I went into college today (well actually yesterday I'm writing this at half five in the morning yet again cant sleep) and spoke to the guy who enrols people upon their courses that they want to study, so this was all going well until he looked at my results from previous exams and shit that i have taken, and it turned out because i had already done, passed and completed as level three course, (A-level) i didn't need to redo GCSE's even though i wanted this more than anything, as they are level two. He said by all means he could enrol me but it would be costing because i would have to pay the fees...which is literally when i lost all hope of that dream right there, spesh when he mentioned £6000 i mean what the hell for GCSE's!?!?!?! not worth my time, I'll just go do a BA at some point in my life, screw that!
Anyway i was really down about this at first because for the past week or so i was getting it all planned out in my head, so i could feel calmer and not have to worry about my future and what i would be doing with it. I cried..i cried alot (when i got home) because i felt like a total failure, i got good grades in my mocks, but then screwed up and got very ill, had to be in hospital for six months and my results showed it..ok i didn't fail but i wasn't exactly happy...I got it into my frame of mind that i would never amount to anything and never do anything right, and maybe thats true...but just now i was sitting thinking...really thinking..and I've decided to do some travel for a year or so, as, when and if money and everything that life throws allows me to.
I have this awesome friend called Alaina in who lives in America, and it's basically a LONG story but she has inspired me greatly, to such lengths (i will just write a blog about it later actually) whom i havn't seen in years..five, nearly six to be precise in fact, it will be about six years by the time is see her, and i have always wanted to go out to America and never had the chance so this is it :) I'm basically gonna go to her hometown (which ive seen pictures of and fallen in love) annndddd i used to be obsessed with mary-kate and ashley, they shot one of their movies there so i really would like to visit it, and hopefully get to hang with her for a few days...that...will actually complete me...
Then i have my fantastic, crazy pro style loser twin, she's actually from Canada but will be over in Munich for a month or so in December and January so I'm gonna get to spend time with her, which i haven't done in over a year, but not before spending new year with my wonderful friend Kira whom i haven't seen in nearly a year, (and that will be over a year by the time the dates come around to go!)...
Theeennnnnn in May i'm back over to Germany for jazz fest with me stunning German sis Helen, before coming home for a bit and going out again to my second German family to see the young Americans dinner theatre again...and i mean, they are just the ones that i have set in stone...(in my head anyway) and they are also the ones that HAVE to happen lol! If i have any money after then i wanna also hop on a plane to Berlin to see my friend there Katja (I LOVE HER SO MUCH) and to Spain with Hannah, maybe a girls holiday and then maybe to Jamaica to see my beautiful friend there, ooohh and photography trip to Norway or Ireland, i mean i don't know, i know not all that will happen this coming year but i want as much as possible of it to!!! Then when im not busy i want to spend all my time volunteering and working with children and old people etc....maybe do some fundraising for help the heroes or something.... I DON'T KNOW....
But I do know that this is something I've wanted to do for a long while, just maybe not quite so soon!! But oh well, life throws things at you and you have to learn to cope with it, when push comes to shove you generally can, i will achieve this dream and no one will take that away from me!
