Dancing though life....

I love dancing, dancing is my life.

So why the hell is it that i feel such a failure compared to nearly every other dancer i know. Why do i have to be so crap at something that means so much to me.

Yes ok so i think that dancing isn't always about how well you can dance, but more about your heart and spirit in it, but in the 'real' world is it really seen as that? With people being declined from jobs just because 'they do not look right' or are 'not good enough' really does not help to argue the fact that anyone can dance does it.?

Dance really is something I adore doing, i dance though everything, any emotion or thought or feeling, no matter what is going on inside my head or heart, i just dance because it makes me feel good. But now I'm coming to the end of my three year performing arts course at college, i'm wondering if there really is any point in me carrying on with it. I mean don't get me wrong, i love it with all my heart and everything I have inside, but lets face it, i am no where near as good as these famous dancers that you see on TV and stage nowadays. I just want to be able to dance and feel the music, i love dancing with no previous idea of what im going to do, just dancing as it comes to me, and thats normally the times i dance best. There is so much passion there, in me and in other people, but the small group of people that are deemed good enough..are literally like clones, and i really dont think that dancing should be about that. I'm lucky right now because i get my dance classes free with the course im on, but in general, wherever you go they are really expensive, not to mention the costumes needed aswell. It's just not possible for some people to learn the art of dance and I don't think thats fair.

For the past few years i have done a workshop with a group of young people called the Young Americans, and you know, they inspire me SO much, they never turn anybody down because of their size, looks, or skin colour. I can name so many dancers, who to me are the best dancers on this planet....Jenna..Oh my gosh the most amazing tap dancer i have ever seen in my entire life, i literally could not breathe when she danced. Emma..one of the most amazing ballet dancers i have ever seen in my life, shes just simply amazing..britney..possibly the most awesome urban dancer i have ever met...,mary-jo,judy,sarah,alaina,jess,ashley,...i could literally go on forever, every single one of them to me is perfect, but i know for a FACT because they are all individual and not clones, it would be hard to get places on some dance shows...yes, for sure they will get them, but if they are auditioning for something like swan lake, it will most likley be, the stick thin, tall with endless legs dancer who will get the job, no matter if they are better than her, just becuase they 'suit the character'..my friend went for an audion once and even though she had the most awesome voice ever, they didnt really want to know because she didn't 'look right' for the part. It's just unfair. Dancing should be about freedom and being yourself, it shouldnt be about money..or looks or age or size....If you want to dance,a nd have a passion for it, then shouldnt you be alloud to..? despite what people think of you. When i first started dancing i used to be so free in it..and now even though i do try doing that, i always feel i have to hold back because i'm being judged for what im doing. In a YA workshop i find it so hard just to let go, even though i know they wont be judging me..all because if this stupid fucked up 'image' of what every dancer should be.

It sucks and i hate it. I want to open a CHEAP dance school, where people can just learn the art of dance, without having to worry about costs of classes and uniform, as long as your are comfortable and can dance in it, come in anything. Dance should be about you, the floor and the world...not about what people think,perfection,and clones.

I am not a robot

'I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

so irritating

don't wanna be my friend no more

I wanna be somebody else'

I was just randomly going though some music on my ipod and came across this song by Pink, i haven't listened to it in ages but decided i would today.

Do you know when you just find one of those songs that sums up how you are feeling in one particular moment, like you listen to it and it's as if the writer literally took the words out 0f you own head.

Well today, that's what this song did.

I think that this song can sum up what life is to many young girls these days, not just me, i mean, there is so much pressure to be beautiful and slim, the media display it everywhere and its just retarded, everyone literally has to be the same, and i don't think its right. I'm doing we will rock you right now in my fmp, and i really do worry that In the future the world will be like, just hundreds and thousands 0f clones, no individuals.

There is such a significant line in the second verse

'LA told me, you'll be a popstar, all you have to change, is everything you are.'

Why should all popstars be beautiful, if you have a talent there, surely you should be alloud to share it with the world right?!?

I hate on xfactor when people audition, who are not the most prettiest or slimmest person going, and before they even open their mouths, the get judged by the audience. how on earth it that fair.?

Why are people told they are too fat to be dancing, just because they are not the 'perfect' ballet dancer....? I have done a few Young American workshops in the past 5 years and you know what i love the most..? Is that everyone is treated the same,no matter what the size or looks....

Is it no wonder so many famous people these days are having breakdowns...The amount of stick they get for having just one fucking spot on the face is crazy!!!! they are human beings, therefore, they should be alloud to have things like this, without it being displayed everywhere for the entire world to see how 'ugly and unfit' they are.

I think that the only magazine i have every seen that promotes real beauty in every single issue is company, and that is why i get that magazine so much. In there its about dressing as you want, and finding new unsigned bands...not about whats already out there and what we are expected to wear...

I dress most of the time so differently to my friends, one day i got in my Friends car and she took one look at me and said 'your dressed like a fucking hippie what the hell are you wearing?'

We don't talk no more, there is something beautiful about walking down the street in somewhere like camden and seeing so many different styles...that's what the world should be about really...

money, looks, age and size should not matter, bit should be whats inside....