Love is love

Love is love, regardless of race, religion, size, looks, age (within legal restrictions of course) and the main one this blog is aimed at. sex.
There seems to be alot of people in today's world thinking that the only way a relationship is ok between two consenting people is if one partner is female and the other male. Well i'm sorry but this is just utter bullshit and i can tell you now there is going to be alot of language in this so if you dont like it, i'm sorry, don't read it.  So basically this morning i got a message from a good friend of mine on twitter, and no, i dont know him in person but i dont think i need to, i'm there for people regardless of if i know them or not. He's gay, and was kicked out of a club (i'm guessing the other night,)' for kissing his boyfriend...he was in tears..apparently this is not alloud in public...although, walk into any other bar and it's perfectly fine for a girl and guy to practically fuck eachother on the middle of the dance floor. 
I'm just so angry i was doing a whole fb rant, spesh after seeing that the whole gay marriage issue is trending on fb it inspired me to write.Well halfway through a fb rant i realised i would not have room so thats why i came on here. I'm still going to say roughly the same thing...but just more in depth..really from the heart. 
Well like the title reads love is love, and another thing i can tell you without a doubt it is love is all you need, im not putting the idea forward i'm stating it as a fact. Love brings everything good, hate is what does the opposite. So why is it..in a world where we a meant to be fighting so hard for love and peace do people push love away just because its between two people of the same sex. Seriously?. Some people need to learn to be strong and stand up for what is right, What is the worst that can happen if two gay people get together and then maybe even get married? will the world end? no. will you die? no. will pigs fly? maybe, but that would be science.  Just because i am not a lesbian (very tempted to trust me)but just because i'm not...does not mean that i will not stand up for my gay friends and in fact anyone who is being picked on for something that makes them who they are. This is where people need to start learning, because they cant seem to see that people just crave for others to accept them. Trust me there are many guys i wish were not gay, because then i could marry them...they all have incredible hearts, but at the same time, i would not change them for the world, they are beautiful and incredible and i love every single one of them. Some people seem to think that just because they are straight means that they are not aloud to stand up for gay rights...this is wrong and please i am begging you use this to make a change and start now. I don't understand what is so wrong with being gay...i mean how could you turn down Johnny Depp or Ryan Gosling, and for men i guess someone like Megan Fox but at the end of the day. it's life...everyone has a right to be happy, they deserve it.
Words hurt, it took me a year to get my friend to a point where he is 'ok' with telling people his gay...it took constant conversations ending with 'Look i love you and i still will even if you are gay, and so will all of your true friends.' only for all trust to be broken with things a few people saying horrible homophobic words to him...now i feel awful, and all my work is undone, he's right back at square one, he wont even hold his boyfriends hand in public.It makes me really sad, just really sad.
This world needs love to survive, so that means people need to start accepting others as they are...i hope with this blog i make a 'homophobic' person think differently. This needs to change it really does. We need a martin luther king but in the gay world that would be perfect! someone who really changes it, it upsets me that i could never do much about this, because 'i'm not gay i cant speak from experence' just as i would like to do a whole anti racism thing to bring that up to scratch..'but im not black so i cant do that either.' Just please everyone try and understand this blog. Thank you. 
Love is love. love is beautiful, love is true, and it should be aloud regardless of anything anyone may think.  xxxxxx

:most likely to be continued

I want to travel the world

Ok, so tonight i was bored and didnt have a clue what to do with my time, i'm just sitting up in my room, literally with nothing to do and i'm bored as hell. She told me to blog so i guess thats what i'm just gonna do, now as you can see from my previous blog i'm not feeling to great right now, I'm fine, don't get me wrong i mean i have my butterfly there is no choice but to be fine..but i don't know...hmmm 
Well this morning when i woke up i must have spent hours on end writing and drawing in my journal and part of it was i made a list of the countries i want to visit more than anything in this world, and i mean, i want to be able to end my life if i live it long saying i've seen the entire world but if i cant do that then i at least want to get these places in as they are up the top.
So basically the ones that are ticked are the ones that i have already been to and already visited, it gets me super excited to think i still have all of these amazing places to go, and trust me when i say, i will get there and i will visit all of these places even if it takes me forever.
I have this incredible friend called Alice and she is literally my best best friend in the entire planet and thankfully, she has got this crazy travel bug too :) She also is Irish, so that just gives us an excuse to visit there, and we are both OBSESSED with Norway (another thing that should be happening soon, photography week in Norway :)) and of course, the pictures will be on here..i think my blog would be never ending over the time im in Norway, or at least, it would be when i got home for a few weeks. I've got alot of places on that list that also not many people would really consider, like the countries where the whole place is in poverty, but the are the ones that need people to visit the most, and they are also, the countries that i know i will find the most beautiful.
Iceland is another place i have recently become obsessed with since this morning when i saw a blog about it on here, i randomly came across it when i was looking for new blogs to follow and fell head over heels in love with the pictures...So yeah... 
Basically if there is anyone who has been to these countries could you let me know a little about your experiences please :)

Starting with goodbye

I think that more than anything in this world. letting go, is one of the hardest things to do, in any way, shape or form, in the past two weeks, my whole life has changed..I've changed, I've HAD to change. First of all i left college, being in education had been all ive known, i didn't take a year out at any point and the thought of being without this (ok annoying and frustrating) but secure atmosphere scares the crap out of me. I used to always think, its ok, i can just go to college i dont have to worry about MY future, now it's changing, and its something out of my control. Being out of control is something i hate the most.

I'm learning fast that my destructive relationship with myself is also ruining my relationships i have with others. I know i need to learn to love myself, but at the end of the day, that is simply not going to happen. So therefore, I'm learning from THAT, that i maybe now need to let people go to stop them from getting hurt by me. I hate the thought of me hurting anyone, just as much as i hate the word hate, i just think that word is not worthy of being used about anything that has the potential to be beautiful (thats everything btw)The only thing this world should hate IS hate....It hurts me like fucking crazy because the people i am talking about mean more to me than life itself, but then its better to love something and let it go, than to keep holding on and getting nothing good out of it.

It's the same with my dancing, i think now i need to accept that in the real world away from the security of college, i would epically fail as a dancer, if i'm performing in the west end and refuse to wear a costume because i look to fat it would not go down well at all. I also know, because im not one of these 6ft tall girls who weighs 5 stone i would get told im not the right body shape for a dancer, and considering i already have problems with stuff like that, i dont think its a good idea to go down that road. I want to take my diploma though, and use it to help and change other peoples lives instead, i want to prove to the world that ANYONE can dance, it shouldn't just be about the rich being able to...now ive left college i know i wont be taking dance classes for a long time because i simply just dont have the money, it angers me that dancing is very much about that all the time.

I know i can help people, i really believe that i can help anyone and i don't give a fuck that people may disagree with me, i want to help people so thats all that matters, im learning to do that, and to move on with my life, i have to make sacrifices, i have to say goodbye..yes it will hurt, i will cry...yes sometimes it will break every fibre of my being, but letting go i guess it a part of life....its just learning to let go....just a step at a time letting go.

Everything you love in life is like a bird, it should be free, but if it comes back to you then you know it is yours to keep :)

Dancing though life....

I love dancing, dancing is my life.

So why the hell is it that i feel such a failure compared to nearly every other dancer i know. Why do i have to be so crap at something that means so much to me.

Yes ok so i think that dancing isn't always about how well you can dance, but more about your heart and spirit in it, but in the 'real' world is it really seen as that? With people being declined from jobs just because 'they do not look right' or are 'not good enough' really does not help to argue the fact that anyone can dance does it.?

Dance really is something I adore doing, i dance though everything, any emotion or thought or feeling, no matter what is going on inside my head or heart, i just dance because it makes me feel good. But now I'm coming to the end of my three year performing arts course at college, i'm wondering if there really is any point in me carrying on with it. I mean don't get me wrong, i love it with all my heart and everything I have inside, but lets face it, i am no where near as good as these famous dancers that you see on TV and stage nowadays. I just want to be able to dance and feel the music, i love dancing with no previous idea of what im going to do, just dancing as it comes to me, and thats normally the times i dance best. There is so much passion there, in me and in other people, but the small group of people that are deemed good enough..are literally like clones, and i really dont think that dancing should be about that. I'm lucky right now because i get my dance classes free with the course im on, but in general, wherever you go they are really expensive, not to mention the costumes needed aswell. It's just not possible for some people to learn the art of dance and I don't think thats fair.

For the past few years i have done a workshop with a group of young people called the Young Americans, and you know, they inspire me SO much, they never turn anybody down because of their size, looks, or skin colour. I can name so many dancers, who to me are the best dancers on this planet....Jenna..Oh my gosh the most amazing tap dancer i have ever seen in my entire life, i literally could not breathe when she danced. Emma..one of the most amazing ballet dancers i have ever seen in my life, shes just simply amazing..britney..possibly the most awesome urban dancer i have ever met...,mary-jo,judy,sarah,alaina,jess,ashley,...i could literally go on forever, every single one of them to me is perfect, but i know for a FACT because they are all individual and not clones, it would be hard to get places on some dance shows...yes, for sure they will get them, but if they are auditioning for something like swan lake, it will most likley be, the stick thin, tall with endless legs dancer who will get the job, no matter if they are better than her, just becuase they 'suit the character'..my friend went for an audion once and even though she had the most awesome voice ever, they didnt really want to know because she didn't 'look right' for the part. It's just unfair. Dancing should be about freedom and being yourself, it shouldnt be about money..or looks or age or size....If you want to dance,a nd have a passion for it, then shouldnt you be alloud to..? despite what people think of you. When i first started dancing i used to be so free in it..and now even though i do try doing that, i always feel i have to hold back because i'm being judged for what im doing. In a YA workshop i find it so hard just to let go, even though i know they wont be judging me..all because if this stupid fucked up 'image' of what every dancer should be.

It sucks and i hate it. I want to open a CHEAP dance school, where people can just learn the art of dance, without having to worry about costs of classes and uniform, as long as your are comfortable and can dance in it, come in anything. Dance should be about you, the floor and the world...not about what people think,perfection,and clones.

I'm sitting here getting more and more frustrated with myself.

i hate myself for being so stupid as to climb and fall out a tree. It's not even been a week of not being able to dance and i already want to cry.

I was sitting in my urban class today and i don't think i have ever wanted to do something more than what i wanted to do that class.

There is just something so beautiful about being able to express feelings, thoughts and emotions though a dance piece. It's just so free and open.

Everyday when i watch the news, and read about Japan, all i want to do is dance, and i know that seems like a really stupid reaction, but it helps get everything out, for me anyway.

I was looking and flights yesterday and even the cheapest flight is over £1000 there is no way on earth i can afford that and get there to help.

I wish the world would just dance when they feel pain.... It really can heal...

It's such a better way to do it.... Instead of fighting and inflicting pain.

LOVE TO JAPAN

JAPAN NEED US!!! WE ARE AS ONE!!!

Why does the world have to be so awful, and why do some people judge by skin color and image? I overheard someone today saying that this whole thing in Japan is a cry for attention and that they were not going to think about helping because they were not English citizens....' It made me feel literally sick, i have never heard anything so awful, also the face that the chance the are English citizens out there is at least 99.9% or even more.

When will people learn that Japan is a part of us...ok, so we might be totally differ net in image and looks, and language, BUT we are all human beings and live under the same sky.

It shocks me to think that people would look upon other human beings as a inanimate object, with no question for their thoughts or feelings.

I keep on listening to the we are the world version that was created for Haiti, and there is a line 'And now Haiti need us' Well now Japan needs us, and i am sorry if this blog pisses you off where i keep on and on, but at the end of the day, just don't read it. If i know this blog gives even ONE person a different view, and helps them to see the world AS ONE. Then what i am writing right now will be worth it.

My heart is still breaking everytime i hear about it on the news or read about it, I think about the group of amazing people called the Young Americans that are out there at the moment, and it makes me smile and gives me just a little hope, that they are singing and dancing though this tragedy...after all music is a language we can all speak, and it's a wonderful way to help take peoples minds off what is going on in their beautiful country.

It's sad, because Japan really is beautiful, and now its just looks like a bombsite, i wish to go out there and help in anyway i can, it makes my heart happy to know there are hundreds of others out there who feel the same way, WE CAN bring Japan back to what it was like, with love strength and courage, and that will also be what gets the world though this tragedy.

COME ON WORLD! x

Home is where the heart is

I think it's stupid, that your home has to be where you are born.

I mean, is home not a place where you are meant to feel most at home and most happy?

A place where you can feel safe and content. The place you heart is.

So does that mean that literally anywhere can be our home, as long as we are happy there.

And anyway, are we not all living under the same sky.? Does that not make us the same?

'Home is where the heart is'

I'm sick of people telling me 'Your already home' when i say i miss my home (Germany). Because i generally love that place more than anywhere else in the entire world, and i know when i have everything sorted and under control, i want to move out there, it's amazing and just so beautiful.

The people, the ground, the grass, i love everything, theres this thing in Germany, that i love called respect, something that England seems to lack quite greatly in more than one area. The place is just so clean.

It gives me hope there, and moves me to tears, how a total stranger will get off the bus to help someone else on, in England people just sit and watch and don't think to help.

I don't need for the sunshine to be beating down to be happy in that place, rain or shine, even in snow, nothing can take away my deep love and affection for that wonderful country.

I miss it.

I miss Germany

I miss my home

Thinking....

Ok so i figured out, that i really do have some wonderful friendships in my life. and i mean ok, some people really don't give a fuck, and they never will, and as if i will ever be able to do anything about that and change it.. It's not gonna happen.

But those very rare people who i CAN call my real friends, are they, or are they not, the best thing that could ever possibly happen to my life. ?

And you know what i also figured out..?

It's the friends who i don't constantly talk to, and the ones in which i sometimes hardly ever see, that are the most loyal and trustworthy, and there for me when i need them...

It's not the ones that go 'oh your my best friend' even though it's clearly not true...

It's not the ones thats completely ignore me until they want to find something out or get something off me...

It's the ones who remind me, every now and then that they will always be there for me.

It's the ones who sometimes just have to give me a hug or say 'i love you' for me to feel better..

It's the ones that say, i will do everything i can to help and understand you..and not the ones that say 'i totally understand' when they don't.

Sometimes it's the people you have never met in person...but when you do meet, you realise your like twins...so amazingly alike..but so beautifully different at the same time...

I don't want to lose those people, the day they go I'm gone too...but i really should start getting rid of those unhelpful idiots who pull me down the entire time..

Oh well...I'm grateful for who i have, and thats all that matters.. :)

wondering...

I hate feeling like this.
That feeling I've done something wrong, and even worse the feeling that your lying to me when i ask if your ok.
We used to be best friends, more like sisters, even twins...
and now...well everything has changed...
I can't talk to you like I used to, it hurts like hell, you were one of the people i was closest too, i mean, i could always be myself around you, i never had to hide who i was or pretend to be a different person to what i really am.
Maybe i am being paranoid i don't know, maybe i am being really stupid but i really have this feeling that what i think is true, is true.
I wish i knew what happened and what made everything change so suddenly. i sometimes wish i had not come to visit you the last time, because sincce then, everything has become fucked up.
Oh i don'tknow...i wish things were differnet..
and maybe just maybe, i wish i was not so paranoid!

Friday dancing ♥

I wish i could be more confident in myself.
I wish that i could walk into a class and be able to perform or do whateverto my hearts content without worrying about what people think of me.
I hate myself for it and hate is such a strong word i know but when want so much for the world, but cannot bring myself to do it..
I struggle to accept who i am.

Today in my urban dance class we were dancing 'locking' which is a form of urban dance. I really more than anything wanted to jump in with both feet and my heart and dance till i couldn't dance no more.
Something was stopping me though, there was a constant voice in my head saying i looked stupid and could not dance this style of dance. and no matter how much my teacher told me i was doing it fine, i just could not believe her. I felt stupid.

Why can i not just take my way of thinking about others and use it to believe in myself to...
urgh.

Imagine & Let it be

Today i was again listening to music (as always) and yet again listened to the songs Imagine and Let it be.

It got me thinking of an idea. That maybe i should combine both the songs, into a lyrical based number. The songs, well, they have such a deep meaning for me, they mean so so much, and i wanted to share that with the world but really didn't know how. Which is how the idea came into my mind.

I love dance, more than almost anything in this entire universe, and more than just dance, i love to dance to a song that has meaning, and i love dancing freely, being able to express myself however i want to though the music and the lyrics.

So that's my plan for the next few weeks...

I LOVE to dance i really really do, and I'm proud to be a 'dreamer'. So what better way to show the world than combining them together?

A precious young soul ♥

I just watched a video of a young girl aged nine, performing a lyrical dance to 'Let it be'.

Such a small person, yet so much passion, so much hope, so many dreams for herself, and for this planet we live on.

I wanted to write this blog because that is the one little thing that made my day, It made me feel such a array of different emotions.

HAPPY

SAD

THOUGHTFUL

INSPIRED

HOPEFUL

TOUCHED

BLESSED

THANKFUL

I shed a few tears, by a few i mean alot. I have never before seen a girl THIS young be such a good model to other people, even those much older than her!

She is a great credit to this earth and to this planet and we should feel blessed to have her and people like her in it..

It gives me hope that there will be a future for the children that there will be a light amougst the darkness.

This one, young small soul has provesd that to me.

If only the whole world would think the same way as this young heart. The world really would be SO AMAZING.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but i am definatly not the only one

Blessed so so so blessed......

Little Girl

Little girl

I see who you are

You put on a smile

But your falling apart

I wish i could hold you

And help you to stand

But you just run away

As fast as you can

Into the abyss

Of another far off world..

Your dying slowly

Little Girl

I hope one day you'll wake up

And see the true beauty

of your heart, of your spirit and soul.

That you step out of your own world...

Where your alone ,afraid and so cold.

Little girl

I wish you could see

Little Girl

The one who is me.

Come walk with me

I want you to come and take a walk with me, walk this planet earth, and appreciate the beauty in the little things you would normally never notice.
I want you to see the trees breathing, in and out, in and out. I want you to see the life that they bring to us...for without them, the human race would not exsist. Give them a hug, thank them for this life and for allowing us to breathe.
Walk barefoot though the grass, feel it between your toes and underneath the soles of your feet, this is our world, our home, a beautiful place.
Notice the animals going about their lives all around you, and at the same time , notice the people.
Give the the poor, help each other out, we are all living under the same sky and deserve to be equal, the things that you do in your life time, well they really can be insignificant sometimes, but remember as Ghandi once said, it is ALWAYS important that we do them.
Throw a penny coin into the fountain and make a wish, take a chance, you will never know what could be if you do not try. Anything is possible, any dream thats dreamed can come true, it just takes a lot of hard work, courage and determination. Sometimes you will go back two steps, but then walk forward a hundred. Keep pushing and striving for the dream for you can only fail if you do not try.
Stand on the edge of infinity and look out with pride, what is out there, well thats you choice, so choose to make it something amazing, something beyond what you could ever imagine. The sky is not the limit, as there are footprints on the moon.
Come take a walk with me

I want you to let it be

&& When the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on till tomorrow let it be...

If it was possible to play a song to much, then in the past few days i have certainly over played this song! To write a blog about it was something i have been debating, but i decided i should do it. What do i have to lose?
Sometimes, and now even more than ever, i have had trouble acccepting things., maybe it rained on a day i was going to be going outside, or i would hurt my leg and not be able to go to the stables or dance, when i wanted to do that more than anything at that particuar moment in time...or maybe i lost someone...death is such a complicated thing to understand when it happens to someone you love.
But the title of the song caputred my heart and i decided if anything would inspire me to change it would be this song...the constant repeat of 'let it be' echoed in my mind long after i had played the song...

'LET IT BE'

What could that mean?

Well to me it meant life..simply life.. Your destiny, as much as you can change it, can not be controlled, things happen, sometimes things that are not that good...but you really do have to let it be. At the end of the day, it is most likley that you have gained something from this experence. speaking words of wisdom. You really do learn from everything that happens in life, even the most insignificant of things.
Let it be is such a precious song, 'there will be an answer'...so i try not to give up hope...let it be and you will find an answer...
THERE WILL BE AN ANSWER LET IT BE..
I hold on to that and just live for the moment...tomorrow is another day...why worry about it now...
Trying.
Hoping.
Letting it be.