I'm sitting here getting more and more frustrated with myself.

i hate myself for being so stupid as to climb and fall out a tree. It's not even been a week of not being able to dance and i already want to cry.

I was sitting in my urban class today and i don't think i have ever wanted to do something more than what i wanted to do that class.

There is just something so beautiful about being able to express feelings, thoughts and emotions though a dance piece. It's just so free and open.

Everyday when i watch the news, and read about Japan, all i want to do is dance, and i know that seems like a really stupid reaction, but it helps get everything out, for me anyway.

I was looking and flights yesterday and even the cheapest flight is over £1000 there is no way on earth i can afford that and get there to help.

I wish the world would just dance when they feel pain.... It really can heal...

It's such a better way to do it.... Instead of fighting and inflicting pain.

LOVE TO JAPAN

Thinking....

Ok so i figured out, that i really do have some wonderful friendships in my life. and i mean ok, some people really don't give a fuck, and they never will, and as if i will ever be able to do anything about that and change it.. It's not gonna happen.

But those very rare people who i CAN call my real friends, are they, or are they not, the best thing that could ever possibly happen to my life. ?

And you know what i also figured out..?

It's the friends who i don't constantly talk to, and the ones in which i sometimes hardly ever see, that are the most loyal and trustworthy, and there for me when i need them...

It's not the ones that go 'oh your my best friend' even though it's clearly not true...

It's not the ones thats completely ignore me until they want to find something out or get something off me...

It's the ones who remind me, every now and then that they will always be there for me.

It's the ones who sometimes just have to give me a hug or say 'i love you' for me to feel better..

It's the ones that say, i will do everything i can to help and understand you..and not the ones that say 'i totally understand' when they don't.

Sometimes it's the people you have never met in person...but when you do meet, you realise your like twins...so amazingly alike..but so beautifully different at the same time...

I don't want to lose those people, the day they go I'm gone too...but i really should start getting rid of those unhelpful idiots who pull me down the entire time..

Oh well...I'm grateful for who i have, and thats all that matters.. :)

There is always hope

I have a poster next to my bed. My friend sent it to me for Christmas..

It's a photo of a girl holding a heart balloon...and behind her lie the words

'THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE'

It gives me hope..always...theres always a little part of me, no matter how bad life gets, that holds on to meaning and significance of the words on this poster...

It gives me a little room to breathe when i feel like i'm being crushed under all the stuff thats going on in my life...HOPE....I love that word don't you? There's so much beauty inside a word which PROVES beyond a doubt, that no matter what, things will be ok...and you know what..i think...they really will..because i do have hope...

I'm not that stupid and i know, i know that everything will not happen overnight..one step at a time is all it really is if you think about it. Don't be a quitter..quitters get nowhere, and please don't be afraid of failure..you only fail when you don't try...and remember whenever you think it's hopeless to even bother trying...

THAT THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE...

There really is a point in everything, no matter how insignificant...

I once read a story about a young girl who committed suicide..her note read..

'I'm going to jump off the bridge..i can't this anymore, but, if just one person smiles at me as i'm walking there, then i will turn around and come home, get help and live again...'

She ended up jumping...ok so i know thats not a good thing to put here...but...think about it...she only wanted a smile...JUST ONE SMILE...so smile at a stranger...yes it may seem insignificant but look at the difference it made...she gave up on hope...and one person just ONE person could have made that change...to think she even got to the stage where she felt there was no hope breaks my heart

HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE

Have it for yourself and in return others will have it too....If you see someone falling apart and crying don't walk past, ask them if there is anyway you can help...

Tell them to listen to their heart..and hope is whispering...keep trying...

Missing....

I hate that feeling when you miss someone...

The feeling when, you feel there is no where you would rather be than with that person.

A person who helped shape who you are today, who guided your way so often when your world was full of darkness..

A person who is like a mother, sister and friend all in one.

And the beauty of it is..you know for a fact that are like that with EVERYONE else too...

You know their heart, and the full beauty and truth within it.

It hurts you own heart, in knowing you are thousands of miles away from them, and most likely will be for a long time to come..maybe even for the rest of the time you are living..

They are amazing,simply amazing,the kind of person of whom make you believe in the presence of angels...i think, i can honestly say, there is only three people i can think of...who are too good to be human...

I wish more than ever i could be near this person, and just to hear the beautiful voice and words of wisdom.....and to see them smile...and get a whole room full of smiles in return...to see them dance...with such conviction and such PASSION...it makes you believe that dance really is the cure to everything.

I wish i wish i wish..and i wish there were more people in the world like her..it really would be a better place..

A Sarah make they whole world smile and have passion leader...and a Roshni world peace and inspiration leader and maybe a little Wiana helping Roshni with her own added dose of total CRAZYNESSS.... hmmm that seems a perfect world to me... as long as there were horses..

But right now...i miss Sarah more than anything else, more than i have missed someone in a long long while. I miss how when she is in the room, the whole atmosphere changes, its just so much lighter and brighter..

I love her to the end of the earth...I AM SO SO SO SO SO LUCKY TO HAVE HAD HER IN MY LIFE.....

although it sucks..that i'm too scared to send it to the person it's about...

x