Depression

I want to tell you all a story,a story that yes may seem majorly undramatic, but i want to get the story across. I have suffered from depression in the past, and i wanted to write what it was like so the non-sufferers could maybe..,just maybe...see where i was coming from...as like the million of others who suffer from this horrible illness...
Imagine living in a world where it is constantly cloudy, do you know one of those days where you wake up and can't stand the look of the sky, it looks ugly, un-forgiving, empty and gray, like something that could suck life away....Well one of those cloudy days....Imagine that all the time...yeah it's not a nice image is it?
I don't know what exactly caused my depression to start..i have an idea..a few things that happened around the age of twelve, i lost someone very close to me and at the same time was not being treated right by someone whom i thought i could trust, and i think, well i know in my heart that i want it to stay just that way on this blog, the thought of it getting to personal scares me to death... It was hard, and i shrunk back into myself...my friends saw that i was getting down, they saw my heart sinking..and they saw that i was struggling..the more they tried to help me, the more i run in the opposite direction, to me, everything was just making this cloud bigger, it meant i had to run fast...away...
I know right now you are finding that hard to understand, i mean on one of those days where the sun is so bright in the sky that you cannot even look up without being blinded...how can THAT be horrible and cloudy, and i quite honestly cannot explain anymore...its hard..unless you have been there.
But i do know more than ever that depression is real and here in this world, it sickens me how little is known about it....I have a friend, who has a very serious and bad form of depression, and a few days ago, she tried to kill herself...when she was taken to the hospital...they treated her like fucking shit, just because her wounds were self inflicted...she's had way too much vodka, and her arms and legs were covered in cuts...many of them deep...they just did not care and left her sitting for hours...when she did get seen it was with no respect whatsoever....YES i know that maybe compared to other people she didn't seem 'important' but surely there must have been something pretty huge to be going on in her head to make her even get to that stage, it should be about helping people like this...no pushing them away and making them feel worse...
It's wrong, really wrong, if a lesbian were to walk in, and say she had fallen doing something and seriously hit her head...well it would be like the hospital saying...'I'm sorry you can just wait over there for hours because your a lesbian, and they treat her like the plague when the DO treat her..' but you know what? if they done that, it would be done for homophobia...how comes for mental issues everything is so different? Its fucking bullshit.!
I'm not saying its the fault of the staff really, what i AM saying is that they are not educated enough, my bests friends mom is trying to do a campaign to raise awareness in hospitals about mental health issues, saying that all A&E nurses should have some form of mental training. I am asking you all please to help as much as you can, i will keep you posted on here with any updates..
Depression is really not fun, and its not something that people just fake either...no one and i mean no one can fake being down for that long, and no one would permanently scar their body without reason...
Its about time awareness was raised about this situation

thank you for reading.

JAPAN NEED US!!! WE ARE AS ONE!!!

Why does the world have to be so awful, and why do some people judge by skin color and image? I overheard someone today saying that this whole thing in Japan is a cry for attention and that they were not going to think about helping because they were not English citizens....' It made me feel literally sick, i have never heard anything so awful, also the face that the chance the are English citizens out there is at least 99.9% or even more.

When will people learn that Japan is a part of us...ok, so we might be totally differ net in image and looks, and language, BUT we are all human beings and live under the same sky.

It shocks me to think that people would look upon other human beings as a inanimate object, with no question for their thoughts or feelings.

I keep on listening to the we are the world version that was created for Haiti, and there is a line 'And now Haiti need us' Well now Japan needs us, and i am sorry if this blog pisses you off where i keep on and on, but at the end of the day, just don't read it. If i know this blog gives even ONE person a different view, and helps them to see the world AS ONE. Then what i am writing right now will be worth it.

My heart is still breaking everytime i hear about it on the news or read about it, I think about the group of amazing people called the Young Americans that are out there at the moment, and it makes me smile and gives me just a little hope, that they are singing and dancing though this tragedy...after all music is a language we can all speak, and it's a wonderful way to help take peoples minds off what is going on in their beautiful country.

It's sad, because Japan really is beautiful, and now its just looks like a bombsite, i wish to go out there and help in anyway i can, it makes my heart happy to know there are hundreds of others out there who feel the same way, WE CAN bring Japan back to what it was like, with love strength and courage, and that will also be what gets the world though this tragedy.

COME ON WORLD! x

Learning to dance in the rain

I wish sometimes that my life was like a DVD..

Something i could observe from a distance, something i could rewind, pause or fast forward...or even better i could eject, throw away and put a new one in the player.

But then life is not like that, there are hard times...and i guess they do make you stronger, it's about learning to get through them, one step at a time.

There are times when i wonder why i bother...and what the point is in carrying on, like seriously...why the fuck if something is going to go wrong, does it have to do it all in one go. Life is actually a total arsehole, and it will screw you over more times than the biggest player ever will, more than anybody you could possibly meet.

No one dies a virgin, life really does screw us all.

I wish it was easy to just accept the fact, move on from it and it will be ok, but really, life just does not happen that way.

It's learning to dance though it, and live..just LIVE...and sometimes i need reminding of that...which is why i'm writing it as a blog, to read back on.

Even if you feel you cannot help yourself, then isn't it better to reach though the darkness and help someone else...just till you feel ok again?

I mean thats only a thought...but i think it's a good one right?