In peace

just realised if you look at the isalnd where all the shootings took place in Norway, It's the shape of a heart (well not perfect but you know you can see it if you look the right way)..and it made me cry....To me that is a symbol that the dead are at peace and loved ones can (try) to move on..i just saw and thought i would share it on facebook...'death' does not mean the end of love...

- i just posted this on my facebook and thought that i should put it in a more publice place :)x

Missing a muse

I really don't know what has happened to me recently, i mean, normally writing is just something that comes so naturally to me, but now, everything is so different and i can never seem to find the words inside me soul to say what i really feel. It sucks. big time. When I cannnot dance or ride, I am left stuck in this world where i can do a big fat nothing to express myself apart from words, and when they fail me too...well...

It's not that I'm not thinking the same things as i always do, i am, and everyday i am STILL praying and hoping for Japan and for everyone there to be well and ok, but at the same time, i cannot find the words to write or speak, to bring comfort to those who need it. People tell me i am gifted with words, well if that is true then what the hell is going on with me right now!?!?

I hate it, I've lost my muse and with it my spirit, i know

thats stupid because it's only writing and words, but for me they have so much power,i don't know what to do without them. I need to get on with my college work, and even though that is all fact based and case study stuff, i just cannot find the motivation inside myself to start it.

I believe words and poetry have so much power that it's unreal, which is why i am sitting here getting so frustrated with myself, if anyone finds my muse ship them back to me ASAP? thanks :) x

Are you worth it...?

I cannot believe that i am saying this

addmitting that it's true.

I really could not live without you

I simply don't know what i do.

Your like a drug i need you

everyday i need more and more

you crush me from the inside

destory everything i stand for

It's actually quite patheitic

what with all the fucking lies

that i still believe and want you

forever in my life.

I hate you being with me

but then I'd hate more if you wernt

I love you arms around me

Even though it always hurts

Why is it always like this

I'm at war with my own heart.

I keep saying i'm better off without you

But my heart won't let us part.

One day maybeI'll wake up

and my heart then will decide

if i can or cannot live without you

and keep intact my pride....

There is always hope

I have a poster next to my bed. My friend sent it to me for Christmas..

It's a photo of a girl holding a heart balloon...and behind her lie the words

'THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE'

It gives me hope..always...theres always a little part of me, no matter how bad life gets, that holds on to meaning and significance of the words on this poster...

It gives me a little room to breathe when i feel like i'm being crushed under all the stuff thats going on in my life...HOPE....I love that word don't you? There's so much beauty inside a word which PROVES beyond a doubt, that no matter what, things will be ok...and you know what..i think...they really will..because i do have hope...

I'm not that stupid and i know, i know that everything will not happen overnight..one step at a time is all it really is if you think about it. Don't be a quitter..quitters get nowhere, and please don't be afraid of failure..you only fail when you don't try...and remember whenever you think it's hopeless to even bother trying...

THAT THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE...

There really is a point in everything, no matter how insignificant...

I once read a story about a young girl who committed suicide..her note read..

'I'm going to jump off the bridge..i can't this anymore, but, if just one person smiles at me as i'm walking there, then i will turn around and come home, get help and live again...'

She ended up jumping...ok so i know thats not a good thing to put here...but...think about it...she only wanted a smile...JUST ONE SMILE...so smile at a stranger...yes it may seem insignificant but look at the difference it made...she gave up on hope...and one person just ONE person could have made that change...to think she even got to the stage where she felt there was no hope breaks my heart

HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE

Have it for yourself and in return others will have it too....If you see someone falling apart and crying don't walk past, ask them if there is anyway you can help...

Tell them to listen to their heart..and hope is whispering...keep trying...