JAPAN NEED US!!! WE ARE AS ONE!!!

Why does the world have to be so awful, and why do some people judge by skin color and image? I overheard someone today saying that this whole thing in Japan is a cry for attention and that they were not going to think about helping because they were not English citizens....' It made me feel literally sick, i have never heard anything so awful, also the face that the chance the are English citizens out there is at least 99.9% or even more.

When will people learn that Japan is a part of us...ok, so we might be totally differ net in image and looks, and language, BUT we are all human beings and live under the same sky.

It shocks me to think that people would look upon other human beings as a inanimate object, with no question for their thoughts or feelings.

I keep on listening to the we are the world version that was created for Haiti, and there is a line 'And now Haiti need us' Well now Japan needs us, and i am sorry if this blog pisses you off where i keep on and on, but at the end of the day, just don't read it. If i know this blog gives even ONE person a different view, and helps them to see the world AS ONE. Then what i am writing right now will be worth it.

My heart is still breaking everytime i hear about it on the news or read about it, I think about the group of amazing people called the Young Americans that are out there at the moment, and it makes me smile and gives me just a little hope, that they are singing and dancing though this tragedy...after all music is a language we can all speak, and it's a wonderful way to help take peoples minds off what is going on in their beautiful country.

It's sad, because Japan really is beautiful, and now its just looks like a bombsite, i wish to go out there and help in anyway i can, it makes my heart happy to know there are hundreds of others out there who feel the same way, WE CAN bring Japan back to what it was like, with love strength and courage, and that will also be what gets the world though this tragedy.

COME ON WORLD! x

I dance even when i feel pain, i dance knowing theres something to gain

Ok so I'm thinking as i simply cannot do anything but think about Japan, i should maybe try and busy myself with writing a blog about today, considering i wanted to do that!

So today i had my urban class, and we got to do something entirely different to what we normally do, normally, i love urban, of course it's dancing, but normally i will cry and get so frustrated because it's not my 'dance' style.

Well today we were talking as a class and i found that urban dance and music, can be used to perform a lyrical dance, Music is just one of the few wonderful things that you can do literally anything with.

We were given a piece of music with no lyrics in which to make up a dance (lyrical based) too. At first i was totally lost, because its not the normal music i dance lyrical to...but i just really thought about it, about what it would feel like to have depression and i mean the real and RAW emotions, and i just moved, and danced...It just came from somewhere deep inside me...

Then after the class, i danced a little bit of let it be for my teacher, it was the most beautiful feeling, even though inside my heart was pounding so much and i was literally terrified, i put all my soul and passion into it, i danced for overcoming violence, war and the negative things that happen in our lives.. I came out of that class knowing that i'd helped someone understand the power of lyrical, and the words of let it be.

Prayers and Love to all in Japan;...

Going to be dancing for you for the next few months to come!

Praying for Japan

I've just been watching the News all day and watching the devastation in Japan is just breaking my heart.
I'm crying my eyes out, watching their houses get destroyed, and their lives, what they have spent their entire life building on being taken out, just like that.
How can the earth be so cruel, how can the ocean, it all it's beauty and vastness, hold such fear and such dread. How can it take away everything....
I want with all my heart to go out there and help, i wish that i could get on a plane and make a chain of people, stand up against nature and help them be strong and fight it, but i cannot, and that hurts like hell...it hurts so much.
I'm thinking of the Young Americans that are out there, Mary-jo, Judy and Bruce, everyone else out there, and i'm just praying they stay safe, they have changed my life so much, and change so many lives, the world would just not be the same without them.
I'm praying and i'm hoping, please god if you are real help these people, help them rebuild their lives and bring comfort to the people who have lost loved ones...
It's so sad...i actually cannot stop crying, it's breaking my heart, i don't know what to write, words just cannot explain....

Please help them someone.....

We are the ones who make a brighter day so lets start giving

'Rural girls have the same dreams as girls everywhere, but they are destroyed by poverty.'

I was just browsing on my twitter account and saw that someone had posted this quote, i mean really, where is the fairness in it.? I'm sick of hearing about people who lose out on things that others can get so easily, just because of money.

I'm talking about this in a big scale, you could go to Africa and find one of the most talented singers that this earth could ever find, a person who wants to share their passion with the world, someone who could be as famous as the wonderful and amazing John Lennon. But will they ever get a chance to show that? No. because they are struggling to survive and make ends meet, and sometimes they will even die young, because they do not even have the money to be alive....a talented and beautiful, individual life, gone, just like that.

It makes me cry that such a beautiful world could be so mean and so horrible to an innocent person, i read a story recently which was about a girl who had bought NINE dresses for her wedding day, all at over £1000 each, and ok, i think some of the comments made about her were out of order, but if shes got that much money to throw around, why is she not giving it to someone who's life it could change..? She is only going to wear them once for christs sake! The money from one dress alone could save a life....but whatever, that's just what i think....

I mean even in England, where compared to some countries and people, EVERYONE is rolling in it, there are thousand of people who are losing out on their dreams, just because of having the lack of funds...look at uni fees reaching a retarded level, and to add the fact all funding is being cut, it makes it impossible for SO MANY people to actually go to uni and make something AMAZING of their life...The government are fucking retarded what they don't realize is that the children are the future, they need to teach and educate them, and help them, not throw them in the corner because they do not come form rich families...by doing that they could be losing out on some amazing doctors,lawers...anyone...there could even be a person there who will find the cure for cancer, but will never get the chance because the government don't give a shit...

Urgh it annoys me...yeah so it might cost them money now, but think in the future how much that child will give back....

Idiots...the worlds people are destroying their planet and their own lives without even realising it.

Just like a pill

'I swear you just like a pill,

Stead of making me better

You keep making me ill'

So following on from my other blog last night, i decided i would 'rediscover' some of Pink's music.

And you know what got me? Was that all of her music, the lyrics were so fucking true.!

I was listening to Just like a pill...

It's actually true that its not just drugs you can get addicted to, yeah if you pop pills..spesh the illegal kind you are bound to get addicted..but it's not always about that kind of addiction.

The addiction is this song...is it really that possible to be addicted to a person to a point where you cannot life without them and can't function if you dont talk to them.

I don't really know, i mean, I'm only 19 and i don't think ive liked someone enough yet to get to a stage where i can say i can relate to the lyrics....

But my best friend is dating a guy who is meant to be making her happy...and yeah ok, he does that sometimes, but most of the time he's a complete fucking arsehole and has her in tears... but you know what...even though he is making her worse she cannot walk away... he's like a drug to her...and dangerous and eventually lethal drug...

And in another way, maybe the song is talking out the people and friends that generally try to help someone but make everything a million times worse..i could understand that point of view, so many people have ended up making me worse when all they were trying to do was help.... I'll get paranoid that i said too much, or they will say something and i will twist it to make it what i 'think' they said...it always ends up making me worse, even though their purpose was to make it better...

Hmmm..All i know is that this song really does reach out to so many people...

I am not a robot

'I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

so irritating

don't wanna be my friend no more

I wanna be somebody else'

I was just randomly going though some music on my ipod and came across this song by Pink, i haven't listened to it in ages but decided i would today.

Do you know when you just find one of those songs that sums up how you are feeling in one particular moment, like you listen to it and it's as if the writer literally took the words out 0f you own head.

Well today, that's what this song did.

I think that this song can sum up what life is to many young girls these days, not just me, i mean, there is so much pressure to be beautiful and slim, the media display it everywhere and its just retarded, everyone literally has to be the same, and i don't think its right. I'm doing we will rock you right now in my fmp, and i really do worry that In the future the world will be like, just hundreds and thousands 0f clones, no individuals.

There is such a significant line in the second verse

'LA told me, you'll be a popstar, all you have to change, is everything you are.'

Why should all popstars be beautiful, if you have a talent there, surely you should be alloud to share it with the world right?!?

I hate on xfactor when people audition, who are not the most prettiest or slimmest person going, and before they even open their mouths, the get judged by the audience. how on earth it that fair.?

Why are people told they are too fat to be dancing, just because they are not the 'perfect' ballet dancer....? I have done a few Young American workshops in the past 5 years and you know what i love the most..? Is that everyone is treated the same,no matter what the size or looks....

Is it no wonder so many famous people these days are having breakdowns...The amount of stick they get for having just one fucking spot on the face is crazy!!!! they are human beings, therefore, they should be alloud to have things like this, without it being displayed everywhere for the entire world to see how 'ugly and unfit' they are.

I think that the only magazine i have every seen that promotes real beauty in every single issue is company, and that is why i get that magazine so much. In there its about dressing as you want, and finding new unsigned bands...not about whats already out there and what we are expected to wear...

I dress most of the time so differently to my friends, one day i got in my Friends car and she took one look at me and said 'your dressed like a fucking hippie what the hell are you wearing?'

We don't talk no more, there is something beautiful about walking down the street in somewhere like camden and seeing so many different styles...that's what the world should be about really...

money, looks, age and size should not matter, bit should be whats inside....

love and hate

Why on earth can people not believe me, I mean i know my vision of myself may be a little bit wrong, but I think i know if someone hates me and does not like me, it's blatantly obvious.
I wish people would believe me and not keep telling me that i am being stupid and saying things that can by no means be true.
I am sick of people saying i am such a loved person, because i really really am not, I'm constantly thinking about how much people hate me and it tires me out and makes me feel awful.
I wish people would understand and see the truth...
i REALLY do.

Home is where the heart is

I think it's stupid, that your home has to be where you are born.

I mean, is home not a place where you are meant to feel most at home and most happy?

A place where you can feel safe and content. The place you heart is.

So does that mean that literally anywhere can be our home, as long as we are happy there.

And anyway, are we not all living under the same sky.? Does that not make us the same?

'Home is where the heart is'

I'm sick of people telling me 'Your already home' when i say i miss my home (Germany). Because i generally love that place more than anywhere else in the entire world, and i know when i have everything sorted and under control, i want to move out there, it's amazing and just so beautiful.

The people, the ground, the grass, i love everything, theres this thing in Germany, that i love called respect, something that England seems to lack quite greatly in more than one area. The place is just so clean.

It gives me hope there, and moves me to tears, how a total stranger will get off the bus to help someone else on, in England people just sit and watch and don't think to help.

I don't need for the sunshine to be beating down to be happy in that place, rain or shine, even in snow, nothing can take away my deep love and affection for that wonderful country.

I miss it.

I miss Germany

I miss my home

You and me....

A little poem i wrote in memory of all cancer paitents, its crap i know, but i think it holds a beautiful and conforting message...

Do not worry i am safe now,
Happy and so free,
I'm looking down upon you
sending your love and thoughts to me

I didn't want to go at first
but the pain it got too much
However do not worry
the angels look after me above.

I know the doctors could not save me,
But please do not be mad.
You see they tired their hardest
And i hate seeing you so sad.

Death is not the end
it's just a new life that's begun
One that's everlasting, internal.
Dancing under the sun.

I'm just so happy now
even though i miss you oh so much
I'm saving a space for you in heaven
When your time is up.

But for now i want you to live your life
Be happy for me.
I'll see you one day soon again
And we will live on,
under the sun

you and me
for eternity.

Love never dies..???

I was on tumblr today, and i saw a quote on my friends page saying

'It's better to have loved than not to have loved at all', it was a post she'd wrote in memory of her friend that passed away,..

I was sitting there thinking about it, and think that maybe, that quote is actually wrong, i mean in this case at least.

It's talking about love in a past tense, as if there is no love there anymore, which i think is kinda dumb, just because someone passed away does not mean love instantly has to be snatched from both sides.

I think love is one of those precious things that is always there. I mean, the real true love. Once you love someone, i don't think you can 'unlove' them, yes, if they do something bad enough, you could end up hating (strong word) them. But i really do not that the love goes away. How can you love someone, and then just not.

REAL LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL.

That means no matter what that person does, and even if you can never bring yourself to look or talk to them again, there must still be a little part of you that loves that particular person.

I think that if you can unlove someone, then you never really loved them at all.

Take me for example, i had one 'friend' that treated me like crap, one of my best friends, and i don't talk to her now, but i loved her, and i know as much as i don't want to admit it, i still do, simply because she was such a big part of my life.

Love is just so beautiful i don't think it could ever go away completely..

I wish that where there is war, there could be love instead, the world would be perfect...i mean as perfect as perfect could be.

Love love love

Love is all you need

Two white doves....

I went to my godmother and god fathers funeral today...It was beautiful, as beautiful as a funeral can get. What a lovely send off for two wonderful people.

I really didn't want to be there. It was my 19th and i wanted to be out partying, not going to a funeral then back to college all day to rehearse for we will rock you. But you know what? I was grateful for today and everything that happened.

At the end of the service this lady opened a box and got out two beautiful pure white doves...a animal in which when i die i want to be reincarnated in to...they mean so much to me, i even have a tattoo of a dove flying though a peace sign on my back, holding in its beak a stave with music and a treble clef on it....

They flew away together, staying together always, then i went to lay some flowers by where my grandad had his ashes scattered...i made the flowers into a peace sign, then i looked up and saw four beautiful doves sitting on the tree branch...

I know it means that there is such thing as peace, and that one day, this world will know what it is...

LIVE AS ONE...

R.I.P. Auntie Lin and Uncle Den... because i knew you i have been changed for good.

Heather Penhale

Ok so this blog is actually totally random and off the wall. But today a wonderful and amazing friend of mine Steven wrote on my wall for my birthday, and when we were talking we mentioned this girl called Heather.

It actually made me think way back to 2009 when she was on the Young American tour that i done.

I remember going up to her and seeing writing on her arm, thinking it was this awesome tattoo. but then when the next day she had something different, but also so amazing i was like...

????????

I asked her and she said that everyday she writes something on her arm, something beautiful. It actually really inspired me, and like a dumbass that i am, i didn't even get to know this wonderful person...i wish i had..... I don't regret..never regret, just wish i had spent time getting to know her..

But ok so this blog was REALLLLLYYYY random i just wanted to tell everyone though :)

PS: I'm only dumb enough that i just posted this blog and realised i done it without a picture...and had to do it again argh !

between a horses ears.....

'The wind of heaven is that which blows beneath a horses ears.'

This quote, more than ever sums up my life right now and most of all today, I went to the yard this morning feeling hopeless, all i wanted to do was want to cry. I'd had a really bad week and was pretty sure that this week coming will be bad too.

But i don't know, when I'm around the horses, i just feel a totally different person, i feel totally complete...

Even with the shit they do, and the mess they make, i mean champ today was awful, there was mess everywhere! I've never seen such a mess! Even in my bedroom!

I was not riding today, because of how i hurt my side, but i think that proved to me, that i don't always need to be on a horses back to be happy :)

My two favourites are Jay and Spirit and today Jess and i got Spirit and new numnah :) and last week a new pink haynet...i love her so much she looks beautiful.

Horses really are my passion, really are my dream, ( at the same time as dancing) I do not intend on ever going to a heaven without horses, because that would be my ideal of hell..the real hell would be better!

I love how they can hurt you ,and make you stink even worse than crap, but you still love them, i love how you have to look after them, but also at the same time how they return the favor, all the ever ask for is love and give it so much in return...

They really are amazing..

Thank you...for making my dreams come true. You make me believe in the presence of horsey angels :) XX

oh what a horrible year, and it's only febuary!

Once again, i have been walking around the whole day with my head in the clouds, and i was thinking, as a blog is mean to tell the world what is going on in your life, i should maybe do it more, instead of manly using this as a base to write down all my thoughts and feelings. To say that today has been messed up from the start does not even come close.

I opened the paper this morning to be greeted with a article about my god mother and god fathers death, i already knew, but i thought the funeral was going to be on the 28th, but what Joy, it is actually the 21st, my 19th birthday..,simply awesome.

I have to leave college where i'm rehearsing all day and then go back at the end of the service, i actually don't know how i am supposed to cope with that whole thing, i mean, I'm not even going to be able to have five seconds to myself after to get myself together, i need to be strong, but right now i don't know where i will get that strength from.

My best friend is with the biggest dickhead of a boyfriend you could possibly meet, he treats her like shit, and what makes it worse, is that she lets him walk all over her the entire time, it hurts me so much seeing it, because there is nothing i can really do, but i feel like there should be something i can do, after all, she is my best friend.

I just feel so alone right now, thats the good thing about writing in this blog, no one knows who i really am, so i can write to my hearts content,..i feel i have no one to talk too, and i am convinced that everyone hates me and actually wants me dead, and yes i know hate is a strong word, and i would never use it unless i felt strongly about something, and i feel strongly about the fact they all hate me. i could die and they would all be happy..

And you know what,? If that did happen, my only wish would be that when the police or whatever go though my computer, they find this blog and share it with the world.

I guess that i have so many thoughts, and maybe, just maybe they would help others...

I mean, normally its not this bad, im just haviing a really bad year of it....2011 is officially one of the worst years ever and its only February...

I need to kepe praying,,,begging..that things will get better...

jo dee messina

I've been though hell on my knees

came fface to face with the devil

and i know that its hard to believe

but it gets better

rascal flatts

Cuz when push comes to shove

you taste what your made of

you might bend till you break

cuz its all you can take

on your knees you look up the sign youve had enough

you get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands shake it off

then you stand

MUST MUST MUST try to remember this....

COME ON SELF!!!

THINK

LOVE LOVE LOVE

LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!!!!!!!

SPREAD THE LOVE INCREASE THE PEACE

WORLD LOVE AND PEACE

Are you worth it...?

I cannot believe that i am saying this

addmitting that it's true.

I really could not live without you

I simply don't know what i do.

Your like a drug i need you

everyday i need more and more

you crush me from the inside

destory everything i stand for

It's actually quite patheitic

what with all the fucking lies

that i still believe and want you

forever in my life.

I hate you being with me

but then I'd hate more if you wernt

I love you arms around me

Even though it always hurts

Why is it always like this

I'm at war with my own heart.

I keep saying i'm better off without you

But my heart won't let us part.

One day maybeI'll wake up

and my heart then will decide

if i can or cannot live without you

and keep intact my pride....

I really do think to much...

I actually cannot understand why life is a pig sometimes..

Why when something goes wrong does everything have to go wrong at the same time...

Because even though what you go through, no matter how hard it is makes you stronger.

I actually begin to wonder sometimes if i am going to get through it and learn anything from the experience

I miss my sisters, and ok by that not 'blood' related, but i miss being around the people who make me feel so complete, the people who actually make me practice what i preach on myself, who make me actually think about myself as a person and not just a waste of space, whilst constantly looking out for the rest of the world.

They always bring me a step closer to being 'ok' with myself, but then for every step i go forward, i usually take 50 steps back and it goes on like that for what seems like forever.

I really do think sometimes that life would be better for everyone if i was just dead, i mean, life is such a beautiful and amazing thing, a gift bigger than anything else you could ever possibly wish for, but then, despite knowing this, i still get ungrateful and do thank god enough for simply 'being'...but then there are the people who are dying, dying young and even old...who appreciate life, in the way i wish i could..surely, surely they deserve to live more than me, I don't know why the circle of life has to work in such complicated and unfair ways, but it does.

I really hope one day that i can just open my eyes and be grateful to live on such a wonderful planet, to be able to feel the grass and land beneath my feet, to feel the wind in my hair, to see the trees breathing life to the world. Because i see the beauty i really really do, and it makes me want to cry because its so beautiful...but i still wish sometimes, i was anywhere but here...

Sometimes when i see the fighting on the TV and the wars, and the people chopping down their life support machines (trees)..it makes me more than ever want to be somewhere else, the world is just so full of hatred, and i'm worried that one day, it's going to increase to such a level that means it overshadows the beauty.

On the news just now five coffins were brought home from war, thats five people gone forever, and many lives and families shattered...it's not fair.. but proves my point exactly...

Oh someone help sort out my brain....i don't know what to do anymore......

This is what dreams are made of

I was looking though tumblr today and i saw this picture..

It gave me such hope, hope for everything in life that i want..

hope for peace and hope for love.

If there is one part of the world, just at least this one place, that is so amazingly peaceful and breathtakingly beautiful. does that not mean that one day the entire world..maybe, just maybe will be the same...

I know it's a dream, a slightly over the top dream but everything good thing that happens starts with a dream right, for something good to happen, someone must have wanted it, or at least dreamed about it.

I just simply love how full of everything this picture is, SO MUCH could be going on here and you just cannot know.

Here someone could be laughing, crying, praying, dancing, sleeping..ANYTHING....this picture just holds so much...

I love just how clean the sand is, and beautiful and clean the ocean is...it's hard to believe, in other parts of the world people are dying every five minutes due to poor or dirty conditions. It makes me sad, that they will never ever get to experience this, to experience the beauty that this planet has...

I don't understand why the whole world cannot just share, there is enough on this earth for everyone to live a comfortable life, it just seems, that some people seem to live a life of luxury, whilst others are struggling to survive..

It shouldn't be about what you have but who you have..to spend time with nature..ok so there might not be a beach like this near where you live, but i bet there is somewhere equally as beautiful...and you know...you should enjoy and embrace it, and maybe give a little of the extras to the ones who need it more.

Help for the heroes

Ok, so I've been thinking about it,

It really really is time that people started to realise exactly what our heroes do for us, and actually give time to thank them.

There is this amazing charity called help the heroes, and last night i was just reading on there some of the things these poor soldiers have to go though, even if they do not lose their life, quite a few are left with a disability, and sometimes even loose limbs. That's not even adding into the mix the emotional and mental trauma they suffer.

So think about it, while you are sitting at home, drinking tea, reading a newspaper of watching TV, please just take time to think about the people out there on the front line, battling for your freedom, for you to be able to live and sit and do exactly what you do.

I'm not saying you dont have a right to do what you want to do, but i'm saying you should give thought the other men and woman out there. Say a prayer and light a candle for them, and if you have some money left over at the end of the week instead of wasting it, how about giving it to the charity..

Buy a h4h band...or there are other things you can by on there site..think about it. the money goes to an extremely good cause and not to mention the publicity the charity will get..

I wear my help the heroes band with pride and you should to..

Peace out x

Where did it go wrong?

Tell me where did we go wrong?
What changed.?
What the fuck did i do, to make it all go like this.
I hate not having you in my life.
And what makes it worse is that we used to be SO tight and could tell each other anything..
To say best friend, cannot even begin to come close to what we were like
i hate it...

my daddy up above..

Daddy i don't understand, i am only three, mummy said you went away to join in the army. She said you was a brave man, and that she was so proud, she said you always made a difference and stood out from the crowd.

She said there were some bad men and they had been very bad, made alot of people fight and made them very sad, that daddy was a soldier, and he stood for peace and love, that he had gone to make these bad men, be friends again and hug.

But then one day mummy was crying i asked her what was wrong, she said ' baby daddy is not coming home now' I wondered what i had done wrong.

She said you'd gone to live with the angels, way high up in the sky above, and that i was not to worry you were surrounded with so much love.

I asked mummy if one day, if i could come visit you with the angels and play, but she said that daddy, you were to far away, and i couldn't get there to play not even by a plane.

I cried a little for you but wiped the tears from my eyes, i needed to be strong for mummy, a night i heard her cries.

We miss you daddy, like alot, really alot! I wish you would come home now, i don't like the word 'gone'. Mummy said it was ok, if i wanted to cry, she said that it was normal, but i don't like to cry.

If you could come home now, then we can run and play, mummy would be happy and me too in every way!

But for now i say a prayer for you before i close my eyes.. pray that you are ok, and happy in the sky..

until the day i see you again, i miss you daddy just so much..

I really really love you..my daddy up above...

Ok, so this is pretty crap, but i wrote it just now, i was watch a tv thing about war, and there was this little girl, who was three years old, she lost her dad in the war.just for a second i tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine what it would be like to have and lose someone you love in the army, and i wrote this..

I don't know, i guess that i'm trying to get across the point of what the war and fighting can do to everyone, it really does affect the entire world

give peace and chance

this should not have to happen as often as it does

war is over...but like john lennon said, only if you want it..

PS: The intention of this is to move you, that, is the only way sometimes to get a message across..but you know what...

if this did move you then i want to thank you, you have a heart and a soul, there is hope for this world.

A little bit of peace...

All i really want is a little bit of world peace..

It's not much to ask really is it...?

Sometimes i am ashamed to live on a planet like this.

I just cannot understand why the world is so full of hatred for other people..?

Why can the world not just live as one.?

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE... thats all i'm sayin really...

And it's all i think about...

It's something i want more than my own life...

urgh, I'm off to hug a tree....

Why can't i just be who i want to be?

I wish i could listen to my heart.
I wish i could take what i say to other people
and mean it for myself with all the PASSION AND LOVE i have for others..
I hate when i have down days, and every bit of logical thiniking goes out fo the window,
and i'm left with my own thoughts of what i feel people think of me.
Why the fuck can i just not take my own advice?
I can say it to others and fully believe in what i am saying..i DO believe in it, everything does happen for a reason and there is always hope...i want everyone to be equal and happy...and i , really want it for whoever it may be..
But when it comes to myself i can't see it..when i'm upset, the whole concept of the sun will rise again goes out the window and i just wanna lay there and cry my eyes out.
I can say..the whole world and everyone in it is beautiful..
but yet i think/know i am the most ugliset person in the universe.
I could slap myself sometimes.
I actually could...
One day...one day...I'll be the person who i help everyone else to be...

Thinking....

Ok so i figured out, that i really do have some wonderful friendships in my life. and i mean ok, some people really don't give a fuck, and they never will, and as if i will ever be able to do anything about that and change it.. It's not gonna happen.

But those very rare people who i CAN call my real friends, are they, or are they not, the best thing that could ever possibly happen to my life. ?

And you know what i also figured out..?

It's the friends who i don't constantly talk to, and the ones in which i sometimes hardly ever see, that are the most loyal and trustworthy, and there for me when i need them...

It's not the ones that go 'oh your my best friend' even though it's clearly not true...

It's not the ones thats completely ignore me until they want to find something out or get something off me...

It's the ones who remind me, every now and then that they will always be there for me.

It's the ones who sometimes just have to give me a hug or say 'i love you' for me to feel better..

It's the ones that say, i will do everything i can to help and understand you..and not the ones that say 'i totally understand' when they don't.

Sometimes it's the people you have never met in person...but when you do meet, you realise your like twins...so amazingly alike..but so beautifully different at the same time...

I don't want to lose those people, the day they go I'm gone too...but i really should start getting rid of those unhelpful idiots who pull me down the entire time..

Oh well...I'm grateful for who i have, and thats all that matters.. :)

I wanna fly away

I'm really falling oh so apart and i don't know whats wrong...

I'm emotional, sad and feel like i have the entire universe upon my shoulders.

I feel even more guilty because i know there are people worse off than me out there..people who deserve help..people so alone who have no one...yet still i am selfish...and cry..

I sometimes wish i was not here and i was not alive, then i couldn't ruin anyone Else's life, and i could be an angel, speaking words of love and wisdom to those who need it.

Not sitting being a waste of space like i currently am.

I just want to get away from it all..it's just getting a little bit too much for me to handle right now. I just need a few days out to chill and look at things from a different angle..but i don't even have five seconds spare to myself to do that in...

Sometimes i wonder why i am so selfish, and thinking about myself...but at the same time i wish i could be honest with people and tell them how i am feeling and when i am really not ok...saying i am fine all the time is a downright lie..thats not fair on anyone now is it?

I think i'll go have a little singer songwriter session,,get it out...

But if anyone finds the remote to life let me know.? Istill wanna get off for a bit...

I've heard it said

Oh wow, so i was just randomly listening to music on you tube and stumbled across a video of 'for good' i was watching the emotion and heart going into the characters and broke down a little...

I realised how many people i have in my life that have changed me for the better....and i also cried, because i was sad i hardly knew them anymore, at least the majority of them.

I wanted to write them a blog to just say how amazingly grateful i am...

It's the little things that have changed me...all the little ones...but for now i want to dedicate this, to the small few who REALLY did change me...

'It may well be

that we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me day before we part

So much of me,

Is made of what I've learned from you

and you'll be with me

Like a hand print on my heart'

Rosh: Oh my gosh chica, you made me see life in a totally different way to what i used to view it, and i am so blessed to have known you for the past 4/5 years. Thank you for everything and you everlasting beauty and sou...you taught me to see the good in people that the world had given up on. You taught me different ways to look at things, a way to look, that is more positive and understanding, i cannot thank you enough for that, it means so much to me, like really..:)

Emma: Because you are like my sister, from the second i met you we clicked and i can honestly say i think i would be dead right now if it was not for you, i pretty much could tell you anything and you would be there, even if you were busy, i dont think you ever judged me either and thats the beauty of it...it makes you even more special...you have a wonderful heart and i dont think i would ever want that to change.

Charlotte: Because you like the other half of me!! I adore you to little pieces i love how you stand upp for what you believe in, for example HOW HARD you work to keep ben's memory alive and to raise awareness of knife crime...it's magical what you do it really is. i love how the little things no matter how silly have a huge significance to you...just becuase of the person who gave them or the memory behind it, that is amazing..please never ever change anything about your self or who you are, you already as perfect as you could possibly be...

Ericka: Omgosh, your like a little mini Roshni! Your totally amazing...!! You have such a beautiful soul and heart, and what makes me cry and brings me to tears is the fact that you are still so young, i have never seen someone that young be SO BEAUTIFUL in the way you are. I love how we have so much in common...it's just awesome...and i cannot wait till the day i FINALLY get to do a workshop with you :)

Sarah R: Your smile your smile your smile!!! It lights up my heart and my life, and you always make me feel better about myself, i love everything about you. i love how you are so amazingly beautiful and yet you still talk to me!!!! i love how you are SO POPULAR and make time for me, i don't understand why you would do that. Again never ever change, everyone adores you the way you are...

Sarah B: I LOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU...you really are one of my best friends you are always there for me, even when im having some major boy crisis problem, or evn something more stupid than that! I love your bluntness.... 'VIKKIE what the hell are you bloody thinking love you can do SO mcuh better' thank thank thank thank you :) Xx

Sarah C: ANOTHER Sarah but also another best friend of mine, You give me a reason to get up sunday mornings when i would rather stay in bed, because i know when i get down the yard we can have a good old chat and giggle....and normally a good bitching session to..: ) You understand me....your amazing ...

Jenna: MY TWIN, MY OTHER HALF, MY SISTER...i'm not even going to write anything, ebcause i simply cannot put it into words.....ok :)

and everyone else...

Wiana,Steven,ALL the young Americans,my college friends (spesh Ellie) Sophie, Daisy, Ellen...Spazzums, OMG THERE ARE JUST SO MANY!!! :)

Liebe

Learning to dance in the rain

I wish sometimes that my life was like a DVD..

Something i could observe from a distance, something i could rewind, pause or fast forward...or even better i could eject, throw away and put a new one in the player.

But then life is not like that, there are hard times...and i guess they do make you stronger, it's about learning to get through them, one step at a time.

There are times when i wonder why i bother...and what the point is in carrying on, like seriously...why the fuck if something is going to go wrong, does it have to do it all in one go. Life is actually a total arsehole, and it will screw you over more times than the biggest player ever will, more than anybody you could possibly meet.

No one dies a virgin, life really does screw us all.

I wish it was easy to just accept the fact, move on from it and it will be ok, but really, life just does not happen that way.

It's learning to dance though it, and live..just LIVE...and sometimes i need reminding of that...which is why i'm writing it as a blog, to read back on.

Even if you feel you cannot help yourself, then isn't it better to reach though the darkness and help someone else...just till you feel ok again?

I mean thats only a thought...but i think it's a good one right?

There is always hope

I have a poster next to my bed. My friend sent it to me for Christmas..

It's a photo of a girl holding a heart balloon...and behind her lie the words

'THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE'

It gives me hope..always...theres always a little part of me, no matter how bad life gets, that holds on to meaning and significance of the words on this poster...

It gives me a little room to breathe when i feel like i'm being crushed under all the stuff thats going on in my life...HOPE....I love that word don't you? There's so much beauty inside a word which PROVES beyond a doubt, that no matter what, things will be ok...and you know what..i think...they really will..because i do have hope...

I'm not that stupid and i know, i know that everything will not happen overnight..one step at a time is all it really is if you think about it. Don't be a quitter..quitters get nowhere, and please don't be afraid of failure..you only fail when you don't try...and remember whenever you think it's hopeless to even bother trying...

THAT THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE...

There really is a point in everything, no matter how insignificant...

I once read a story about a young girl who committed suicide..her note read..

'I'm going to jump off the bridge..i can't this anymore, but, if just one person smiles at me as i'm walking there, then i will turn around and come home, get help and live again...'

She ended up jumping...ok so i know thats not a good thing to put here...but...think about it...she only wanted a smile...JUST ONE SMILE...so smile at a stranger...yes it may seem insignificant but look at the difference it made...she gave up on hope...and one person just ONE person could have made that change...to think she even got to the stage where she felt there was no hope breaks my heart

HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE

Have it for yourself and in return others will have it too....If you see someone falling apart and crying don't walk past, ask them if there is anyway you can help...

Tell them to listen to their heart..and hope is whispering...keep trying...

Missing....

I hate that feeling when you miss someone...

The feeling when, you feel there is no where you would rather be than with that person.

A person who helped shape who you are today, who guided your way so often when your world was full of darkness..

A person who is like a mother, sister and friend all in one.

And the beauty of it is..you know for a fact that are like that with EVERYONE else too...

You know their heart, and the full beauty and truth within it.

It hurts you own heart, in knowing you are thousands of miles away from them, and most likely will be for a long time to come..maybe even for the rest of the time you are living..

They are amazing,simply amazing,the kind of person of whom make you believe in the presence of angels...i think, i can honestly say, there is only three people i can think of...who are too good to be human...

I wish more than ever i could be near this person, and just to hear the beautiful voice and words of wisdom.....and to see them smile...and get a whole room full of smiles in return...to see them dance...with such conviction and such PASSION...it makes you believe that dance really is the cure to everything.

I wish i wish i wish..and i wish there were more people in the world like her..it really would be a better place..

A Sarah make they whole world smile and have passion leader...and a Roshni world peace and inspiration leader and maybe a little Wiana helping Roshni with her own added dose of total CRAZYNESSS.... hmmm that seems a perfect world to me... as long as there were horses..

But right now...i miss Sarah more than anything else, more than i have missed someone in a long long while. I miss how when she is in the room, the whole atmosphere changes, its just so much lighter and brighter..

I love her to the end of the earth...I AM SO SO SO SO SO LUCKY TO HAVE HAD HER IN MY LIFE.....

although it sucks..that i'm too scared to send it to the person it's about...

x

...........

I just found out my godfather died Wednesday..
It got me thinking..about life, about the fragility for it, how easily it can be given, but yet, how easily it can be taken away.
It's ironic that things happen when you least expect it, and to the people you least expect it to, but then i guess that's life, and it's complexity.
I think theres no such thing as, 'it was not meant to happen though', life happens for a reason, things happen for a reason..EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
If there is a train or plane crash, and you were meant to be on it, then believe that you did not get on that plane or whatever for a reason. However it should make you realise how precious your life is, you should make something of it, make something of what you've been given.
It's just a thought...

wondering...

I hate feeling like this.
That feeling I've done something wrong, and even worse the feeling that your lying to me when i ask if your ok.
We used to be best friends, more like sisters, even twins...
and now...well everything has changed...
I can't talk to you like I used to, it hurts like hell, you were one of the people i was closest too, i mean, i could always be myself around you, i never had to hide who i was or pretend to be a different person to what i really am.
Maybe i am being paranoid i don't know, maybe i am being really stupid but i really have this feeling that what i think is true, is true.
I wish i knew what happened and what made everything change so suddenly. i sometimes wish i had not come to visit you the last time, because sincce then, everything has become fucked up.
Oh i don'tknow...i wish things were differnet..
and maybe just maybe, i wish i was not so paranoid!

A little love ♥

I really do not understand this world sometimes.

I'm sitting here wondering why people have to die, just to stand up for peace, just to stand up for everyone being equal.

Why is this whole world so greedy, so consumed with utter power. Where there is a need for power, there is never going to be a chance of peace, it just cannot, and will not happen.

Replace power, replace hate with love.

Real love and i mean REAL, TRUE love, can overcome anything that life throws at you.

The world should not be about what you own, but more about who you have.

Why should some innocent person die, over an argument of something so so silly like land ownership...

SHARE

LOVE

GROW

There is enough to go around for everyone, if people just learn to share. Some people may have much more than they need to survive, things that we would call luxuries, but then at the same time there are people that have nothing near what they need. How about giving a little to them instead.

It just makes me cry, to think there are people dying out there, people who don't even have a glass of clean water, yet in England we have all the drinks we could possibly ask for, i just don't understand it.,because we still take that for granted...every single day..

I want the world to be as one, LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE, take love, give love, breathe love, achieve love

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Love is all you need ♥

Learning to let go....

Sometimes, life gets really hard..real real hard, and so amazingly complicated, and i find myself wondering, is there really any point in this at all.

Yesterday i quit college, i literally had had enough of it, and determined i was that i would not go back. I still agreed to meet with one of my tutors to talk about my options, and so, therefore i am now going to finish this course off...there is only four months left now, and i come out of it with a diploma...so i might aswell go for it right? If not thats three years wasted for no reason whatsoever.!

I guess that my ultimate goal in life is to touch and heal as many hearts and lives as i possibly can, and i want to do that though the beautiful world of dancing. I ultimately NEED this diploma if i want to get anywhere in the dance world.

Dance, just means so much to me, its what i do when i am happy, and when i am sad. I would simply love for the entire planet to get a chance to dance..to be able to open a dance school and give very cheap or even free dance lessons to the under privileged people would be literally a dream come true, and yes ok it might not work for everyone, but if it prevents just person being killed on the streets by knife crime, then surely it is worth it right. I think maybe its not a matter of doing it because it's fun, but doing it because there is nothing else to do. What example is that to our children? Is it not so much better to have all those teens dancing together, than stabbing each other on the streets.

THE CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, and it is us they look to for hope, courage and inspiration, and we, as adults, need to give that to them. They will be the ones looking after us in our older years, we must teach them well, and that there is other alternatives to hanging about in the streets causing trouble.

I guess that sometimes, no matter how hard things get i just need to learn to let go, and not worry about what other people think, nor what i think about myself. It's about proving myself and other people wrong. I wanna help make a future, and being a quitter, is not going to get me anywhere now is it.?

STRENGTH

HOPE

PASSION

BEAUTY

LOVE

Friday dancing ♥

I wish i could be more confident in myself.
I wish that i could walk into a class and be able to perform or do whateverto my hearts content without worrying about what people think of me.
I hate myself for it and hate is such a strong word i know but when want so much for the world, but cannot bring myself to do it..
I struggle to accept who i am.

Today in my urban dance class we were dancing 'locking' which is a form of urban dance. I really more than anything wanted to jump in with both feet and my heart and dance till i couldn't dance no more.
Something was stopping me though, there was a constant voice in my head saying i looked stupid and could not dance this style of dance. and no matter how much my teacher told me i was doing it fine, i just could not believe her. I felt stupid.

Why can i not just take my way of thinking about others and use it to believe in myself to...
urgh.

Imagine & Let it be

Today i was again listening to music (as always) and yet again listened to the songs Imagine and Let it be.

It got me thinking of an idea. That maybe i should combine both the songs, into a lyrical based number. The songs, well, they have such a deep meaning for me, they mean so so much, and i wanted to share that with the world but really didn't know how. Which is how the idea came into my mind.

I love dance, more than almost anything in this entire universe, and more than just dance, i love to dance to a song that has meaning, and i love dancing freely, being able to express myself however i want to though the music and the lyrics.

So that's my plan for the next few weeks...

I LOVE to dance i really really do, and I'm proud to be a 'dreamer'. So what better way to show the world than combining them together?

A precious young soul ♥

I just watched a video of a young girl aged nine, performing a lyrical dance to 'Let it be'.

Such a small person, yet so much passion, so much hope, so many dreams for herself, and for this planet we live on.

I wanted to write this blog because that is the one little thing that made my day, It made me feel such a array of different emotions.

HAPPY

SAD

THOUGHTFUL

INSPIRED

HOPEFUL

TOUCHED

BLESSED

THANKFUL

I shed a few tears, by a few i mean alot. I have never before seen a girl THIS young be such a good model to other people, even those much older than her!

She is a great credit to this earth and to this planet and we should feel blessed to have her and people like her in it..

It gives me hope that there will be a future for the children that there will be a light amougst the darkness.

This one, young small soul has provesd that to me.

If only the whole world would think the same way as this young heart. The world really would be SO AMAZING.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but i am definatly not the only one

Blessed so so so blessed......

It would be better....

Ok so this is a poem i wrote about my friends 'self harm' problem. She said that her blade was her best friend sometimes. So i've tried to write that in aswell :)

I think it's really important people understnad she is not just crying for attettion, i mean only a few of us know...

A river of deep blood red

Running down my arm

Why can they not understand,

By this i mean no harm?

It makes me feel much better

It sorts out my head

Takes away my pain

Plauges my arm instead

I pick up the gleaming silver

Sometimes he's my best friend

I hold him to my forearm

For my hurting he will tend

Slowly he opens up my pain

I see it all run out

All the anger and the crying

No more need to scream and shout.

One day maybe i'll go to far

Maybe i'll cut to deep..

But in the end does it really matter

I'll no longer have to weep

I REALLY do not care

It would be better if i died

Everyone would be so much better off

If i were not alive

:Alone

A poem to maybe help people understand that sometimes depression is not a cry for attention but a genuine and serious illness which should be thought about and not just thrown to the side. I hope by reading this poem people realize that their friend might have a problem and that they get help before it becomes to late.




:Alone

I feel so scared
locked in a box and all alone
no where to turn to
nowhere to go.

I want someone to save me
But no one understands
I want someone to run to
Someone to hold my hand

I wish i didn't feel
so bad like this all the time
the never ending crying
the constant self denying

Falling apart slowly
In time i will be gone
I don't think anyone will notice
It's much to far along

Everybody hates me
I know they want me dead.
If i was gone
They would be better off they said

They say thats in my head
And that feeling is not true
They say love and they care
But where were they speak to?

I wish i was a different person
I hate feeling this way
living in this nightmare
every single day

One day soon i will be gone
Then maybe they will understand
When i said i needed help, it was true
For this day a long time, I've had planned.

Little Girl

Little girl

I see who you are

You put on a smile

But your falling apart

I wish i could hold you

And help you to stand

But you just run away

As fast as you can

Into the abyss

Of another far off world..

Your dying slowly

Little Girl

I hope one day you'll wake up

And see the true beauty

of your heart, of your spirit and soul.

That you step out of your own world...

Where your alone ,afraid and so cold.

Little girl

I wish you could see

Little Girl

The one who is me.

Sometimes i wonder why I bother...
I'm fed up of the friendship always being what you want it to be, and not what it should be.
I love how i always have to be there for you the entire time, but then, if i were to have a bad day, you walk in the opposite direction and ignore me.
I really thought friendship was about being there for eachother, about a connection that no one else can see.
I wish i could make you understand, maybe you do not realise you are doing it, but it's just not fair on anybody. You pick and choose everyday and forget about everybody else. That is not, in any sense what friendship is about.
I want you in my life, i love you and think you are such an amazing person, however, i think you just need to think, sometimes you don't realise how much you can hurt people by your actions.
What is sad, is that when i first met you, you were a WONDERFUL friend. It seems like you just get bored of people then cannot be bothered anymore.
I can only think of that one fault with you..just one...
Your gonna lose friends if you keep on the way you are.
I don't want that for you, I want you to be happy and enjoying life. But until you open your eyes. You stand the risk of losing alot of the people 'you love'
Just warning you thats all x

Come walk with me

I want you to come and take a walk with me, walk this planet earth, and appreciate the beauty in the little things you would normally never notice.
I want you to see the trees breathing, in and out, in and out. I want you to see the life that they bring to us...for without them, the human race would not exsist. Give them a hug, thank them for this life and for allowing us to breathe.
Walk barefoot though the grass, feel it between your toes and underneath the soles of your feet, this is our world, our home, a beautiful place.
Notice the animals going about their lives all around you, and at the same time , notice the people.
Give the the poor, help each other out, we are all living under the same sky and deserve to be equal, the things that you do in your life time, well they really can be insignificant sometimes, but remember as Ghandi once said, it is ALWAYS important that we do them.
Throw a penny coin into the fountain and make a wish, take a chance, you will never know what could be if you do not try. Anything is possible, any dream thats dreamed can come true, it just takes a lot of hard work, courage and determination. Sometimes you will go back two steps, but then walk forward a hundred. Keep pushing and striving for the dream for you can only fail if you do not try.
Stand on the edge of infinity and look out with pride, what is out there, well thats you choice, so choose to make it something amazing, something beyond what you could ever imagine. The sky is not the limit, as there are footprints on the moon.
Come take a walk with me

I want you to let it be

&& When the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on till tomorrow let it be...

If it was possible to play a song to much, then in the past few days i have certainly over played this song! To write a blog about it was something i have been debating, but i decided i should do it. What do i have to lose?
Sometimes, and now even more than ever, i have had trouble acccepting things., maybe it rained on a day i was going to be going outside, or i would hurt my leg and not be able to go to the stables or dance, when i wanted to do that more than anything at that particuar moment in time...or maybe i lost someone...death is such a complicated thing to understand when it happens to someone you love.
But the title of the song caputred my heart and i decided if anything would inspire me to change it would be this song...the constant repeat of 'let it be' echoed in my mind long after i had played the song...

'LET IT BE'

What could that mean?

Well to me it meant life..simply life.. Your destiny, as much as you can change it, can not be controlled, things happen, sometimes things that are not that good...but you really do have to let it be. At the end of the day, it is most likley that you have gained something from this experence. speaking words of wisdom. You really do learn from everything that happens in life, even the most insignificant of things.
Let it be is such a precious song, 'there will be an answer'...so i try not to give up hope...let it be and you will find an answer...
THERE WILL BE AN ANSWER LET IT BE..
I hold on to that and just live for the moment...tomorrow is another day...why worry about it now...
Trying.
Hoping.
Letting it be.

A special soul

I just wanted to write a blog, about a special friend of mine, just because more than ever, they deserve this.

A few days ago, i was having a really hard time, all i wanted to do was cry and i felt like giving up completly. I sent a messagee to this person, asking them if they could come online so i could talk to them, at the time, it was 11pm, this person came online, and in a instant, i felt better.

They spoke to me and listened to everything i had to say, and what was even more beautiful, was that they listened to what i did'nt say. I totally lost track of time, and before i realized it, it was 3am in the morning!

I wanted to share with the world, how blessed i am to have such a wonderful friend in my life.

I learnt how alike we really were, i found i could talk to them, and not be afraid of being judged.

They have such a warm open heart

They heal the world without even realising they are doing it, and thats amazing, so precious. I

wish there were more people on the earth like them, and then the world would be a much better place.

They give me a reason to believe every day of my life and for that i am enternally grateful :)

Sometimes

Sometimes, I just want to run away..
As far as i can go, and never come back...
Sometimes i get the feeling that the entire universe is upon my shoulders.
And as i try to walk i fall..
But then i find the strength from within
The voice that tells me to keep trying
Telling me nothing will ever be perfect
But that if i just learn to stand
I will be ok
My only goal is just to be....

Skins- London ♥

On thursday Charlotte and I went up to London so Charlotte could auditon for the TV programme skins (for those who don't know what that is, you just need to know, it's pretty much amazing) . Anywho...on the way to the station in the car we got lost which was not a good start...but then no ones fault...
When we got to the station and Charlotte went to get her ticket, the lady selling it asked 'auditon?'. However she thought it was for something like Britians gor talent. And it was stupid but just made me smile to see someone working there who was so friendly, open bubbly and chatty..happineesss :::)))))
When we got to the station at the other end, we literally got totally lost and did not have a clue where we was going, on our lost travels...we met a really awesome girl called Danni and this guy called Aaron..who were alos going to the skins auditon, and of whom were also, lost...hahaha :) We must have been walking for nearly an hour. Aaron map in hand trying to figure out just where we was actually meant to be going. Finally we decided that it would be easier if we actually asked someone if they knew where to go, then about half hour later, after walking in the direction we had been pointed in, we finally found where we was suppossed to be all along..what good times :)
Then there was the endless queue outside for hours...but apart from that a good day..
I love meeting new people in such random situations, spesh when they are so nice, jsut so chatty, and we got on right away.
Never before have I seen Charlotte work like she did that day, i am so amazingly proud of her, shes wonderful, and inspires me greatly!!
Love you girl!! xxxxx

Strong, when i am on your shoulders ♥

Today i just got back from what i think is one of the best 'class' riding lesson i have had in a long time...
I was having a major fat day again, and normally i get put on all the smaller ponies that have a much smaller weight limit..such as 8 1/2 - 9 stone...I literally felt that if i went on them today i would kill them so i asked if i could go on a bigger horse, when Chris said go on Charlie i was so happy as i haven't ridden him in a long while, apart from on private lessons...

First of all i had to find someone to actually help me get him out his stable, because hardly no-one will go near him for it...(he can bite, as i once found out)..then we had trouble with his saddle, not being far up enough to the withers etcetc, by the time i actually got into the lesson it had started ten minutes beforehand so i was really happy with him when he worked hard right from the start in his warm up to keep up with the other ponies and horses...
I never realised how much more of a forward going pony he is when he is in a class. i had to work much harder on my aids to keep him from going off on me!! Which he still done a few times when the horse in front went forward to canter! At one point i literally had to just let him go as it was impossible to stop him...

I loved spending abit of time with him again today :), i find he helps to improve my riding, as he is so bouncy i have to make sure he is checked back in trot before sitting otherwise i would be all over the place, i also need to make sure my aids are correct for going into a canter, otherwise he simply will not move...

He taught me alot and thats why i would like to write a little blog about him to let everyone know just how wonderful he really is!!!!

On a sad note i would like to say that Sadie and Valley passed away this week, Sadie was getting very old, and when i heard earlier on this week, it did not come as too much of a shock, However I still cried as she was a good all rounder, who has managed in her life to teach SO many adults and children basic riding, and ground work. Valley passed away on friday just after a X country course, i take comfort in the fact that as she has a heart attack it would have been quick, she would not have known..Valley is a special horse as i had my first ever riding lesson on her at eastminster back in 2005...

Both will be missed.....
Always in my heart


Free from hunger and pain
Their spirits are free
Until we ride again xxxx

Operation Beautiful

Yesterday, Charlotte and I went around balsidon park sticking notes everywhere, to inspire, give hope and change lives.
With our inspiration coming from a wonderful site called operation beautiful, we must have wrote about 50 notes to put up everywhere...
Little quote lines such as
'I believe in you'
'Be the change you wish to see in the world'
'Who's to say the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon?'
'Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes'
'Be your own sunshine when the sky is too cloudy'
And so many others...

It's about believing in the other people that live in this earth, the main area we decided to go to was an area which many troubled teens hang out and go to cause trouble...this could be because the are lost, confused and feel they have no one, so decide to turn to crime as a means to fit in, which is not in any way a right thing to do.
We posted notes to tell them to find their own person, and to NOT be someone who they feel they have to be for people to like them..Notes telling them who TRUE friends are, the ones who will stick by you though thick and thin are the ones i am talking about...

Ok, so Operation beautiful was geared towards woman, to remind them they are all beautiful. but i think just maybe it can go further than that.... :) I hope that any one who reads this will now have a look at that site, they really do some wonderful things, thats one place that has helped me alot :)

Love xxxx