'Sometimes you loose yourself, trying to hold onto someone who does not care about loosing you'
It seems that all it's ever been between you and I see-saw, a game, a battle which half of the time you always won. I really dont understand why i kept coming back to you, and even more so i can't understand the logic behind the fact my heart wants to go there again, what with ever hit you give me, you make me weaker... and i let you do that. This is the first time ive had the guts to actually to go and flat out delete and block you, yes, ive deleted you before, but not for more than a week tops...always coming back, always trying again.
I don't understand why my heart is not going to let me move on, i know you do not care about loosing me. I could die tomorrow and i still think you wouldnt give a crap, but i still want to be a part of your life, i keep going back again and again just to be abused and made to feel small and unloved. I lost myself where i was trying so hard, so so hard not to loose you. I worry myself about the fact im already having second thoughts about getting rid of you out of my life. The fact that a part of my heart is saying 'just one more chance' because i know 'one more chance' almost always leads into another...and another again.
I need the strength from somewhere but i just can't find it....right now im just listening to music over and over and over again to try and help my brain finally see, that moving on with the rest of my life HAS to start with goodbyes...
