Another lion king blog

Here i go again,going off on one of my lion king rampages...for anyone who hates lion king..I'm sorry i advise you not to read. I actually havnt spoken about my obsession this year...i dont think. So now is a perfect time to write again.
Well today i wanted to write about the dance i done with the YA in the fall and yes i have spoken about this dance many a time before but i just felt i wanted to write more about it...about the guy i learnt the dance from and the whole experience that time.

Everytime i dance the Lion king with the young Americans i feel something different, i change a little inside...another piece of my heart is opened up...my head is clearer...but oh my gosh...the last workshops i took, i flew to Germany, i literally have never seen a more amazing cast, or more, i have never trusted a group of people enough to let them in like i did with them...I mean even the company director oh my gosh (Tina) I loved her to hell and back, and it broke my heart inside when i had to say goodbye, just as it does with the YA. People always seem to overlook the director, well both Tina and I had our last workshop in Gotha which is a beautiful town that  fell in love with, and the kids were incredible...and there is this medley dedicated to the world, to working together to create something beautiful....and I was watching Tina the entire time, and in the end i was like 'screw it!!!!' and asked for her to come sing with us all, it was literally the best feeling ever, the best. NEVER BE AFRAID..even if you hands are shaking...and your faith is broken,...even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open. Don't be afraid. It's ok.
But Tina was beautiful, she touched my heart and..wow...she was like the perfect director for such a perfect cast...
Where i do so much performing arts stuff, I'm used to working with lots of different people and moving on and never really seeing them again and i deal with that pretty well.  I mean my heart will break at the time but i get over it pretty quickly...well...i still miss this cast..more than ever i still miss this cast with every fibre of my being, whenever I'm having a shit day (often recently), i always try to look back..at what that cast taught me.
I'm gonna try SO hard to take all of it into the workshop i am taking next month..although physically i am so ill right now, i don't even know if i will cope with workshop...but if i am ok..if i manage to not faint, or end up crying I'm in so much pain with my stomach haha..then i will try and give it all i have.
This cast...( I love how i go off subject all the time because i have so much to say) I couldn't ask to have met better people...in the worst of situations i cope so much better..When Topper died in december, i cuddled into my little irish man at the stables and gave him a hug (that horse is my life)...instead of being stupid over something that was indeed just a part of the circle of life...My butterfly tattoo, instead of self harming all the time...i consider all that cast to be a part of that butterfly...they all mean that much to me.
OK..I'm gonna actually do the blog i came to do....first of all i would like to dedicate this to a girl who helped me a lot and her little baby Maisie...for the meaning of lion king..I hope this brings you strength. love you.
So I danced this dance with Rob this time (and with this amazing other boy who i think was called tom..i'm 20 in a week or so my brain cells are dying i can't remember!!!) and it was perfect because i knew the dance from previous stick dances, so i really got to focus on the meaning behind the dance and song even more than ever. I remember Rob saying to me something along these lines.

'The best of the sticks like you already said is the heartbeat, now we start that heartbeat, thats why your centre sticks, that why i picked you i think you are the strongest in the workshop. We are going to go out there and dance from within us...' Well...even in rehearsal i cried every single time, and the best bit, i felt different every time..thats what i love about dance, most of all lyrical, it has so much power and so much soul.  The first time i learnt the dance (this is to shadowlands btw) Emma taught me that it was a story....going through something hard in your life and getting to your lowest of lowest and coming back up again...(and yet again i'm crying my eyes out this always happens!) Everytime i try to reflect that within my movement...and when i'm up on that stage in front of people i just want to give the message, and the fall cast taught me not to give a TOSS what people thought, or how much of a bad dancer i am just to dance..The best moment came when Nartan took my hand and said i danced the entire Lion King medley with such passion and such heart, like oh my gosh that just meant a lot..the trying not to cry thing was a struggle then too..When he said he could see the whole story i was telling from within my eyes...that meant more to me than anything else ever...

I just want to explain the heartbeat thing and this Maisie is where it becomes a message for you and you mum. When i was in workshop, i learnt the heartbeat was what kept all us all together, the heart beat made us one.. and one i keep with me, is that no matter where i go i will still have my heart beating along with all the people i was blessed to dance that dance with. Even the kids who i didn't take workshop with, from that dance i was taught, we are all connected in a circle of life...even when our time on earth is over, as long as a heartbeat, somewhere remains, that person/loved one never dies..NEVER...Their heart beats though YOUR heart.
'They live in you, They live in my, their watching over, everything we see, in every creature, in every star..in your reflection they live in you.'
The circle of life is the most beautiful concept ever...it gives me hope i will see my grandad again, the man who was my father to me. It gives me hope i will see my friends i've lost again and all the little animals, as insignificant as they may be to others, anything that meant a lot to me..it gives me hope i will see them again.
To me..i now believe that nothing is ever final  and that no matter if someone in body is gone, it does not mean they have to be gone. I mean my grandad is here more than ever, and theres this beautiful YA called Gweedo who passed away in 2006, he is still very much alive..because the people who loved him keep him alive and pass his story on.
From this blog i wanted to show how much this dance means, again...i mean, i learnt to accept death though the young americans...i learnt to let go, i learnt goodbyes are sometimes the only way to go, i learnt we are all one. i learnt we are connected, i learnt the real meaning behind lion king and the circle of life ( i will like cry every time i see lion king...i went to see it in London a month or so back, i was crying pretty much the entire way though...WOW...so much power...
LIFE LOVE LIFE LOVE LIFE LOVE They need each other. and remember what i said just because someone is not here in body does not mean they are no longer alive anymore. As long as they live on within your heart...they are alive too...
Please take this blog and understand what i am saying...I actually love you all just for reading this, just for taking time to read this...
I wish you 525,600 minutes of everything you could ever want..  xxxx
PS: added is the video of the stick dance i was talking about and for those who know what I'm like watch me...just watch me..im actually at the front this time, and I'm jot trying to hide...im not running away and oh my gosh the passion i am putting into it, i was gobsmacked when i watched it back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0lFkn7S8GE&lc=5kSuQO6l26P7xFiUU2HkJAPNIMH2fvnIFwbgp-jiggo&feature=inbox

PPS: Please PLEASE check out the YA website and see what they can offer, they really do change lives so much, as you can read here...and that dance bear in mind that was one part of the show which they taught to hundreds of kids who spoke german in two days...im just crying again thinking about it..if you know ANYWHO who will benefit from the incredible opportunity then please get in touch....(with them not me that would be pointless and i never check my mail. www.youngamericans.org i am sure thats right, if not google and it will pop up right away  :)