I really do think to much...

I actually cannot understand why life is a pig sometimes..

Why when something goes wrong does everything have to go wrong at the same time...

Because even though what you go through, no matter how hard it is makes you stronger.

I actually begin to wonder sometimes if i am going to get through it and learn anything from the experience

I miss my sisters, and ok by that not 'blood' related, but i miss being around the people who make me feel so complete, the people who actually make me practice what i preach on myself, who make me actually think about myself as a person and not just a waste of space, whilst constantly looking out for the rest of the world.

They always bring me a step closer to being 'ok' with myself, but then for every step i go forward, i usually take 50 steps back and it goes on like that for what seems like forever.

I really do think sometimes that life would be better for everyone if i was just dead, i mean, life is such a beautiful and amazing thing, a gift bigger than anything else you could ever possibly wish for, but then, despite knowing this, i still get ungrateful and do thank god enough for simply 'being'...but then there are the people who are dying, dying young and even old...who appreciate life, in the way i wish i could..surely, surely they deserve to live more than me, I don't know why the circle of life has to work in such complicated and unfair ways, but it does.

I really hope one day that i can just open my eyes and be grateful to live on such a wonderful planet, to be able to feel the grass and land beneath my feet, to feel the wind in my hair, to see the trees breathing life to the world. Because i see the beauty i really really do, and it makes me want to cry because its so beautiful...but i still wish sometimes, i was anywhere but here...

Sometimes when i see the fighting on the TV and the wars, and the people chopping down their life support machines (trees)..it makes me more than ever want to be somewhere else, the world is just so full of hatred, and i'm worried that one day, it's going to increase to such a level that means it overshadows the beauty.

On the news just now five coffins were brought home from war, thats five people gone forever, and many lives and families shattered...it's not fair.. but proves my point exactly...

Oh someone help sort out my brain....i don't know what to do anymore......