I'm sitting here getting more and more frustrated with myself.

i hate myself for being so stupid as to climb and fall out a tree. It's not even been a week of not being able to dance and i already want to cry.

I was sitting in my urban class today and i don't think i have ever wanted to do something more than what i wanted to do that class.

There is just something so beautiful about being able to express feelings, thoughts and emotions though a dance piece. It's just so free and open.

Everyday when i watch the news, and read about Japan, all i want to do is dance, and i know that seems like a really stupid reaction, but it helps get everything out, for me anyway.

I was looking and flights yesterday and even the cheapest flight is over £1000 there is no way on earth i can afford that and get there to help.

I wish the world would just dance when they feel pain.... It really can heal...

It's such a better way to do it.... Instead of fighting and inflicting pain.

LOVE TO JAPAN

my daddy up above..

Daddy i don't understand, i am only three, mummy said you went away to join in the army. She said you was a brave man, and that she was so proud, she said you always made a difference and stood out from the crowd.

She said there were some bad men and they had been very bad, made alot of people fight and made them very sad, that daddy was a soldier, and he stood for peace and love, that he had gone to make these bad men, be friends again and hug.

But then one day mummy was crying i asked her what was wrong, she said ' baby daddy is not coming home now' I wondered what i had done wrong.

She said you'd gone to live with the angels, way high up in the sky above, and that i was not to worry you were surrounded with so much love.

I asked mummy if one day, if i could come visit you with the angels and play, but she said that daddy, you were to far away, and i couldn't get there to play not even by a plane.

I cried a little for you but wiped the tears from my eyes, i needed to be strong for mummy, a night i heard her cries.

We miss you daddy, like alot, really alot! I wish you would come home now, i don't like the word 'gone'. Mummy said it was ok, if i wanted to cry, she said that it was normal, but i don't like to cry.

If you could come home now, then we can run and play, mummy would be happy and me too in every way!

But for now i say a prayer for you before i close my eyes.. pray that you are ok, and happy in the sky..

until the day i see you again, i miss you daddy just so much..

I really really love you..my daddy up above...

Ok, so this is pretty crap, but i wrote it just now, i was watch a tv thing about war, and there was this little girl, who was three years old, she lost her dad in the war.just for a second i tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine what it would be like to have and lose someone you love in the army, and i wrote this..

I don't know, i guess that i'm trying to get across the point of what the war and fighting can do to everyone, it really does affect the entire world

give peace and chance

this should not have to happen as often as it does

war is over...but like john lennon said, only if you want it..

PS: The intention of this is to move you, that, is the only way sometimes to get a message across..but you know what...

if this did move you then i want to thank you, you have a heart and a soul, there is hope for this world.

Thinking....

Ok so i figured out, that i really do have some wonderful friendships in my life. and i mean ok, some people really don't give a fuck, and they never will, and as if i will ever be able to do anything about that and change it.. It's not gonna happen.

But those very rare people who i CAN call my real friends, are they, or are they not, the best thing that could ever possibly happen to my life. ?

And you know what i also figured out..?

It's the friends who i don't constantly talk to, and the ones in which i sometimes hardly ever see, that are the most loyal and trustworthy, and there for me when i need them...

It's not the ones that go 'oh your my best friend' even though it's clearly not true...

It's not the ones thats completely ignore me until they want to find something out or get something off me...

It's the ones who remind me, every now and then that they will always be there for me.

It's the ones who sometimes just have to give me a hug or say 'i love you' for me to feel better..

It's the ones that say, i will do everything i can to help and understand you..and not the ones that say 'i totally understand' when they don't.

Sometimes it's the people you have never met in person...but when you do meet, you realise your like twins...so amazingly alike..but so beautifully different at the same time...

I don't want to lose those people, the day they go I'm gone too...but i really should start getting rid of those unhelpful idiots who pull me down the entire time..

Oh well...I'm grateful for who i have, and thats all that matters.. :)