2006 Young Americans

Last night i couldn't sleep i was upset and hurting in ways no one could ever imagine so i decided to watch the Young American DVD from 2006, I've never had a DVD before that constantly changes me even more every time that i watch it, and it's getting kinda sad now because the DVD is starting to wear out as ive watched it so much and its from 2006! :(
I still love that cast, i still can't get over their strength, i was watching the other night in awe thinking, 'how can they do this', 'how can they be strong'. When Alaina dedicated the show to Gweedo i started crying, and then literally didnt stop for the rest of the show. You can see the pain etched of the faces of every single member of that cast, but they stand with pride and they carry on and for that i am eternally grateful. When they sang RENT, they covered the version of i'll cover you (reprise) and oh my gosh, every single little word, was sung for Gweedo, It broke my heart to see them crying, I just wanted to hug them all, there is a part of that song where Shannon sings a line and the camera comes up close to her face..the pain, you can see, is just unbelievable. But she didnt stop. she was crying so hard, but she didnt stop, she never once said, i'm not doing this anymore. I wish nothing but good for these people. I've never met anyone so wonderful before. At the end of the song Jaimie lays a rose for Gweedo. It is, such a beautiful moment. The young americans, they pay for this entire thing on their own, this whole tour. They really are wonderful dedicated people, the second act with the kids was just filled with as much strength and love as the first part. One this little light Brooke is singing and gets a little scared, Alaina comes out and sings with her, it was BEAUTIFUL. Circle of life, you just need to watch the faces of every person on that stage to know they are feeling the lyrics. The director came on after and said this quote.
'now we could not have worked together has closely as we have for the past two and half days without some friendships forming, and some of these friendships, will last long after the applause dies from this hall, and maybe, just maybe, some friendships will last a lifetime. And need i say anymore this last song says it perfectly. 'If we hold on together'
It's ironic because i still talk to quite a few of this cast, whereas every other workshop i have done, i keep in touch with maybe a couple of the cast.
2006 cast if you read this i want you to know that i never ever forget you guys, nor anything you have taught me in the time i spent with you
'Until we meet again you will be in my heart and thoughts'
All my love.

26th March 2006

So today i was on facebook and looking though my pictures and remember after seeing the Young American folder that it is 5 years since Gweedo passed away. I wanted to write this blog in his memory, i felt that it was needed, i mean, i never got to meet this guy but i thought he was amazing, just by what i heard from the people who knew him, and the Young Americans i met that year.

I don't know the full story and i don't pretend to, nor is it my business to know, but i DO know that they day before the YA were due to come to our school, we heard the sad news that one of the cast members had passed away. Rumours started flying around, some that i don't even want to mention, but all i was thinking was,' but the Young Americans are a group of young people how could this have happened to someone so healthy and so free?'

My heart literally broke for them, and when i found out that they were still coming to our school i was literally in a state of shock, i don't know how someone could be so strong. It was amazing. I know i wrote a blog like this a couple of years ago, but i think that someone like this should not be forgotten, therefore a new blog, new beautiful thoughts and prayers of love and freedom.

Gweedo, well he was an amazing guy, REALLY amazing, and i know you are all thinking how could i know that when i had never met him... Well the answer is, the stories i heard, the videos i have seen and the pictures i have been shown. The only conclusion that i can come to, is that heaven needed him much more than anyone on earth could, because he was just to good to lose from this earth, i was gutted that i didn't get to meet him, REALLY gutted. But his story inspired me to be who i am today and taught me the beauty in having strength in the heart. The young americans, for the three days i was with them were amazing, there were tears, lots of tears, and all i wanted to do was to hug them all and make it ok, but i couldnt, i mean what can you say when something so awful has happened. Oh my gosh, i remember on the night of the show and this AMAZING girl called Aliana stood up on her own and said 'our show this evening is in memory of our dear friend Brent Gweedo Mathews' and oh my god i'm crying again now even thinking about it, the strength it must have took to get up and do that....I still cry everytime i watch the DVD and think about Gweedo. I don't care i never met him, i still know for a fact that he is impacting lives. My friend Katie had him homestay and was telling me about how he gave her a safety pin with green ribbon to keep her safe, and i thought that was a beautiful story, i always keep a safety pin attached to me now..A year or so ago, i was hanging out with one of my best friends charlottle who i met doing the YA in 2010 and was telling her about Gweedo, she gave me this green bracelet, which i still have not taken off, i think soon it's going to break because it's fraying so bad, but i will just keep it in my memory box when that does happen. There is so much meaning behind it that its unreal.

I don't know what else i can really write without sounding stupid..i just hope that the people who love him know how much he has changed my life, and many others like me..i hear Gweedo's story alot when i am doing w/s and i still remember when i done the stick dance with a friend of mine, Emma, in 2009 and i had Gweedo's stick. When she told me that, well, i have never ever ever danced with SO much passion like i did that day and that time. I didn't want to really do that dance, i had been crying so much before and all i thought was, how on earth can i go out there and do this....thats when Emma said. 'You know Gweedo right?, well look this is his stick' and it had his name on it...i knew he was there with me and with all the YA and i just done it and went for it with all my heart. He taught me to be a stronger person, when i lost both of my godparents last month, i had to leave rehearsals for we will rock you for the funeral, and even though my heart was saying, 'i can't do this, i cant go back to rehearsals' i did, and i cried alot, i spent most of the time either hugging one of my friends or having some alone time crying..but when i was needed to be on stage, i put it to the back of my mind and focused on the show...i would not have done that if i had not met the 2006 cast. I have a tattoo on my foot saying free, in memory of all my friends and family that have died, and i always think of gweedo as well whenever i look at it....

SIMPLY BLESSED.

LOVE ALL OVER THE WORLD AND HUGS FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT..

keep on praying for Japan and the lost, may the spirits of those now free, guide you to safety.

(This blog was written in memory of Gweedo, thank you for your heart for changing so many lives, and for still continuing to do so. Free.....)