Young Americans Fall cast Germany 2011

Right so this blog, i dont think i am even going to be able to START and say how amazing, how simply amazing these last few days have been and how much i have enjoyed myself! So i first walked into this workshop practically shaking because i was so nervous, i literally did not know what was coming, if i would understand any of it, and if i was going to enjoy myself or not.
Well the first thing i realised when i walked though the door was that this cast was differnet, very very differnet from any of the casts i had ever met before when i had taken workshops in England, i saw it in them all, i saw it in ALL their eyes..i saw their hearts and that was just amazing, to be able and sit opposite 40 or so Young Americans, whom are all so amazing and so beautiful. When i learnt the first dance i worked with this AMAZING YA called Joanna and i actuallz have never picked up a dance as easy as i did that one, i think that, in my heart i felt comfortable with her, and with dancing in front of her like i did, and then when it came to dancing altogether and i was encouraged to be up the front and i practically crapped myself. I was worried about what people were thinking of me amd what were saying, and how bad i was dancing...how fat and ugly i looked, the list was endless...it stopped me enjoying myself 100%..it honestly did.
OH MY GOD the next part of workshop1 OH MY GOD OH MY GOD the next thing we learnt was choral ad oh wow there was this YA called Chanele  who was actually from Ireland but anywho...we managed to bond over the fact the we both buy mens clothes and cut them up to make them our own...literally i cant believe how awesome she is she made me laugh so much over the past three days...haha oman, we were learning this number called happiness which i think was in the second day, and this crazy YA was acting crazy at the front and fell backwards over a speaker,,well, Chanele and I thought that was hilerious, i was just about calming down, just about stopped laughing and she started again and set me off, thenn vise verse...i actually LOVE HER she is tzhis crazy ball of energy and happiness...she lit up my life from the very second she walked into it. I am so happy i got to spend time with her, and i have a very large feeling that after workshops end we wont see eachother again but i know im gonna do nothing but look back in years to come and laugh about the memories i have with her... :)
After we had a break we then learnt a dance based on Americas next top modall. a dance which i did not feel comfortable doing so i decided to not do and just sit and watch...i think that, if anything that remians the one bit of workshop i will struggle with now...for as many times that i do that in the future...but, it was because of me being a total idiot during this song that i got to meet a YA called Megan because she saw me trying to hide and just spoke to me, she made me realise so many differnet things about myself that i had not though about before...and oh my gosh i am enternally grateful for that. She was the start of the entire thingthat went on in this workshop that changed me forever.
Ok so i have more....this is gonna take forever im not even done with day one yet! So there is this part of workshop which up until THIS workshop i hated...literally hated with every part of myself  and that was when we had to sing on our own..we would sit in a group stand up one at a time and sing..this part...literally no lie made me feel sick to the stomach with fear, which was actually pretty retarded and pretty dumb thinking about it now but it held me back in every workshop i had ever done... So after alot of pushing from this amaying and verz beautiful YA called Chantelle i sung one line of let it be....and this next part part is the part of the workshop oh my gosh...so after i sung this YA called Angel, who actually lives up to her name, she came took me on my own said i sung beautifully and that she didnt know why i was always hating myself etc....and it was the talk with her...and then with this YA who came over called Micheal that made me realise how much i needed to change, when i came into the workshop the nbext day i literally had that thought inside my head that i did not give a crap what people thought of me, and i did not care about ANYTHING at all that had happened in the past, i only cared about the present and what was going on in my future......
I felt so much different and i enjoyed workshop so much more that its actually unreal, and when we learnt the rest of the show i just gave it my all, i dodnt care if i looked like a total fool, i just had fun, AH OH MY GOSH, when we were learning happiness two of the YA guys were acting the total fool and pretending to speak into bannanna and i think it was Curtis but i honestly dont know, he sdtepped back and fell backwards over a speaker that he didnt see was there, well it took all my effort not to fall on the floor with laughter, it was possibly one of the funniest things i have ever seen in my life, and having Chanele next to me who found it equally funny certainly did not help one little bit...the more i tried to stop laughing, the more i laughed, which is a actually really stupid because it was not THAT funny.
Now Lion King, remember all the blogs i had written about Lion king over the üpast few months, and that blog about a dance called shadowlands well i got to that once again and i actually feel i was blerssed to get to do that because i really thought that i would not get the chance and even when i did get the chance i was so close to giving it away, thinking that i already knew and had gotten enough from that dance, but i really was wrong..I danced centre sticks this time, and how i managed to get that is BEYOND me because the guy who picke3d me, well i had never spoken to him before then, i guess this is the thing the YA are here for though..that dance...well it made me even stronger, i will get the video on you tube asap and then post the link on here so you can all check it out because it really is worth taking the time to watch....i danced proper full out for the ENTIRE thing, even if i did look liek a prat ahahahah :)  
So somthing that my wonderful friend Nadine decided to do to give as a gift back to the YA was to sing them a song and we sung youve got a fruiend,well i got up and sung with just one other girl as a duet..i made one of the YA really cry, just because she knew me, and knew before that workshop i would never have done that, she also knew it was BECAUSE  OF HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE THAT I WAS DOING THAT. I am so happy i got to meet her, she knows who she is, and i dont know if im gonna send her the link for this yet, maybe, maybe not....but i was so blessed to have had her in my life for the three short days that i did :)
After if we hold on together, i was crying like a total baby (thats the shows finale) and this wonderful American called Loiva came over to me, took my hand and slipped one of her braclets around my wrist which nearly made me cry, and said whenever you are sad look at the this and remember that you are loved....i gave her one of the rings i was wearing the one that for me represented balalnce in life, because that braclet would have given me that now :)  I want5ed to give something back.  Thebn i had so many kids coming over asking me to sgn shirts and have photos with thema nd you know what it was just so beautiful because these kids, had never met me before, but they thought i was a YA bewcause of how id danced and even when i told them i was not a YA they said they did not care and that they still wanted photos and their shirt signed :)  agghhhh i love kids so much.
So that was OFFICALLY the end of the best workshop i have ever done, but im doing another one soon so most likley there will be another blog llike this haha :)
Love to all my followers in Germany right now the sun is shining i hope that is shining upon all your hearts and making you smile whereever in the world you are :) 

Germany Day Three

So today was the only day i was dreading in Germany, and the only day we already had plans for so we couldnt do anything else. Months and months back the Young Americans said they were going to be doing a dinner theatre in Germany, and at the time i was a little excited, i mean that i had always wanted to see the show in Michigan but never had the time nor money to get over there, nor would i survive the flight without freaking out, so this, then, seemed a good opportunity, so many of my friends were asking if i wanted to go with them. Then something happened a little before i was going but by then i already had my ticket which was 69 euros, plus my entire host family's tickets...it was alot of money to just throw away because i didnt want to go, i coundlt do that to my host family and quite honestly i didnt even get the guts to bring it up till the night before where i was panicking so much i didnt have a choice but to come clean!

ANYWAY, the dinner theatre was in this beautiful town called Bad Karlshafen, which i have always wanted to visit, so that made me excited a little. i had a friend there who i would be seeing at dinner theatre, so the whole idea of this made me happy, We spent the day looking around the Town and taking pictures, we were at one point going to swimming but thanks to my wonderful hair still turning bright orange and leaving bright orange streaks everywhere when wet, we decided against that! When it came to getting ready for dinner theatre we popped into the toilets of the spa, to get dressed then headed back out into the parking lot like idiots to get our make up done :) My host family went camping alot so they had a huge camping mirror in the back of their car, thank god! because i think that otherwise i would have literally died! Half hour later my make up was on and i was in a bad mood because i was having a really ugly day and looked uglier than ever, so i decided that i would just breathe, and get my hair done...my hair is naturally curly so i brought some moose with me, a little of that and bang my hair is up, only it was actually hairspray, and i didnt have time to wet my hair and dry it...so i got my straightens out and went to head back into the spa and beg them if i could use them to re go over my hair because it was looking awful and i couldn't curl it, then i realised that i didnt have adapter plug and literally burst into tears, i took this as a sign that the rest of the day was going to go just as bad...

When we walked into the dinner theatre however the whole atmosphere totally made me feel better, this wonderful guy called Sam came over and asked me if i wanted a drink, after he handed me the menu i realised how scared i actually still was because i was shaking so hard, i said 'oh just get me champagne' not realising that i would actually not be able to hold that i was shaking so much, even though my fam thought it was funny..!!! A friend of mine/aquatince whatever, then came over to me, and for the first part that was sufficiently awkward because i didnt exatly know what to do.. (i get like such a klutz in some situations) and i previously thought they had not wanted me there so it was hard for me, but i think after a few glasses of chamange i was ok again :) I was still shaking so hard when i went outside to smoke, still a little scared and realised just how many cigarettes i had got though in that day, i felt awful it was a crazy amount and not like me at all, ever!!! I guess its because i was always trying to have a cigarette in my hand so i didn't have to go inside. I'm happy i finally calmed down though, because the show was fucking amazing, and defiantly worth every single penny (or cent in the case) that i payed for it. I could have literally gone back every night and seen it over and over again and I dont think i would have got bored of it at all. I would recommend the show to anyone even if you are not into the performing arts because you would actually love it! I felt blessed by the end of the night, but tired, and i think because of how stressful the whole day had been, i got a huge headache....i slept in the car the entire way home (with a pit stop the throw up (classy) ) then got into bed and slept again, but it was a wonderful day...my host family said we are 100% going to do the same next year so another blog to come in a year or so!!!! :)

Maddy's birthday!!! xxxxxxx

So yesterday evening, i went to a party for my beautiful friend Maddy's 17th, I was having a really shit day and was seriously thinking about not going and just staying home, the idea of being in a crowd of people made me feel ill..but i swallowed my pride and went, and i am so glad that i did because i had a wonderful time, and that was without drinking, I'm actually proud of myself for that..ok i couldn't stay for the entire party because that would have been too much for me...but since recently, being able to be out from 8-10:30 is a very very good step for me..!

I am so happy that i got to see my beautiful Charlotte again because i have not see her in so long now that it is actually crazy! (Only since april but for me that is a reallllyy long time).. Maddie had this door of her house where people were alloud to write notes for her birthday, and after half hour of so, Charlottle and I, along with this awesome guy called Nick who we had only met that night decided to go out and write stuff on this door for her, however Nick instead decided to write this crazy note making ridiculous suggestions about Charlotte and I, then promptly sticking it to the wall with this huge smile on his face... so I, in turn done exactly the same back to him, this must have gone on for a good hour or so, the paper gradually starting to cover the wall of Maddy's stairs hahahah :) But oh it was a good time...wonderful funny times, poor Maddy when she came and saw that...! :) although she found it funny. I must also say that all of Maddy's friends are totally awesome!!! I've not really met a group of people like that, where i have felt like i fitted in right away with everyone..By the time i was getting ready to go home it seemed that SO MANY people were drunk and i just could not stop laughing, music was playing, people were dancing and everyone was just going INSANE...i finally for half hour or so really really managed to let go and just dance, something that at a party i need to be drunk to do!! It really was an awesome night, i got to meet some great new people and catch up with old friends whom i havn't spoken to in a while..

Thank you so much for inviting me Maddy! Love you very much xxxxxx

Starting with goodbye

I think that more than anything in this world. letting go, is one of the hardest things to do, in any way, shape or form, in the past two weeks, my whole life has changed..I've changed, I've HAD to change. First of all i left college, being in education had been all ive known, i didn't take a year out at any point and the thought of being without this (ok annoying and frustrating) but secure atmosphere scares the crap out of me. I used to always think, its ok, i can just go to college i dont have to worry about MY future, now it's changing, and its something out of my control. Being out of control is something i hate the most.

I'm learning fast that my destructive relationship with myself is also ruining my relationships i have with others. I know i need to learn to love myself, but at the end of the day, that is simply not going to happen. So therefore, I'm learning from THAT, that i maybe now need to let people go to stop them from getting hurt by me. I hate the thought of me hurting anyone, just as much as i hate the word hate, i just think that word is not worthy of being used about anything that has the potential to be beautiful (thats everything btw)The only thing this world should hate IS hate....It hurts me like fucking crazy because the people i am talking about mean more to me than life itself, but then its better to love something and let it go, than to keep holding on and getting nothing good out of it.

It's the same with my dancing, i think now i need to accept that in the real world away from the security of college, i would epically fail as a dancer, if i'm performing in the west end and refuse to wear a costume because i look to fat it would not go down well at all. I also know, because im not one of these 6ft tall girls who weighs 5 stone i would get told im not the right body shape for a dancer, and considering i already have problems with stuff like that, i dont think its a good idea to go down that road. I want to take my diploma though, and use it to help and change other peoples lives instead, i want to prove to the world that ANYONE can dance, it shouldn't just be about the rich being able to...now ive left college i know i wont be taking dance classes for a long time because i simply just dont have the money, it angers me that dancing is very much about that all the time.

I know i can help people, i really believe that i can help anyone and i don't give a fuck that people may disagree with me, i want to help people so thats all that matters, im learning to do that, and to move on with my life, i have to make sacrifices, i have to say goodbye..yes it will hurt, i will cry...yes sometimes it will break every fibre of my being, but letting go i guess it a part of life....its just learning to let go....just a step at a time letting go.

Everything you love in life is like a bird, it should be free, but if it comes back to you then you know it is yours to keep :)

Horizons Performance Company

Ok so i was just looking at my blog and realised the last time i actually updated this thing was nearly a month ago, sooo therefore im gonna do it now..:)
The past month has actually been totally crazy, I've just this second finished college, (yesterday evening i got to perform in my last show) and the weeks building up to it have literally killed me, in a way, yes i admit that i am happy that its all over, but i know that, thats only because of everything that is going on in my personal life right now, and college really did stress me out like crazy. Then in another way, I'm actually totally gutted, i got home and cried for ages yesterday, some of the friends i made there, have become some of my best friends, i don't know exactly how im supposed to survive as of this fall with not seeing them everyday and most of them going off to uni, which is so far away and i will most likley not see any of them again. Also the fact i now really do have to grow up, i seriously need to think about my future and what exactly i am going to do with it..all i have done for the past three years, is danced, performed and singed my way though everything and now thats gone.
Words cannot even begin to describe the huge part of me thats sad, the bit that crushes the relief of leaving in one easy punch. What hurts more is knowing that im not gonna be able to dance like that again ever, its simply too expensive to carry on that amount of dance classes outside,,,
Moving on and goodbyes really do hurt like a bitch.
Horizons Performance Comapny, you have given me so much, and it pisses me off that i could not have given more in the final year, i hate my self for it.. I shall back upon my time here with pride and with a smile upon my face.
2008 -2011 'Keep on thinking that it's not goodbye, keep on thinking its a time to fly'

Heart from Japan

I just sent a link to one of the YA i met last week, and i realised in doing so that i should actually write a blog about them because they really have changed my life quite greatly. On the second day of the workshop i met a beautiful young woman from Japan called Arisa, we were doing a lyrical dance part of the workshop, and watching her dance literally moved me to tears, i couldn't breathe, in her dancing i could see the passion and hope that she had for her country. This was the only part of the workshop this year that i really did let go in after a little bit of pushing on Arisa's part.

We sat and talked for abit about everything and about her homeland and how beautiful it was, she saw my pray for japan band around my wrist, and as she touched it and said, 'oh my gosh' i instantly felt connected to her.

She was an amazing dancer and i was so lucky to have got the chance to meet such a beautiful soul, more than anything i have just wanted to find a random Japanese person and hug them, and with her i got to do just that.

I don't even talk to her now, but I still think about her and her country every day, and its making me cry writing this, because i really did hold back so much and not enjoy the workshop like i could have done, which means i didnt get to show her my complete 'true self'...i hate myself for that more and more each day, and what i hate more is the fact i will not do another workshop again..even after meeting people like this.

The Young Americans, really are a wonderful group of people, but there is always one or two on a tour that touch my heart in a way no other could. Yes, there were some amazing people on this tour but none like Arisa.

The end of my Young American stories.

KEEP ON PRAYING FOR JAPAN

next week.

Next week i am doing another YA workshop, and the crazy thing is, i feel totally different this time around to what i felt every other year. Normally i look forward to it and get so excited, i cannot even sleep. But this year i am actually scared, and still even now, not sure if i want to even do the w/s. I actually don't really know why i am feeling that way, i mean, the Young Americans are possibly some of the most amazing, fantastic people i have ever met in my life, I don't know why, suddenly this year everything has to change, my heart is in performing still, and i still am happy when i am showing the world the beauty of music and dance. But instead of being excited i am scared, nervous, and kinda wishing this week coming would go away. I'm constantly getting paranoid about things and keep thinking that nothing good can come out of me meeting these people, and they will end up hating me. I have never had this problem before at all, simply because the YA never ever judge you for who you are, they see everyone as an equal. I'm scared this year though, really scared, and no-one seems to understand me and why i feel that way. i wish they would because it would be so much easier to do. I thank god i have a friend staying at my house that week who is coming to the w/s with me, because otherwise i really don't think i would bother, and that would make my mum mad because she has already paid the £75 for me to do the workshop and show! Ah man, i really hate these confused feelings, why be scared of such an amazing, life changing group of people...? There are some people on this tour i have met before, and they are all so amazing, jenna, best tap dancer i have met in my life,and fern, well she inspires me all the time with her singer songwriter skills, when ever i feel there is no point anymore, i think of her and how amazing she is, and that one day if i work hard enough i might be as good as that. :) to be continued.

Daisy O'brien

I have this friend, and i really feel the need to write a blog about them, i don't know if i am going to show them yet it might seem creepy. We are not that close at all, as in not best friends, and hardly ever see eachother, in fact if it wasn't for the workshops we do i would not see her at all. Daisy, she is..the most talented and beautiful individual i have ever met, she has this huge heart and her passion for what she is doing and her dance just shouts out to the entire room whenever she is in it. We have so much in common and she tends to understand me where others don't. I don't really think that she realises just how amazing she is and how talented she is. I know that recently she has been doubting herself alot, in her dancing, and i just think she is simply amazing, she could be the best YA there is, ive never seen someone have so much power to move people when they dance, her eyes, her heart everything. Today i was talking to her and i asked if she would show me her dance that she has made and when she told me of course i literally cried with happiness. I cannot wait! I wish people could get to know this girl, because she really is amazing, i don't think i really know anyone who does not like her, i am so grateful to have met her and have her in my life :)

So you think you can dance.....

Okay see this is the thing i am talking about when it comes to equal opportunities for dancers all over. I am currently sitting downstairs on the sofa and my mum is watching 'So you think you can dance.' This amazing dancer came on my screen and introduced herself as Kaite, she told the judge panel she would be doing contemporary and oh my gosh, she literally reduced me to tears...she was that amazing, she got though, and don't get me wrong, she totally deserved it...there were many other dancers in her position aswell, they were amazing, they had it ALL there, they deserved to get though!. Then there were the other dancers who back up my argument. A young man came on the screen and introduced himself, he had the most beautiful and most touching heart, so much passion for what he does and for dancing itself, but then, when he danced, he didn't have any of the technique there, you could tell he had not really had no dance training, however, he put so much of his heart into it, and it upset me when he finished to have his dreams crushed because 'he was not good enough' ok so he wasn't the best 'dancer' there, but in my eyes i could see he was the best TRUE dancer, because to me, real dancing is about feeling it inside your heart, and moving with your body, and besides who knows.? Given the chance and the training he could be amazing! There was another girl who was deaf, and she learnt music and dance by feeling the vibrations, she didn't get though either because of stupid things like 'her lines were not right' ok, i understand this comp is looking for the best 'dancer, but why can she not even have a chance..? The panel even said if she had training she would be awesome..! It makes me mad! She could be such a role model for people who have disabilities, there will be people who want to dance, but feel they can't because they are deaf, well wouldn't she show the world something totally different. I'm just saying that THESE are the people who deserve to be given a chance, people like this are our future if we have any chance of equality.. So if you guys are reading this, i want to thank you, for having the courage to get up on that stage and just dance, despite what people may think about you, or if people say you can't do it. I encourage you to carry on with your dreams of being dancers. You can do it, and you deserve it just as much as any other person if not more. Good luck! This is what real dancing should be.

Dancing though life....

I love dancing, dancing is my life.

So why the hell is it that i feel such a failure compared to nearly every other dancer i know. Why do i have to be so crap at something that means so much to me.

Yes ok so i think that dancing isn't always about how well you can dance, but more about your heart and spirit in it, but in the 'real' world is it really seen as that? With people being declined from jobs just because 'they do not look right' or are 'not good enough' really does not help to argue the fact that anyone can dance does it.?

Dance really is something I adore doing, i dance though everything, any emotion or thought or feeling, no matter what is going on inside my head or heart, i just dance because it makes me feel good. But now I'm coming to the end of my three year performing arts course at college, i'm wondering if there really is any point in me carrying on with it. I mean don't get me wrong, i love it with all my heart and everything I have inside, but lets face it, i am no where near as good as these famous dancers that you see on TV and stage nowadays. I just want to be able to dance and feel the music, i love dancing with no previous idea of what im going to do, just dancing as it comes to me, and thats normally the times i dance best. There is so much passion there, in me and in other people, but the small group of people that are deemed good enough..are literally like clones, and i really dont think that dancing should be about that. I'm lucky right now because i get my dance classes free with the course im on, but in general, wherever you go they are really expensive, not to mention the costumes needed aswell. It's just not possible for some people to learn the art of dance and I don't think thats fair.

For the past few years i have done a workshop with a group of young people called the Young Americans, and you know, they inspire me SO much, they never turn anybody down because of their size, looks, or skin colour. I can name so many dancers, who to me are the best dancers on this planet....Jenna..Oh my gosh the most amazing tap dancer i have ever seen in my entire life, i literally could not breathe when she danced. Emma..one of the most amazing ballet dancers i have ever seen in my life, shes just simply amazing..britney..possibly the most awesome urban dancer i have ever met...,mary-jo,judy,sarah,alaina,jess,ashley,...i could literally go on forever, every single one of them to me is perfect, but i know for a FACT because they are all individual and not clones, it would be hard to get places on some dance shows...yes, for sure they will get them, but if they are auditioning for something like swan lake, it will most likley be, the stick thin, tall with endless legs dancer who will get the job, no matter if they are better than her, just becuase they 'suit the character'..my friend went for an audion once and even though she had the most awesome voice ever, they didnt really want to know because she didn't 'look right' for the part. It's just unfair. Dancing should be about freedom and being yourself, it shouldnt be about money..or looks or age or size....If you want to dance,a nd have a passion for it, then shouldnt you be alloud to..? despite what people think of you. When i first started dancing i used to be so free in it..and now even though i do try doing that, i always feel i have to hold back because i'm being judged for what im doing. In a YA workshop i find it so hard just to let go, even though i know they wont be judging me..all because if this stupid fucked up 'image' of what every dancer should be.

It sucks and i hate it. I want to open a CHEAP dance school, where people can just learn the art of dance, without having to worry about costs of classes and uniform, as long as your are comfortable and can dance in it, come in anything. Dance should be about you, the floor and the world...not about what people think,perfection,and clones.

From a different angle....

Today was, i think, one of the most inspiring days I have had in a long while. My urban class for a start, even though i couldn't dance, i got to see SUCH A DIFFERENT side to all my class mates, i got to see them dance with passion and with hope in their hearts, and it was amazing....

Some of the girls in that class, never express themselves, but oh my gosh, today i had tears in my eyes, i literally was so close to crying it was unreal. My tap class could have gone better considering i was in too much pain with my head and neck to even sit in a class haha! But then tap is tap i adore it no matter what way it is presented to me, even more so than any other form of dance.

Finally i had my acting class, normally by this lesson EVERYONE is tired and fed up, it's Friday afternoon, we have been dancing all day, and literally everyone is pooped and just wants to go home! But today we started on a new assessment based on the style of epic theatre, we got this sheet with all the different topics we were aloud to cover and then got into groups to start the task of creating and devising a performance...I've never been able to talk so openly in a place like that about all the problems i have had in my life, and for once, i was not afraid, We also got allot of work done...I don't know, i think that two passes and two merits for my previous assessment..well not exactly good is it? Ok so i thought i would have failed for sure but still not amazing, I have a feeling about this one though, i am so ready to put my heart into this and DIVE HEADFIRST into this challenge, i cannot wait!

to be continued.......

I'm sitting here getting more and more frustrated with myself.

i hate myself for being so stupid as to climb and fall out a tree. It's not even been a week of not being able to dance and i already want to cry.

I was sitting in my urban class today and i don't think i have ever wanted to do something more than what i wanted to do that class.

There is just something so beautiful about being able to express feelings, thoughts and emotions though a dance piece. It's just so free and open.

Everyday when i watch the news, and read about Japan, all i want to do is dance, and i know that seems like a really stupid reaction, but it helps get everything out, for me anyway.

I was looking and flights yesterday and even the cheapest flight is over £1000 there is no way on earth i can afford that and get there to help.

I wish the world would just dance when they feel pain.... It really can heal...

It's such a better way to do it.... Instead of fighting and inflicting pain.

LOVE TO JAPAN

I dance even when i feel pain, i dance knowing theres something to gain

Ok so I'm thinking as i simply cannot do anything but think about Japan, i should maybe try and busy myself with writing a blog about today, considering i wanted to do that!

So today i had my urban class, and we got to do something entirely different to what we normally do, normally, i love urban, of course it's dancing, but normally i will cry and get so frustrated because it's not my 'dance' style.

Well today we were talking as a class and i found that urban dance and music, can be used to perform a lyrical dance, Music is just one of the few wonderful things that you can do literally anything with.

We were given a piece of music with no lyrics in which to make up a dance (lyrical based) too. At first i was totally lost, because its not the normal music i dance lyrical to...but i just really thought about it, about what it would feel like to have depression and i mean the real and RAW emotions, and i just moved, and danced...It just came from somewhere deep inside me...

Then after the class, i danced a little bit of let it be for my teacher, it was the most beautiful feeling, even though inside my heart was pounding so much and i was literally terrified, i put all my soul and passion into it, i danced for overcoming violence, war and the negative things that happen in our lives.. I came out of that class knowing that i'd helped someone understand the power of lyrical, and the words of let it be.

Prayers and Love to all in Japan;...

Going to be dancing for you for the next few months to come!

Friday dancing ♥

I wish i could be more confident in myself.
I wish that i could walk into a class and be able to perform or do whateverto my hearts content without worrying about what people think of me.
I hate myself for it and hate is such a strong word i know but when want so much for the world, but cannot bring myself to do it..
I struggle to accept who i am.

Today in my urban dance class we were dancing 'locking' which is a form of urban dance. I really more than anything wanted to jump in with both feet and my heart and dance till i couldn't dance no more.
Something was stopping me though, there was a constant voice in my head saying i looked stupid and could not dance this style of dance. and no matter how much my teacher told me i was doing it fine, i just could not believe her. I felt stupid.

Why can i not just take my way of thinking about others and use it to believe in myself to...
urgh.

Imagine & Let it be

Today i was again listening to music (as always) and yet again listened to the songs Imagine and Let it be.

It got me thinking of an idea. That maybe i should combine both the songs, into a lyrical based number. The songs, well, they have such a deep meaning for me, they mean so so much, and i wanted to share that with the world but really didn't know how. Which is how the idea came into my mind.

I love dance, more than almost anything in this entire universe, and more than just dance, i love to dance to a song that has meaning, and i love dancing freely, being able to express myself however i want to though the music and the lyrics.

So that's my plan for the next few weeks...

I LOVE to dance i really really do, and I'm proud to be a 'dreamer'. So what better way to show the world than combining them together?

A precious young soul ♥

I just watched a video of a young girl aged nine, performing a lyrical dance to 'Let it be'.

Such a small person, yet so much passion, so much hope, so many dreams for herself, and for this planet we live on.

I wanted to write this blog because that is the one little thing that made my day, It made me feel such a array of different emotions.

HAPPY

SAD

THOUGHTFUL

INSPIRED

HOPEFUL

TOUCHED

BLESSED

THANKFUL

I shed a few tears, by a few i mean alot. I have never before seen a girl THIS young be such a good model to other people, even those much older than her!

She is a great credit to this earth and to this planet and we should feel blessed to have her and people like her in it..

It gives me hope that there will be a future for the children that there will be a light amougst the darkness.

This one, young small soul has provesd that to me.

If only the whole world would think the same way as this young heart. The world really would be SO AMAZING.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but i am definatly not the only one

Blessed so so so blessed......