On the path unwinding

“Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance, and respect all the creatures from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope.” - The lion king

For anyone who knows me, they will be able to tell you my deep respect for the lion king. In 2006 i took a workshop with a group called The Young Americans for the first time, just before they came to our school to teach us they lost a cast member. THIS was the dance you saw all the emotion pour out in...i don't think i have ever cried like i did then. I was so full of pride even for a group of people i didn't really know  After they had performed the dance for us they told us to split up and find a YA to teach us the dance. Before we learnt anything they sat with us in a circle and we spoke about the meaning of the words and how strong they were, and how when you dance this song your heart goes fully into it.  They taught me it was ok to feel a different emotion every time i danced and if i wanted to cry then i could, i didn't have to be afraid.  Seeing them dance this song for their friend that had died hit me so hard it was unreal suddenly 'the circle of life' and 'he lives in you' had a whole new meaning to which i had never imagined possible before. 

One week after the YA had left to go back to America i was at home with nothing to do so decided to put on the lion king DVD and watch that thorough my new eyes this time. I cried from the start to the very end credit. The movie was now no longer a cartoon but a story of life, hope, courage, loss, fear, death... the story of finding YOUR own place in that circle of life, knowing that the circle of life never stops, it will keep going regardless of what happens 'its the circle of life, and it moves us all, through despair and hope, through faith and love.'  understanding that things are gonna be ok and you will find you way eventually, but also realising that it's not going to be easy and you are going to have to go though every emotion possible to find yourself. It taught me theres no such thing as gone and as long as you keep a lost loved one within your heart they are ALWAYS alive. Their life has not ended because as long as you carry on for them... THEY LIVE IN YOU.  The cast of the 2006 honestly were the best thing that ever happened to me and my life, even now i can put my hand on my heart and swear that. I have never met a group of people more amazing. It's insane one of the old cast members said to me the other day that i was the strongest person she knew,I've had other YA say that to me a lot too... but what she didn't realise was that my strength i got from her and of course her friends on that tour. 

I've taken a lot of workshops and lion King is always in it and talking about every time would be immensely boring but another time that taught me even more about the lion king was in 2009 and this beautiful (too beautiful it makes me jealous) girl picked me to dance sticks with her, which is basically what it is, a dance with sticks to shadowlands (anyone who has seen the west end/broadway will know how moving that is i cried like a baby). i know that at that point seeing the lion king performed again, add to the fact of my new eyes i saw it though i was in a complete state. The last thing i wanted was for the stick to be shoved in my face and told I'm gonna do this dance which means more eyes will be on me, but anyway i done it...and i'm glad i did. I was taught the meaning behind the dance and song, and looking down at my scar covered arms i knew EXACTLY why she had picked me. The dance was about going though shit and falling to your lowest but getting back up again and fighting...and never forgetting who you are. Theres this move in the dance where you reach up with one hand and then grab you wrist with the other. I know that every time i do that dance i slap my wrist so hard i leave a bruise, not to hurt myself but to let go of all the pain of my past, accept myself and move on to what is my future...i bring all that pain in, look at it briefly then realise its ok to let go and throw it away. Oh man i love her and then when we got back into the main hall she was like 'here i think you would like to dance with this' and handed me a different stick...i just looked at her as if she was on drugs until she pointed out something written in black tape on the side 'GWEEDO', the YA i was talking about in 2006. It gave me unimaginable strength and for me summed up he lives in you perfectly.

This is why i'm writing this now...i just watched lion king again and I've gone from having a crap few days, losing hope to live, to think of this, and the special people lion king has helped me meet and I'm now inspired. 

Until we find our place on the path unwinding...