This is letting go....This is trying to move on from someone who means the world to me...It's trying to accept within the deepest parts of my heart where i have you locked away that you don't belong there anymore...I feel like i'm ripping out a part of my own heart by letting you go, but when everyday your presence is making me hurt more and more what am i really supposed to do?
I believe that love is forever, true love is forever, because trust me when i say that i will always be here for you whenever you need me to be, thats something i believe and something i know i will always stick with. This is not about 'un-loving' its about moving on from something that no good is coming out of..a relationship that is destructive (be it as lovers or just friendship)is not good for no-one and it's just best to move on from it.
Don't get me wrong i wish nothing but the best for you, exactly why i am doing this, not just for myself, but for you too, because in both ways it words i can do better than you and you can do better than me, because we are not for eachother and there are people out there who suit better, once you findd them, surround yourself with them instead. There is no way a persons soul can grow when your stuck fast in a relationship thats dragging you down.
This hurts me so please don't think i am going to walk away from this without no tears, because trust me there will be many, and i'm writing this not even knowing if im gonna be able to follow though with it, because i really cannot imagine my life without you, I'm hoping that by writing it down i will be able to see what is best for us both. I think that, this needs to happen, for the both of us...
So...goodbye, I wish you well and that your life is full of beautiful things and you meet people that are perfect for you and make you happy.
I love you, and that i always will do. This is letting go. x
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Saturday, 27 August 2011
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Make it a better place
'I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those, who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return'
I was just listening to the wicked soundtrack, which i do actually one hell of alot...and i got thinking about a friend of mine who i met totally randomly a few years ago.
So this girl, makes the lyrics to this song so significant...Do you know when you meet someone and the instant they look at you, and speak for the first time you KNOW they are going to understand you and you will be friends? Well this is what happened with this girl. The first time i met her i was crying quite abit...well alot. I was thinking about alot of things and my head was away somewhere in the clouds....she came over to me and asked me for a hug, and let me just explain this...i never let people hug me a few years ago...literally wouldnt let anyone touch me, unless i knew them really well, and from that moment i just KNEW i could trust her with my life and my heart. I don't think she even knew i didnt like hugs...i guess she just saw it in my body language that instant pull back, arms crossed, head down thing i done instantly to try and get away from the situation.
I don't know why i decided to write this blog, but i just felt it had to be done, I want the world to know there is such things as angels...because this girl i'm talking about is one of them.
I love how we sat for hours upon hours just talking about our lives and everything that had happened and the crazy thing was, she had gone though everything i went though, and am going though when she was my age if not more than me...out of all the thousands of random people i could have started talking to, it was her!
Ahhh i cannot even think of the words to write what i want to say, it's one of those annoying situations where you know exactly inside your heart but when out, it just gets lost in a total catastrophe of words and sentences all thrown in together. It's hard to explain because normally in a situation like this i could say oh shes one of my best friends, but shes really not...I love her to death and back and would literally take a bullet for her just to see her smile...so it's not that i don't care either because i REALLY do..i think like for good says, she was brought into my life for a reason, and i really think thats the only way i can describe it. Some people a naturally meant to find each other because they are soul mates and destined to either be lovers or best friend.or sometimes both...then you get the other people we meet, than come in and out of your life...and change you in the most tiny but very significant ways, they do not normally stay long, and theres only SO much they can teach you. Well with this girl is constantly changing me still even years later, thats why i feel so blessed to have her, she really has helped me to grow, and i know that right now im in a fucking crazy mood and all over the place but within that i have reached an inner calm which i had never managed to reach before i knew her...It's an amazing feeling having someone you can talk to who you know is not going to blab it to your circle of friends...because they dont know any of them, and of whom actually understand the situation you are going though.
This weekend i got to spend some time with her after what seemed to me to be years...and it's the caring and how happy my heart felt at that moment, I really do think that talking face to face is much better than over a chat, because more feelings and love can go into it...you can see more what is real, and what is not. I felt so amazed that she even wanted to see me, i am actually an epic fail and normally make everything suck..or at least i think so and thats all that matters to me!!!! It just lifted my spirits up so much and made me feel a million times better about myself..i got home that day and just walked around singing the entire day (namely all RENT) but i was singing all day...something i have not done in a really long while!
So yeah i believe in angels and i believe that people come into our lives for a reason, i want for everyone who reads this to say hello to everyone and get to know everyone at every opportunity you get..because you never know who can change you life...if you had told me a few years back i would meet someone who changed me and would even give me a reason to live when i was suicidal, i would have laughed in your face, but now...i believe in the things unseen...the little things that draw people together and help to make them and (hopefully in time) the world a better place.
Thank you for reading.
I was just listening to the wicked soundtrack, which i do actually one hell of alot...and i got thinking about a friend of mine who i met totally randomly a few years ago.
So this girl, makes the lyrics to this song so significant...Do you know when you meet someone and the instant they look at you, and speak for the first time you KNOW they are going to understand you and you will be friends? Well this is what happened with this girl. The first time i met her i was crying quite abit...well alot. I was thinking about alot of things and my head was away somewhere in the clouds....she came over to me and asked me for a hug, and let me just explain this...i never let people hug me a few years ago...literally wouldnt let anyone touch me, unless i knew them really well, and from that moment i just KNEW i could trust her with my life and my heart. I don't think she even knew i didnt like hugs...i guess she just saw it in my body language that instant pull back, arms crossed, head down thing i done instantly to try and get away from the situation.
I don't know why i decided to write this blog, but i just felt it had to be done, I want the world to know there is such things as angels...because this girl i'm talking about is one of them.
I love how we sat for hours upon hours just talking about our lives and everything that had happened and the crazy thing was, she had gone though everything i went though, and am going though when she was my age if not more than me...out of all the thousands of random people i could have started talking to, it was her!
Ahhh i cannot even think of the words to write what i want to say, it's one of those annoying situations where you know exactly inside your heart but when out, it just gets lost in a total catastrophe of words and sentences all thrown in together. It's hard to explain because normally in a situation like this i could say oh shes one of my best friends, but shes really not...I love her to death and back and would literally take a bullet for her just to see her smile...so it's not that i don't care either because i REALLY do..i think like for good says, she was brought into my life for a reason, and i really think thats the only way i can describe it. Some people a naturally meant to find each other because they are soul mates and destined to either be lovers or best friend.or sometimes both...then you get the other people we meet, than come in and out of your life...and change you in the most tiny but very significant ways, they do not normally stay long, and theres only SO much they can teach you. Well with this girl is constantly changing me still even years later, thats why i feel so blessed to have her, she really has helped me to grow, and i know that right now im in a fucking crazy mood and all over the place but within that i have reached an inner calm which i had never managed to reach before i knew her...It's an amazing feeling having someone you can talk to who you know is not going to blab it to your circle of friends...because they dont know any of them, and of whom actually understand the situation you are going though.
This weekend i got to spend some time with her after what seemed to me to be years...and it's the caring and how happy my heart felt at that moment, I really do think that talking face to face is much better than over a chat, because more feelings and love can go into it...you can see more what is real, and what is not. I felt so amazed that she even wanted to see me, i am actually an epic fail and normally make everything suck..or at least i think so and thats all that matters to me!!!! It just lifted my spirits up so much and made me feel a million times better about myself..i got home that day and just walked around singing the entire day (namely all RENT) but i was singing all day...something i have not done in a really long while!
So yeah i believe in angels and i believe that people come into our lives for a reason, i want for everyone who reads this to say hello to everyone and get to know everyone at every opportunity you get..because you never know who can change you life...if you had told me a few years back i would meet someone who changed me and would even give me a reason to live when i was suicidal, i would have laughed in your face, but now...i believe in the things unseen...the little things that draw people together and help to make them and (hopefully in time) the world a better place.
Thank you for reading.
Monday, 20 June 2011
Run away or take a risk?
What do you do when you love someone but are to afraid to tell them?
When there is every chance of something actually happening between you both,you flirt and banter all the time when together... but then at the same time you feel scared because you dont want to loose that friendship? When its someone who is like a brother to you...and you have looked upon them as that way for such a long time...then is it wrong..? is it like dating a member of your family? I don't know.
I want to spend a day with you and sit alone together under the beautiful sun and speak the words my heart so desperately wants to say. When i first met you i didnt look upon you as anything other than a friend or even at that time only as a 'potential' friend. But then i got to know you, and found out what a beautiful person you were inside and out. I confided in you and told you my deepest secrets, you took them with compassion and love unlike anything i have ever seen come from a straight guy before. You broke down the wall around my heart and help me to love again, even if sometimes it had to hurt in the end, you were always there to help comfort me, heal me and help pick me back up again. Your love cured me in ways that i never even thought possible, and i keep wondering all the time if we were together then would i be able to make an even better person of myself?
I adore you, in fact i actually love you with ALL my heart,to have you would be a dream come ture in so many ways just..im so scared to even tell you that, because i dont want to have to deal with the consequences if you do not fell the same way, Im scared i'll fuck it all up like i normally do...
I'm standing now on the edge and i need to decide if i want to run away and be safe or jump and take a risk...and it's the hardest decision ever.
When there is every chance of something actually happening between you both,you flirt and banter all the time when together... but then at the same time you feel scared because you dont want to loose that friendship? When its someone who is like a brother to you...and you have looked upon them as that way for such a long time...then is it wrong..? is it like dating a member of your family? I don't know.
I want to spend a day with you and sit alone together under the beautiful sun and speak the words my heart so desperately wants to say. When i first met you i didnt look upon you as anything other than a friend or even at that time only as a 'potential' friend. But then i got to know you, and found out what a beautiful person you were inside and out. I confided in you and told you my deepest secrets, you took them with compassion and love unlike anything i have ever seen come from a straight guy before. You broke down the wall around my heart and help me to love again, even if sometimes it had to hurt in the end, you were always there to help comfort me, heal me and help pick me back up again. Your love cured me in ways that i never even thought possible, and i keep wondering all the time if we were together then would i be able to make an even better person of myself?
I adore you, in fact i actually love you with ALL my heart,to have you would be a dream come ture in so many ways just..im so scared to even tell you that, because i dont want to have to deal with the consequences if you do not fell the same way, Im scared i'll fuck it all up like i normally do...
I'm standing now on the edge and i need to decide if i want to run away and be safe or jump and take a risk...and it's the hardest decision ever.
Thursday, 3 March 2011
love and hate
Why on earth can people not believe me, I mean i know my vision of myself may be a little bit wrong, but I think i know if someone hates me and does not like me, it's blatantly obvious.
I wish people would believe me and not keep telling me that i am being stupid and saying things that can by no means be true.
I am sick of people saying i am such a loved person, because i really really am not, I'm constantly thinking about how much people hate me and it tires me out and makes me feel awful.
I wish people would understand and see the truth...
i REALLY do.
I wish people would believe me and not keep telling me that i am being stupid and saying things that can by no means be true.
I am sick of people saying i am such a loved person, because i really really am not, I'm constantly thinking about how much people hate me and it tires me out and makes me feel awful.
I wish people would understand and see the truth...
i REALLY do.
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