I'm pretty upset right now and it's funny because the first place i have come to is my blog. The one place where i can say what i want (well most of it) without giving a crap about getting judged. My mom is currently downstairs putting up the christmas tree and i have HAD to take myself away from the situation because with every decoration going up i was reminded of what i didn't have anymore that made christmas real. My granddad. My family are not exactly religious so i don't understand the need to celebrate it now the fact my brother and i are both over 18. All I'm getting from my mom is 'come on this was g'dads favourite time of the year, make the most of it but i can't i just can't. To me now, christmas in my house seems to be about buying presents and receiving presents and of course the general pigging out on shit loads of complete crap which will only make you 10 stone heavier. Ok i admit i like giving a lot, but then i do that 24/7 though out the year, i don't need christmas to be able to do that it's so stupid, i also like the pigging out apart...ok....maybe that bits fun...but working off the extra calories in the new year drives me insane!
Anyway, when i was younger christmas was MAGICAL and i mean..amazing..my granddad used to hide bells in his pockets all the time and ring them so my brother and I thought Santa was flying above checking we were all behaving..i used to sit by the window with my little faced pressed up against the glass trying to find Santa in the sky. On christmas day my gramps would come into my room, whisper in my ear 'santa's been' then pick me up and give my a fireman's lift down the stairs leaving me in a heap, historically laughing in the middle of my presents. He then took the job of putting everything together or putting batteries in the would have a great time playing with mine and my brothers toys with us with always the excuse 'i'm just checking there working'
This time pf year now, i just i just want to hibernate in my room and never leave...if it were not for my horse, then knowing in me i would do that.... my horse is an amazing source of strength for me.
Oh christmas tree the memories you bring ....
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