I want to travel the world

Ok, so tonight i was bored and didnt have a clue what to do with my time, i'm just sitting up in my room, literally with nothing to do and i'm bored as hell. She told me to blog so i guess thats what i'm just gonna do, now as you can see from my previous blog i'm not feeling to great right now, I'm fine, don't get me wrong i mean i have my butterfly there is no choice but to be fine..but i don't know...hmmm 
Well this morning when i woke up i must have spent hours on end writing and drawing in my journal and part of it was i made a list of the countries i want to visit more than anything in this world, and i mean, i want to be able to end my life if i live it long saying i've seen the entire world but if i cant do that then i at least want to get these places in as they are up the top.
So basically the ones that are ticked are the ones that i have already been to and already visited, it gets me super excited to think i still have all of these amazing places to go, and trust me when i say, i will get there and i will visit all of these places even if it takes me forever.
I have this incredible friend called Alice and she is literally my best best friend in the entire planet and thankfully, she has got this crazy travel bug too :) She also is Irish, so that just gives us an excuse to visit there, and we are both OBSESSED with Norway (another thing that should be happening soon, photography week in Norway :)) and of course, the pictures will be on here..i think my blog would be never ending over the time im in Norway, or at least, it would be when i got home for a few weeks. I've got alot of places on that list that also not many people would really consider, like the countries where the whole place is in poverty, but the are the ones that need people to visit the most, and they are also, the countries that i know i will find the most beautiful.
Iceland is another place i have recently become obsessed with since this morning when i saw a blog about it on here, i randomly came across it when i was looking for new blogs to follow and fell head over heels in love with the pictures...So yeah... 
Basically if there is anyone who has been to these countries could you let me know a little about your experiences please :)

A letter home

A little something i wrote though the eyes of a soldier who lost their life in battle....

I was watching over you last night.
I saw that you were crying... that nothing seemed all right.
In your head i felt the hopelessness that was wighing down your soul
All the what if's and maybes, that we'll never get a chance to know.
I desperately wanted to hold you pull you tight in to my arms
Kiss you, tell you that i love you...even though we have to be apart.
Tell my dad that i don't regret it Following in his shoes.
this was my destiny i had nothing less to loose...
I see you you take a sharp breath in and hold it for a while
SILENCE then you break down again all you do is cry
I wish you were able to smile, and be happy for me, i died a hero fighting for my country the best thing that any one could be!
I've thrown away my gun, i'm leaving behind the war, the trouble and the crying, I'm finally free.
You will love it here and when it's your time i'll see you again
But for now i want you to live...remember death is not the end.
Smile, be happy and achieve you goals, never give up, you cannot know what the future holds.
As i leave i slightly brush you on the cheek, your lips begin to smile, and quietly you weep.
Thank you i can feel you, your love is all around.

london riots!

Ok, so this is a blog i was meant to write ages ago and i'm really sorry i never got around to it! I have just been so busy that it's crazy and when i have had the time i have not been in the right place within myself to be able to sit down and write about something the moves me so much.
The first thing i head about the riots in London we as i stepped off the plane landing back in England and my friend text me to say that i should get back on the plane because i would not like what was happening...by the time i got into passport control area i knew that there were fights, i knew there were fires, but nothing prepared my eyes or heart for what i saw on the news screen above me..London...our country was literally a ball of flames...the first feeling a felt was anger, the pure hatred for people who would do something like this and then i cried, i cried like a fucking baby, i hated it because everyone was looking at me...in my heart i couldnt believe that what they were watching on the news did not seem to bother them in the slightest, I even overheard one woman saying to her husband 'well as long as it does not come near us i couldn't care less'
Here's the thing..lives were lost over the time that the riots reigned our streets, building burnt down, people lost their homes, their possessions, their jobs...everything...I simply could not understand what all of this fighting would even solve in the first place...In my eyes, it made everything a millions times worse. People were saying it was because of the recession and how much money the government is taking off of them, but for fucks sake how many millions of pounds in damage did you cause which now has to be cleared up, repaired, or replaced.?
The children growing up now are our future, they are the ones who need to keep this planet going when we are gone...for our children..and our children's children...for our friends, family, and many other generations to come. They are the ones who you will rely upon when you grow old (assuming theyll be a planet left the way you are going), so it's about time to start giving them a chance of a future, otherwise we have no hope. How can it be right to teach them that it is ok to go out and set fire to things? how is it at all ok to teach our children if they want something they can just take it? They need to learn that in life some things are worth fighting for, otherwise they are not going to be getting anywhere.
Then theres not to mention the global warming aswell, the fumes going into the sky, the pollution, and petrol needed to fuel the police cars etc...the water needed for the fires....fresh water that could be going to the more needy...the trees being cut down to create new buildings....its ridiculous...
England you need to sort it out, look what you are doing to our country, you dont realise what youve got till its gone, and once its gone well your pretty much screwed arnt you?

Starting with goodbye

I think that more than anything in this world. letting go, is one of the hardest things to do, in any way, shape or form, in the past two weeks, my whole life has changed..I've changed, I've HAD to change. First of all i left college, being in education had been all ive known, i didn't take a year out at any point and the thought of being without this (ok annoying and frustrating) but secure atmosphere scares the crap out of me. I used to always think, its ok, i can just go to college i dont have to worry about MY future, now it's changing, and its something out of my control. Being out of control is something i hate the most.

I'm learning fast that my destructive relationship with myself is also ruining my relationships i have with others. I know i need to learn to love myself, but at the end of the day, that is simply not going to happen. So therefore, I'm learning from THAT, that i maybe now need to let people go to stop them from getting hurt by me. I hate the thought of me hurting anyone, just as much as i hate the word hate, i just think that word is not worthy of being used about anything that has the potential to be beautiful (thats everything btw)The only thing this world should hate IS hate....It hurts me like fucking crazy because the people i am talking about mean more to me than life itself, but then its better to love something and let it go, than to keep holding on and getting nothing good out of it.

It's the same with my dancing, i think now i need to accept that in the real world away from the security of college, i would epically fail as a dancer, if i'm performing in the west end and refuse to wear a costume because i look to fat it would not go down well at all. I also know, because im not one of these 6ft tall girls who weighs 5 stone i would get told im not the right body shape for a dancer, and considering i already have problems with stuff like that, i dont think its a good idea to go down that road. I want to take my diploma though, and use it to help and change other peoples lives instead, i want to prove to the world that ANYONE can dance, it shouldn't just be about the rich being able to...now ive left college i know i wont be taking dance classes for a long time because i simply just dont have the money, it angers me that dancing is very much about that all the time.

I know i can help people, i really believe that i can help anyone and i don't give a fuck that people may disagree with me, i want to help people so thats all that matters, im learning to do that, and to move on with my life, i have to make sacrifices, i have to say goodbye..yes it will hurt, i will cry...yes sometimes it will break every fibre of my being, but letting go i guess it a part of life....its just learning to let go....just a step at a time letting go.

Everything you love in life is like a bird, it should be free, but if it comes back to you then you know it is yours to keep :)

I'm sitting here getting more and more frustrated with myself.

i hate myself for being so stupid as to climb and fall out a tree. It's not even been a week of not being able to dance and i already want to cry.

I was sitting in my urban class today and i don't think i have ever wanted to do something more than what i wanted to do that class.

There is just something so beautiful about being able to express feelings, thoughts and emotions though a dance piece. It's just so free and open.

Everyday when i watch the news, and read about Japan, all i want to do is dance, and i know that seems like a really stupid reaction, but it helps get everything out, for me anyway.

I was looking and flights yesterday and even the cheapest flight is over £1000 there is no way on earth i can afford that and get there to help.

I wish the world would just dance when they feel pain.... It really can heal...

It's such a better way to do it.... Instead of fighting and inflicting pain.

LOVE TO JAPAN

A little bit of peace...

All i really want is a little bit of world peace..

It's not much to ask really is it...?

Sometimes i am ashamed to live on a planet like this.

I just cannot understand why the world is so full of hatred for other people..?

Why can the world not just live as one.?

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE... thats all i'm sayin really...

And it's all i think about...

It's something i want more than my own life...

urgh, I'm off to hug a tree....