A modern day titanic

Ok, well yesterday i was out with my beautiful sister Alice in Romford on our way to my friend Hannah's house and my mom sent me a message saying that there had been an accident off the coast of Italy and a cruise ship was sinking. At first i couldn't believe it, literally couldn't, there was no part of my mind that could grasp the fact that exactly 100 years from the Titanic this other cruise ship was going down too. Instantly i wanted to burst into tears my heart was aching because i wanted to be there and be helping the people stuck on board that boat, i hate boats, with a passion for this exact reason....drowning is one of my worst fears along with burning to death, they are two extremes, but also two ways in which i would find the worst to die.  But i wanted to be there, i wanted to help..I don't know what my problem is, i think i must be stupid or something or just pathetic but whenever something like this happens..war, the 9/11, plane crashes, boat crashes etc...i could cry for hours, over something that is really, nothing to do with me. So this blog, I'm going to try and make it a good one to help people overcome the tragic thing that has happened. I really do pray that everyone that got out of that ship can find a piece of mind and strength to get over what has happened, and i also hope that the families whom are still waiting for news on their missing loved ones will hear the news they want to hear as soon as possible. I hope that those who are trapped, lost, missing or whatever, well i hope that they are found safe and that they can recover well enough to lead as much of a normal life as they can...and as for the ones that couldnt be saved...well i hope they found peace..i pray there was no suffering that it was simply a simple as falling asleep. 

When i got home from my friends house and yard (i have to go back again soon so im trying to get my blog updates written up!) my nanna showed me the picture in the newspaper and literally my heart jumped into my throat, and i just wanted to cry all over again I've never...in my lifetime seen anything like it. The headlines grab you and pull you in for all the wrong reasons, not for the good reasons that you would want to read '38 MISSING LAST NIGHT AND THREE DEAD AS CRUISE SHIP FLIPS ON SIDE' my gosh it really is awful. The pictures, are so full of emotion, the looks on peoples faces is enough to make any normal human being feel something within the heart a certain sadness that comes with fear and loss, even without being there. I just really wanted to write a blog about this as its affected me alot, i wanted to write and dedicated to everyone who has been hurt, maimed or killed by the events that happened.
For everyone whom is reading and has been affected by the sinking of Costa Concordia, i wish you peace, love, strength..i wish you happiness and i wish you hope. I believe that as a nation we will pull though something like this, it's the only time sadly that everyone works together 
'we must realise, that a change can only come, when we stand together as one'
That quote i totally love it and its so important to me, i believe that in the case of this sinking that is why there are so many survivors because so many people have banded together to try and help. 

All my love. Your all beautiful my wonderful readers. I wish you a beautiful day. Love you all.

In peace

just realised if you look at the isalnd where all the shootings took place in Norway, It's the shape of a heart (well not perfect but you know you can see it if you look the right way)..and it made me cry....To me that is a symbol that the dead are at peace and loved ones can (try) to move on..i just saw and thought i would share it on facebook...'death' does not mean the end of love...

- i just posted this on my facebook and thought that i should put it in a more publice place :)x

Attack on Norway

It's just come up all over the news about Norway and i really do begin to wonder what the fuck is wrong with this earth and the people in it. I know that Norway is one of the last countries i would expect this to happen to, this is a fairly quiet country that does not really cause trouble. It worries me that this is now starting to happen in the countries in where we would have once deemed safe to live in. There is reported already to be seven people dead, and more seriously injured, and ok so that might only be 'seven' lives at the moment, but each one of them is precious...by destroying that life, you have broken the hearts of many others and took away someones right to live, something that no one, apart from god, has the right to decide. There is also meant to be a gunman on the loose of a island nearby to Norway, i mean really WHAT THE FUCK?!? There were people hiding in bushes and people trying to SWIM off the island just to get away. I don't understand it...The world is falling apart, and people are not caring, there is only so long you can sweep something like this away as if it does not exist, and then by the time people realise that its a problem that needs addressing, it's too late the worlds gone.

It just gets me so angry, I'm sitting here crying, because it just hurts my heart to see this world, the planet we live on, in such a freaking mess all the time, i don't understand, i cannot begin to understand..what must have been going though the minds of the people who planted the bombs, and what it must be like for the ones left suffering..people always talk about the dead, but rarely the are the people left behind thought about straight away...thats always after, after the time when they need the help the most....it's just awful.

I'm not saying that Norway is the perfect country and im not saying that this was going to happen...what i'm saying is, this was clearly an attack to simply kill...in a low risk country, to put more people all over the world in constant fear.

Norway is looking like a war zone, no where should look like that...guns need to be put down, the whole idea of bombs needs to be thrown away and the world needs to live in 100% peace, and i'm sorry if you don't agree with that, because it's something i'm going to fight for till i die.

7th July 2005

7/7/2005..the day that London was shaken with the horror of terror attacks by the same evil madman who planned the 9/11. Like the 9/11 i remember exactly where i was upon hearing the news of these attacks. I was sitting in a hospital waiting room waiting to see if i could be fitted in for an urgent MRI scan. My ENT consultant was really worried and was getting his staff to run around seeing if they could fit me in. I remember the phone ringing and a conversation going on where it was clear that the patient was cancelling their appointment. After getting off the phone the receptionist spoke to another woman and said that there was a free MRI slot as a patient was stuck in traffic due to an incident in London...I didn't think anything of it, it was London, and there was ALWAYS things happening there and it went to the back of my mind especially when the slot was given to me, having claustrophobia the idea of being locked in a tube that long scared me to death.

After the scan was finished i was told to go into town and get something to drink whilst i was waiting for my results...so as per normal for me, i asked my mom if we could drive to a nearby Starbucks..When we got in the car and turned the radio on, was when where heard about everything that was going on in London, my heart was beating so fast i could barely breathe, it seemed to me like 9/11 was only a day ago, and now London had been targeted to. All i could register was the word 'bomb' and 'people dead'...even when i went back to get my results and were told i would need a operation asap i didn't really care, i was in a state of shock, pure shock. I couldn't understand, yet again, why people would commit such evil deeds.

When i later got home and saw everything unfolding before my eyes on TV I broke down even more so, people running, people screaming, people crying, people in pain, people dying, the emotions that kill me to see, the emotions that no human being should have to feel, that no living being should feel. After a while i began thinking about the families, what they must have been feeling 4 suicide bombers called 52 people that day, and ok, so maybe that was not as big as the thing that happened in America, but lives are lost, and people are still left behind grieving for something that no normal person would go out there and do.

Today family and friends of lost loved ones gathered in Hyde Park for a memorial, proof that the day that happened six years ago now lives on strongly in their minds, and it will do forever.

Things like this just shouldn't happen there is no need for it..

THIS is what i'm about, i'm about making the world see one person at time that world peace is needed, and if just one person reads this message, and changes their outlook, then it's worth it, if it makes just one person think about world peace and that we can do it together, then again it is worth it.

You may say i'm a dreamer but im not the only one, i hope some day that you will join us and the world WILL live as one.

Jazzfest deutschland 2011

So this previous weekend that has just gone, has been perhaps the most beautiful and the best of my life. When my twinnie said i would love jazz fest, i never really imagined i would love it as much as i really did. From the very second i got off the plane and stepped onto German soil i was complete, even more so when i saw my German family. I didn't really think my heart could be more full and so filled to bursting with love and happiness. Then i went to Jazzfest, oh my gosh, i've never been to a place where i felt i fitted in so well. Every single person there was an individual and everything there to buy was different, i didn't have enough pairs of eyes to look at everything...i kept getting told i looked like a pretty little fairy and ok, the pretty bit was maybe abit fucked...i think everyone had one too many to drink..! But the whole fairy thing made me smile so much :) i actually loved that. One of the best moments i think was sitting on the grass in the sunshine, drinking cocktails, smoking a cigarette with the people you love the most by your side. The wonderful moments, walking from stall to stall, barefoot, the freedom, the pure magic of being in the most beautiful place in the world. The music, oh my gosh the music, people playing on African style drums and just sitting crosslegged on the floor with a guitar singing...its everything i am,and everything i want to be for my entire life. I cant believe that its all over now for another year. Despite the fact i spent 200 euros in two days (opps) i had the best time of my life, and i could have quite easily stayed there forever, even with no facebook, Internet or phones....and i got some amazing, beautiful and very unique things for my friends. :)

peace x

What is hope?

What is hope..? Hope is something that keeps you going though everything, a light that glimmers, and keeps flickering, even when it seems the world has run out of oxygen to breathe in.

Hope is something that whispers in your ear, one more time, when you fall to knees and loose courage for what you always believed in.

Hope is powerful, it keeps us clinging on, when any other time we would have given up without a thought to it's future impact.

Hope is something that makes us fight for what we want, it makes us human. It helps us to learn that mistakes are necessary if you are going to grow at all.

Hope is something that keeps us believing there will be a better day, that this world will change and one day everyone and everything will live as one.

Hope is something that makes us so passionate about the things we love, and makes us want to go out and pursue our dreams and help others achieve theirs.
Hope makes the world go around.

Hope is like a bird

Flying free

Endlessly swooping into the hearts of those who need her...

Hope is you ...

So this is something i wrote for a friend or more a sister of mine, but i actually think she hates me now, i wrote it in a book about a week ago and was going to send it to her, but i think just here is a better idea :)

Eurovision

I'm sitting her right now watching the eurovision and i could swear something is wrong with me, I've cried non stop since the second it started, the fact that it's based in my most favourite country Germany could be a big factor, the fact i miss that country and place with my entire heart. But the songs this year, already so many of them have been about world peace and love and hope and just everything that is so amazing, it really makes me wonder if maybe world peace will be one day achieved, after all, if so many countries are singing about it, surely they must want it badly. Music speaks the words of the soul.
I don't know why i'm so emotional, but i do know that it is shows like this that make me so proud to be British and from Europe, this event, is and always has been spectacular (although no-one does it better than deutschland!) I wish that the whole world could come together for a show like this, and then i wish that like this event, the world could all cheer for something together, the same thing...for people all over the world to be sitting in the same room, and not thinking about fights and wars that might happen between them.
Music is amazing it really is and this event, thats been going on for years, i hope will one day bring the world peace i so want, and the peace that so many others want aswell.
Anyway i'm off to actually pay more attention and watch the show
to be continued later :).....

Evil.....

My emotions are all over the place, completely mixed. I'm happy, yet sad, angered and relived.
Bin Larden in dead, and all i can say to that is good, he was one of the souls on this earth that was PURE EVIL. I am happy because he finally got caught, all his victims can be at peace and families affected can have a piece of mind. Sad...the second i heard is name this morning, i thought back to 2001 and cried and cried..the pain on people's faces, still rings constantly in my head. I'm angered, because i keep thinking maybe he should not have been killed...he's free...how can he deserve that after all the pain and suffering he has put people though? I just saw a man on the news who worked with new york fire department, and he said tearfully that 9/11 is with him every day and with everything he does. SO WHY THE FUCK, should innocent people like this get left with all these awful memories...the torture will never end, whilst he gets to sit up in the clouds laughing on at everyone he has hurt. Forgive me for saying this and i cannot believe this is coming out of me, but he should be captured and tortured, every day for the rest of his god damned life, i wanted him to feel every little bit of pain that he caused other people. I want him to cry, real tears, i want him to wake up wishing his life would just end because its better than being alive...I know thats awful, i know it, and everyone who knows me also knows i NEVER think like that, this case, is just exceptional. I am relived, or more i was to start with, because a tiny part of my heart thought, maybe this is over, maybe the world can start to go back to normal, but then no, that will never happen, because there are so many greedy and selfish bastards in this world...Jimi Hendrix once said...
'When the power of love overcomes the love for power, then the world will know peace'
He was right, its all about power right now, and with that 'demon' gone, there will just be more, and more and more...there are idiots that worshiped that man, who will continue on his work, in memory of him..what a fucking joke. Why can you just leave it alone now.?!?!?
Ok, I'm actually fuming, i could most likely go on forever ranting and ranting. The news broadcaster showed a video tape on 'it', and he was saying that he is 'not afraid to die for what he believes' well....THEN WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU GETTING OTHER PEOPLE TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK YOU FUCKING PRICK!!?!?!?! thats cowardly, and stupid.
I just hope that all the souls free up there that he has killed, will destroy his soul, he does not deserve an afterlife...he does not deserve anything but shit.
I still shed tears daily when i think about the 9/11, i know i'm not American, i know that, but that whole thing affected me big time, before that, i was innocent, i didnt know there was such evil in this world, after 9/11 i refused to get on a plane for eight years, and even after that, i spent the entire time crying my eyes out, i still get scared, i cant see a bag in the street without thinking it 'could' be a bomb, airports are crazy, as are train stations, the security is stupid....all because of this man...there is no trust anymore, and with reason.
'I was born to late, into a world that doesn't care' although to be honest i dont think it ever fucking did. I sometimes wish i was never born, just because i am so ashamed of what this world is coming to....
John Lennon had the right fucking idea and when people realise that we will be much better off.
to be continued...(trust me)

Where where you?

I am sitting her right now, thinking about a dance that i have recently done for 9/11, both the victims and their families, and it shocked me to realise that i remember exactly where i was when it happened. I was on my way home from school in the car, and we were just pulling into my road that i live in, There came a newsflash over the radio saying that a plane a had hit the twin towers in New york city, i was young, and i didn't really understand this, I'd always been on planes from since when i was a tiny baby, and i knew the pilots would not just fly in to a building like that, but then, at the same time, in the innocence that comes with childhood, i didn't think that there were such people on this earth who would WANT to do that, why would someone want to kill a whole plane of human beings, and thousands inside the towers, why would someone want to cause SO MUCH pain and anguish to the world. When i was later sitting on my sofa eating my dinner, watching news coverage of the tragedy, it came though that a second plane had gone into the other twin tower. Then came the news that it was a terrorist attack, i shall never forget how hard it seemed for my mother to try and describe this to me, never, how do you explain something so awful to such a young and innocent person.

So many stories have touched me from that day, for example, the people on the plane that crashed into the field, the people on that plane fought with the terrorists, they knew they were going to die, but they managed to get the plane to crash into a field, sparing the lives of hundreds. They gave themselves so selflessly. The story of the 'falling man' imagine knowing your going to die, and then having to decide if you want to perish in this building or jump, such thoughts should not have to ever be thought about, no one should be in the situation to have to do that. The story of the couple in the north tower, they jumped out the trade centre holding hands, thats love, true love and it brought tears into my eyes.

I don't know why, but the 9/11 affects me alot, still, i know i'm not American and nor did i know a person that died, but it breaks my heart just to see these things happening. America, for me, is such an amazing place, i've never seen a country bound together like that before, everywhere you look, people hold their flag, people with tears pouring down their face, hearts breaking, but still clasping in their free hand a small but still powerful american flag. Flags everywhere, never forgetting their pride, instead of letting it separate them, it brought them together, i admire them for that.

I think about it alot, and also cry about it alot still, LOVE is the answer and i wish people could just see that and accept it, we would be much better off if people did. When the rubble was cleared away from ground zero one small part was left a part of the structure in the shape of a cross, i dont know what i believe when it comes to religion and i dont know if god exists, but i think that was his way of saying the dead were at peace, and free...

So many people lost their lives that day, and so many people equally had their lives ruined, people lost parents, siblings, spouses, sons and daughters...almost everyone. The planes that were taken had children in them, people who were just starting out in life, only the have it snatched away from them. It's just not fair.

I wish the world would just get on and live together, there is no need for killing people.

'An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind' as Ghandi once said.

America you inspire me, such a strong country full of such heart and hope.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL...

26th March 2006

So today i was on facebook and looking though my pictures and remember after seeing the Young American folder that it is 5 years since Gweedo passed away. I wanted to write this blog in his memory, i felt that it was needed, i mean, i never got to meet this guy but i thought he was amazing, just by what i heard from the people who knew him, and the Young Americans i met that year.

I don't know the full story and i don't pretend to, nor is it my business to know, but i DO know that they day before the YA were due to come to our school, we heard the sad news that one of the cast members had passed away. Rumours started flying around, some that i don't even want to mention, but all i was thinking was,' but the Young Americans are a group of young people how could this have happened to someone so healthy and so free?'

My heart literally broke for them, and when i found out that they were still coming to our school i was literally in a state of shock, i don't know how someone could be so strong. It was amazing. I know i wrote a blog like this a couple of years ago, but i think that someone like this should not be forgotten, therefore a new blog, new beautiful thoughts and prayers of love and freedom.

Gweedo, well he was an amazing guy, REALLY amazing, and i know you are all thinking how could i know that when i had never met him... Well the answer is, the stories i heard, the videos i have seen and the pictures i have been shown. The only conclusion that i can come to, is that heaven needed him much more than anyone on earth could, because he was just to good to lose from this earth, i was gutted that i didn't get to meet him, REALLY gutted. But his story inspired me to be who i am today and taught me the beauty in having strength in the heart. The young americans, for the three days i was with them were amazing, there were tears, lots of tears, and all i wanted to do was to hug them all and make it ok, but i couldnt, i mean what can you say when something so awful has happened. Oh my gosh, i remember on the night of the show and this AMAZING girl called Aliana stood up on her own and said 'our show this evening is in memory of our dear friend Brent Gweedo Mathews' and oh my god i'm crying again now even thinking about it, the strength it must have took to get up and do that....I still cry everytime i watch the DVD and think about Gweedo. I don't care i never met him, i still know for a fact that he is impacting lives. My friend Katie had him homestay and was telling me about how he gave her a safety pin with green ribbon to keep her safe, and i thought that was a beautiful story, i always keep a safety pin attached to me now..A year or so ago, i was hanging out with one of my best friends charlottle who i met doing the YA in 2010 and was telling her about Gweedo, she gave me this green bracelet, which i still have not taken off, i think soon it's going to break because it's fraying so bad, but i will just keep it in my memory box when that does happen. There is so much meaning behind it that its unreal.

I don't know what else i can really write without sounding stupid..i just hope that the people who love him know how much he has changed my life, and many others like me..i hear Gweedo's story alot when i am doing w/s and i still remember when i done the stick dance with a friend of mine, Emma, in 2009 and i had Gweedo's stick. When she told me that, well, i have never ever ever danced with SO much passion like i did that day and that time. I didn't want to really do that dance, i had been crying so much before and all i thought was, how on earth can i go out there and do this....thats when Emma said. 'You know Gweedo right?, well look this is his stick' and it had his name on it...i knew he was there with me and with all the YA and i just done it and went for it with all my heart. He taught me to be a stronger person, when i lost both of my godparents last month, i had to leave rehearsals for we will rock you for the funeral, and even though my heart was saying, 'i can't do this, i cant go back to rehearsals' i did, and i cried alot, i spent most of the time either hugging one of my friends or having some alone time crying..but when i was needed to be on stage, i put it to the back of my mind and focused on the show...i would not have done that if i had not met the 2006 cast. I have a tattoo on my foot saying free, in memory of all my friends and family that have died, and i always think of gweedo as well whenever i look at it....

SIMPLY BLESSED.

LOVE ALL OVER THE WORLD AND HUGS FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT..

keep on praying for Japan and the lost, may the spirits of those now free, guide you to safety.

(This blog was written in memory of Gweedo, thank you for your heart for changing so many lives, and for still continuing to do so. Free.....)

JAPAN NEED US!!! WE ARE AS ONE!!!

Why does the world have to be so awful, and why do some people judge by skin color and image? I overheard someone today saying that this whole thing in Japan is a cry for attention and that they were not going to think about helping because they were not English citizens....' It made me feel literally sick, i have never heard anything so awful, also the face that the chance the are English citizens out there is at least 99.9% or even more.

When will people learn that Japan is a part of us...ok, so we might be totally differ net in image and looks, and language, BUT we are all human beings and live under the same sky.

It shocks me to think that people would look upon other human beings as a inanimate object, with no question for their thoughts or feelings.

I keep on listening to the we are the world version that was created for Haiti, and there is a line 'And now Haiti need us' Well now Japan needs us, and i am sorry if this blog pisses you off where i keep on and on, but at the end of the day, just don't read it. If i know this blog gives even ONE person a different view, and helps them to see the world AS ONE. Then what i am writing right now will be worth it.

My heart is still breaking everytime i hear about it on the news or read about it, I think about the group of amazing people called the Young Americans that are out there at the moment, and it makes me smile and gives me just a little hope, that they are singing and dancing though this tragedy...after all music is a language we can all speak, and it's a wonderful way to help take peoples minds off what is going on in their beautiful country.

It's sad, because Japan really is beautiful, and now its just looks like a bombsite, i wish to go out there and help in anyway i can, it makes my heart happy to know there are hundreds of others out there who feel the same way, WE CAN bring Japan back to what it was like, with love strength and courage, and that will also be what gets the world though this tragedy.

COME ON WORLD! x

Praying for Japan

I've just been watching the News all day and watching the devastation in Japan is just breaking my heart.
I'm crying my eyes out, watching their houses get destroyed, and their lives, what they have spent their entire life building on being taken out, just like that.
How can the earth be so cruel, how can the ocean, it all it's beauty and vastness, hold such fear and such dread. How can it take away everything....
I want with all my heart to go out there and help, i wish that i could get on a plane and make a chain of people, stand up against nature and help them be strong and fight it, but i cannot, and that hurts like hell...it hurts so much.
I'm thinking of the Young Americans that are out there, Mary-jo, Judy and Bruce, everyone else out there, and i'm just praying they stay safe, they have changed my life so much, and change so many lives, the world would just not be the same without them.
I'm praying and i'm hoping, please god if you are real help these people, help them rebuild their lives and bring comfort to the people who have lost loved ones...
It's so sad...i actually cannot stop crying, it's breaking my heart, i don't know what to write, words just cannot explain....

Please help them someone.....

We are the ones who make a brighter day so lets start giving

'Rural girls have the same dreams as girls everywhere, but they are destroyed by poverty.'

I was just browsing on my twitter account and saw that someone had posted this quote, i mean really, where is the fairness in it.? I'm sick of hearing about people who lose out on things that others can get so easily, just because of money.

I'm talking about this in a big scale, you could go to Africa and find one of the most talented singers that this earth could ever find, a person who wants to share their passion with the world, someone who could be as famous as the wonderful and amazing John Lennon. But will they ever get a chance to show that? No. because they are struggling to survive and make ends meet, and sometimes they will even die young, because they do not even have the money to be alive....a talented and beautiful, individual life, gone, just like that.

It makes me cry that such a beautiful world could be so mean and so horrible to an innocent person, i read a story recently which was about a girl who had bought NINE dresses for her wedding day, all at over £1000 each, and ok, i think some of the comments made about her were out of order, but if shes got that much money to throw around, why is she not giving it to someone who's life it could change..? She is only going to wear them once for christs sake! The money from one dress alone could save a life....but whatever, that's just what i think....

I mean even in England, where compared to some countries and people, EVERYONE is rolling in it, there are thousand of people who are losing out on their dreams, just because of having the lack of funds...look at uni fees reaching a retarded level, and to add the fact all funding is being cut, it makes it impossible for SO MANY people to actually go to uni and make something AMAZING of their life...The government are fucking retarded what they don't realize is that the children are the future, they need to teach and educate them, and help them, not throw them in the corner because they do not come form rich families...by doing that they could be losing out on some amazing doctors,lawers...anyone...there could even be a person there who will find the cure for cancer, but will never get the chance because the government don't give a shit...

Urgh it annoys me...yeah so it might cost them money now, but think in the future how much that child will give back....

Idiots...the worlds people are destroying their planet and their own lives without even realising it.

Home is where the heart is

I think it's stupid, that your home has to be where you are born.

I mean, is home not a place where you are meant to feel most at home and most happy?

A place where you can feel safe and content. The place you heart is.

So does that mean that literally anywhere can be our home, as long as we are happy there.

And anyway, are we not all living under the same sky.? Does that not make us the same?

'Home is where the heart is'

I'm sick of people telling me 'Your already home' when i say i miss my home (Germany). Because i generally love that place more than anywhere else in the entire world, and i know when i have everything sorted and under control, i want to move out there, it's amazing and just so beautiful.

The people, the ground, the grass, i love everything, theres this thing in Germany, that i love called respect, something that England seems to lack quite greatly in more than one area. The place is just so clean.

It gives me hope there, and moves me to tears, how a total stranger will get off the bus to help someone else on, in England people just sit and watch and don't think to help.

I don't need for the sunshine to be beating down to be happy in that place, rain or shine, even in snow, nothing can take away my deep love and affection for that wonderful country.

I miss it.

I miss Germany

I miss my home

This is what dreams are made of

I was looking though tumblr today and i saw this picture..

It gave me such hope, hope for everything in life that i want..

hope for peace and hope for love.

If there is one part of the world, just at least this one place, that is so amazingly peaceful and breathtakingly beautiful. does that not mean that one day the entire world..maybe, just maybe will be the same...

I know it's a dream, a slightly over the top dream but everything good thing that happens starts with a dream right, for something good to happen, someone must have wanted it, or at least dreamed about it.

I just simply love how full of everything this picture is, SO MUCH could be going on here and you just cannot know.

Here someone could be laughing, crying, praying, dancing, sleeping..ANYTHING....this picture just holds so much...

I love just how clean the sand is, and beautiful and clean the ocean is...it's hard to believe, in other parts of the world people are dying every five minutes due to poor or dirty conditions. It makes me sad, that they will never ever get to experience this, to experience the beauty that this planet has...

I don't understand why the whole world cannot just share, there is enough on this earth for everyone to live a comfortable life, it just seems, that some people seem to live a life of luxury, whilst others are struggling to survive..

It shouldn't be about what you have but who you have..to spend time with nature..ok so there might not be a beach like this near where you live, but i bet there is somewhere equally as beautiful...and you know...you should enjoy and embrace it, and maybe give a little of the extras to the ones who need it more.

Help for the heroes

Ok, so I've been thinking about it,

It really really is time that people started to realise exactly what our heroes do for us, and actually give time to thank them.

There is this amazing charity called help the heroes, and last night i was just reading on there some of the things these poor soldiers have to go though, even if they do not lose their life, quite a few are left with a disability, and sometimes even loose limbs. That's not even adding into the mix the emotional and mental trauma they suffer.

So think about it, while you are sitting at home, drinking tea, reading a newspaper of watching TV, please just take time to think about the people out there on the front line, battling for your freedom, for you to be able to live and sit and do exactly what you do.

I'm not saying you dont have a right to do what you want to do, but i'm saying you should give thought the other men and woman out there. Say a prayer and light a candle for them, and if you have some money left over at the end of the week instead of wasting it, how about giving it to the charity..

Buy a h4h band...or there are other things you can by on there site..think about it. the money goes to an extremely good cause and not to mention the publicity the charity will get..

I wear my help the heroes band with pride and you should to..

Peace out x

my daddy up above..

Daddy i don't understand, i am only three, mummy said you went away to join in the army. She said you was a brave man, and that she was so proud, she said you always made a difference and stood out from the crowd.

She said there were some bad men and they had been very bad, made alot of people fight and made them very sad, that daddy was a soldier, and he stood for peace and love, that he had gone to make these bad men, be friends again and hug.

But then one day mummy was crying i asked her what was wrong, she said ' baby daddy is not coming home now' I wondered what i had done wrong.

She said you'd gone to live with the angels, way high up in the sky above, and that i was not to worry you were surrounded with so much love.

I asked mummy if one day, if i could come visit you with the angels and play, but she said that daddy, you were to far away, and i couldn't get there to play not even by a plane.

I cried a little for you but wiped the tears from my eyes, i needed to be strong for mummy, a night i heard her cries.

We miss you daddy, like alot, really alot! I wish you would come home now, i don't like the word 'gone'. Mummy said it was ok, if i wanted to cry, she said that it was normal, but i don't like to cry.

If you could come home now, then we can run and play, mummy would be happy and me too in every way!

But for now i say a prayer for you before i close my eyes.. pray that you are ok, and happy in the sky..

until the day i see you again, i miss you daddy just so much..

I really really love you..my daddy up above...

Ok, so this is pretty crap, but i wrote it just now, i was watch a tv thing about war, and there was this little girl, who was three years old, she lost her dad in the war.just for a second i tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine what it would be like to have and lose someone you love in the army, and i wrote this..

I don't know, i guess that i'm trying to get across the point of what the war and fighting can do to everyone, it really does affect the entire world

give peace and chance

this should not have to happen as often as it does

war is over...but like john lennon said, only if you want it..

PS: The intention of this is to move you, that, is the only way sometimes to get a message across..but you know what...

if this did move you then i want to thank you, you have a heart and a soul, there is hope for this world.

A little bit of peace...

All i really want is a little bit of world peace..

It's not much to ask really is it...?

Sometimes i am ashamed to live on a planet like this.

I just cannot understand why the world is so full of hatred for other people..?

Why can the world not just live as one.?

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE... thats all i'm sayin really...

And it's all i think about...

It's something i want more than my own life...

urgh, I'm off to hug a tree....

Thinking....

Ok so i figured out, that i really do have some wonderful friendships in my life. and i mean ok, some people really don't give a fuck, and they never will, and as if i will ever be able to do anything about that and change it.. It's not gonna happen.

But those very rare people who i CAN call my real friends, are they, or are they not, the best thing that could ever possibly happen to my life. ?

And you know what i also figured out..?

It's the friends who i don't constantly talk to, and the ones in which i sometimes hardly ever see, that are the most loyal and trustworthy, and there for me when i need them...

It's not the ones that go 'oh your my best friend' even though it's clearly not true...

It's not the ones thats completely ignore me until they want to find something out or get something off me...

It's the ones who remind me, every now and then that they will always be there for me.

It's the ones who sometimes just have to give me a hug or say 'i love you' for me to feel better..

It's the ones that say, i will do everything i can to help and understand you..and not the ones that say 'i totally understand' when they don't.

Sometimes it's the people you have never met in person...but when you do meet, you realise your like twins...so amazingly alike..but so beautifully different at the same time...

I don't want to lose those people, the day they go I'm gone too...but i really should start getting rid of those unhelpful idiots who pull me down the entire time..

Oh well...I'm grateful for who i have, and thats all that matters.. :)

Learning to dance in the rain

I wish sometimes that my life was like a DVD..

Something i could observe from a distance, something i could rewind, pause or fast forward...or even better i could eject, throw away and put a new one in the player.

But then life is not like that, there are hard times...and i guess they do make you stronger, it's about learning to get through them, one step at a time.

There are times when i wonder why i bother...and what the point is in carrying on, like seriously...why the fuck if something is going to go wrong, does it have to do it all in one go. Life is actually a total arsehole, and it will screw you over more times than the biggest player ever will, more than anybody you could possibly meet.

No one dies a virgin, life really does screw us all.

I wish it was easy to just accept the fact, move on from it and it will be ok, but really, life just does not happen that way.

It's learning to dance though it, and live..just LIVE...and sometimes i need reminding of that...which is why i'm writing it as a blog, to read back on.

Even if you feel you cannot help yourself, then isn't it better to reach though the darkness and help someone else...just till you feel ok again?

I mean thats only a thought...but i think it's a good one right?