to regardless, but never open up to as much as i did today...i don't even know how that started we just got talking on a level where everything that was getting to us started coming out. Oh we've been talking about men, we've been talking about friendships and most of all we have been trying to work out the way our brains function so crazy sometimes, the best bit is she totally understood how i feel sometimes and thats something that i dont think anyone (but maybe alice on some level) has done before. Even when i have seen doctors, they cannot seem to understand how i can say one thing and then say something meaning the complete opposite and still mean them both. Well courtney does and thats why i actually adore her...i mean like i can try to explain it to you guys but i know you wont understand.. it's situations like we love someone to death and cannot imagine life without them in it, thanking god for them each day, but at the same time actually strongly disliking that person and wishing you had never met them......yeah...see told you you wouldnt understand us.....
So right now we are both up at 3am in the morning literally crying with laughter over some of the retarded things that would go on if we met up...like knowing in us we would get emotional in starbucks and spend the entire day in there, hugging and crying like complete losers. I love this girl. Here is true friendship.
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