Dream Like New York

Well i'm sorry that i didn't get much more of my blog finished the other day but i literally got home from sorting the horses out and by the time i was out of my stinking riding stuff i was so tired i was passed out on the sofa. Because i have so much trouble sleeping, it means that i will normally go a week or so without sleeping then i will just sleep for an entire day or more, i hate it. I hate even more the fact no medication seems to help. Well anyway, there was another blog i wanted to write two days ago that i never got around to so, i really need to get it done now.
As all of my readers know music is a huge part of my life and i actually have pages at the back of my journal where i will hear music and think of a thought, feeling or emotion straight away, well i will write it down, so i know what music i should listen to in whatever situation i am in to make me feel better. Well there is this song i discovered recently which is totally amazing and instantly make me think just about my future. I cried a little when i first heard it, but only because i found the lyrics to be just so beautiful. 

So the lyrics for this song just inspire me so much, they explain life, they make you realise what life is. I love how Tyrone explains that so many dreams come and go, because many people will have a plan of something they want to do, and when they loose that dream they give up and think that there is no other dream that could ever possibly come to them, i love this song it gives hope, it shows its OK to change you mind and go down a different path. This song gives such an important message...most of all with this verse.

How many times have u tried and failed?
Have you watched your dreams slip away?
Well every hero falls and every soldier crawls.
And every dreamer dreams again
Got to dream again

And that message is to never give up and never give in because everyone, no matter how strong they are will fall at some point, even those who say they don't. I used to be one of them, i used to say i would never cry and i didn't care when i hurt myself because i was scared of letting people know that i was weak...well i hope this song teaches you also not to be weak and afraid. I just really wanted to share this song with you guys and i really hope you can take something from it like i managed to.
Man i cannot wait to learn this on guitar! xxxx :)

So many dreams come and go
We blink our eyes
Time flies by we don't know
Whatever happened to those childhood years
When we thought we could fly
We got to keep those dreams alive

And dream like New York
As high as the skyline
Aim for the stars above those city lights
I want to dream like New York
I'm running down Broadway
I got to catch the next train
I'm making my way

Race to work again today
From nine to five
I only strive to stay awake
But the child inside me
Dares to believe I still can fly
Can't let those dreams just die

I got to dream like New York
As high as the skyline
Aim for the stars above those city lights
I want to dream like New York
I'm running down Broadway
I got to catch the next train
I'm making my way

How many times have u tried and failed?
Have you watched your dreams slip away?
Well every hero falls and every soldier crawls.
And every dreamer dreams again
Got to dream again

Go on and dream like New York
As high as the skylines
Aim for the stars above those city lights
Go on and dream like New York
Run on down Broadway
Catch the next train
Go make your way

Go on and dream like NY
As high as the skyline
Aim for the stars above those city lights
You got to dream like NY
Run on down Broadway
Catch the next train
Go make your way
Go make your way
Go make your way

Make it a better place

'I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those, who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return'
I was just listening to the wicked soundtrack, which i do actually one hell of alot...and i got thinking about a friend of mine who i met totally randomly a few years ago.
So this girl, makes the lyrics to this song so significant...Do you know when you meet someone and the instant they look at you, and speak for the first time you KNOW they are going to understand you and you will be friends? Well this is what happened with this girl. The first time i met her i was crying quite abit...well alot. I was thinking about alot of things and my head was away somewhere in the clouds....she came over to me and asked me for a hug, and let me just explain this...i never let people hug me a few years ago...literally wouldnt let anyone touch me, unless i knew them really well, and from that moment i just KNEW i could trust her with my life and my heart. I don't think she even knew i didnt like hugs...i guess she just saw it in my body language that instant pull back, arms crossed, head down thing i done instantly to try and get away from the situation.
I don't know why i decided to write this blog, but i just felt it had to be done, I want the world to know there is such things as angels...because this girl i'm talking about is one of them.
I love how we sat for hours upon hours just talking about our lives and everything that had happened and the crazy thing was, she had gone though everything i went though, and am going though when she was my age if not more than me...out of all the thousands of random people i could have started talking to, it was her!
Ahhh i cannot even think of the words to write what i want to say, it's one of those annoying situations where you know exactly inside your heart but when out, it just gets lost in a total catastrophe of words and sentences all thrown in together. It's hard to explain because normally in a situation like this i could say oh shes one of my best friends, but shes really not...I love her to death and back and would literally take a bullet for her just to see her smile...so it's not that i don't care either because i REALLY do..i think like for good says, she was brought into my life for a reason, and i really think thats the only way i can describe it. Some people a naturally meant to find each other because they are soul mates and destined to either be lovers or best friend.or sometimes both...then you get the other people we meet, than come in and out of your life...and change you in the most tiny but very significant ways, they do not normally stay long, and theres only SO much they can teach you. Well with this girl is constantly changing me still even years later, thats why i feel so blessed to have her, she really has helped me to grow, and i know that right now im in a fucking crazy mood and all over the place but within that i have reached an inner calm which i had never managed to reach before i knew her...It's an amazing feeling having someone you can talk to who you know is not going to blab it to your circle of friends...because they dont know any of them, and of whom actually understand the situation you are going though.
This weekend i got to spend some time with her after what seemed to me to be years...and it's the caring and how happy my heart felt at that moment, I really do think that talking face to face is much better than over a chat, because more feelings and love can go into it...you can see more what is real, and what is not. I felt so amazed that she even wanted to see me, i am actually an epic fail and normally make everything suck..or at least i think so and thats all that matters to me!!!! It just lifted my spirits up so much and made me feel a million times better about myself..i got home that day and just walked around singing the entire day (namely all RENT) but i was singing all day...something i have not done in a really long while!
So yeah i believe in angels and i believe that people come into our lives for a reason, i want for everyone who reads this to say hello to everyone and get to know everyone at every opportunity you get..because you never know who can change you life...if you had told me a few years back i would meet someone who changed me and would even give me a reason to live when i was suicidal, i would have laughed in your face, but now...i believe in the things unseen...the little things that draw people together and help to make them and (hopefully in time) the world a better place.
Thank you for reading.

Letter from a friend....

So i need to write another blog, because something has just happened to majorly affect me! I was sitting reading though all the letters and different things in my (now huge) memory box and i cam across a letter from a friend of mine that she had written about two years ago.

Never before has something given me such hope, it's amazing, that just a few words on a paper, which may seem insignificant to so many people has so much impact upon my life. I cannot believe looking now that i forgot i had that letter, i cannot believe i have not looked at it in months, i used to sleep with it under my pillow for christs sake!

It's such a beautiful note full of heart, love and spirit, and it reminds me of that person, and of the fact that the things in the letter, are things they say to me in real life anyway! I'm not going to mention who wrote this letter, i think i would actually die from embarrassment if they knew and saw this....so just in case they do see it (highly unlikely) i shall keep it schum :)

I was sitting there on my bed crossed legged just staring, literally staring at this letter, reading it over and over again, and no matter how hard i tried to not do so, my eyes filled and overflowed with tears, I miss them, i miss them so much, i'm going though so much right now, and i keep thinking that if their letter has that much power over me imagine what that person could do if they were here! There are days right now where i just want to crawl into a hole and die.... I don't think i would be alive without this person, i really don't, and when i'm feeling down, finding a letter like this, really, could not have come at a better time. I am so thankful.

INSPIRED AND BLESSED.

Daisy O'brien

I have this friend, and i really feel the need to write a blog about them, i don't know if i am going to show them yet it might seem creepy. We are not that close at all, as in not best friends, and hardly ever see eachother, in fact if it wasn't for the workshops we do i would not see her at all. Daisy, she is..the most talented and beautiful individual i have ever met, she has this huge heart and her passion for what she is doing and her dance just shouts out to the entire room whenever she is in it. We have so much in common and she tends to understand me where others don't. I don't really think that she realises just how amazing she is and how talented she is. I know that recently she has been doubting herself alot, in her dancing, and i just think she is simply amazing, she could be the best YA there is, ive never seen someone have so much power to move people when they dance, her eyes, her heart everything. Today i was talking to her and i asked if she would show me her dance that she has made and when she told me of course i literally cried with happiness. I cannot wait! I wish people could get to know this girl, because she really is amazing, i don't think i really know anyone who does not like her, i am so grateful to have met her and have her in my life :)

26th March 2006

So today i was on facebook and looking though my pictures and remember after seeing the Young American folder that it is 5 years since Gweedo passed away. I wanted to write this blog in his memory, i felt that it was needed, i mean, i never got to meet this guy but i thought he was amazing, just by what i heard from the people who knew him, and the Young Americans i met that year.

I don't know the full story and i don't pretend to, nor is it my business to know, but i DO know that they day before the YA were due to come to our school, we heard the sad news that one of the cast members had passed away. Rumours started flying around, some that i don't even want to mention, but all i was thinking was,' but the Young Americans are a group of young people how could this have happened to someone so healthy and so free?'

My heart literally broke for them, and when i found out that they were still coming to our school i was literally in a state of shock, i don't know how someone could be so strong. It was amazing. I know i wrote a blog like this a couple of years ago, but i think that someone like this should not be forgotten, therefore a new blog, new beautiful thoughts and prayers of love and freedom.

Gweedo, well he was an amazing guy, REALLY amazing, and i know you are all thinking how could i know that when i had never met him... Well the answer is, the stories i heard, the videos i have seen and the pictures i have been shown. The only conclusion that i can come to, is that heaven needed him much more than anyone on earth could, because he was just to good to lose from this earth, i was gutted that i didn't get to meet him, REALLY gutted. But his story inspired me to be who i am today and taught me the beauty in having strength in the heart. The young americans, for the three days i was with them were amazing, there were tears, lots of tears, and all i wanted to do was to hug them all and make it ok, but i couldnt, i mean what can you say when something so awful has happened. Oh my gosh, i remember on the night of the show and this AMAZING girl called Aliana stood up on her own and said 'our show this evening is in memory of our dear friend Brent Gweedo Mathews' and oh my god i'm crying again now even thinking about it, the strength it must have took to get up and do that....I still cry everytime i watch the DVD and think about Gweedo. I don't care i never met him, i still know for a fact that he is impacting lives. My friend Katie had him homestay and was telling me about how he gave her a safety pin with green ribbon to keep her safe, and i thought that was a beautiful story, i always keep a safety pin attached to me now..A year or so ago, i was hanging out with one of my best friends charlottle who i met doing the YA in 2010 and was telling her about Gweedo, she gave me this green bracelet, which i still have not taken off, i think soon it's going to break because it's fraying so bad, but i will just keep it in my memory box when that does happen. There is so much meaning behind it that its unreal.

I don't know what else i can really write without sounding stupid..i just hope that the people who love him know how much he has changed my life, and many others like me..i hear Gweedo's story alot when i am doing w/s and i still remember when i done the stick dance with a friend of mine, Emma, in 2009 and i had Gweedo's stick. When she told me that, well, i have never ever ever danced with SO much passion like i did that day and that time. I didn't want to really do that dance, i had been crying so much before and all i thought was, how on earth can i go out there and do this....thats when Emma said. 'You know Gweedo right?, well look this is his stick' and it had his name on it...i knew he was there with me and with all the YA and i just done it and went for it with all my heart. He taught me to be a stronger person, when i lost both of my godparents last month, i had to leave rehearsals for we will rock you for the funeral, and even though my heart was saying, 'i can't do this, i cant go back to rehearsals' i did, and i cried alot, i spent most of the time either hugging one of my friends or having some alone time crying..but when i was needed to be on stage, i put it to the back of my mind and focused on the show...i would not have done that if i had not met the 2006 cast. I have a tattoo on my foot saying free, in memory of all my friends and family that have died, and i always think of gweedo as well whenever i look at it....

SIMPLY BLESSED.

LOVE ALL OVER THE WORLD AND HUGS FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT..

keep on praying for Japan and the lost, may the spirits of those now free, guide you to safety.

(This blog was written in memory of Gweedo, thank you for your heart for changing so many lives, and for still continuing to do so. Free.....)