Dancing though life....

I love dancing, dancing is my life.

So why the hell is it that i feel such a failure compared to nearly every other dancer i know. Why do i have to be so crap at something that means so much to me.

Yes ok so i think that dancing isn't always about how well you can dance, but more about your heart and spirit in it, but in the 'real' world is it really seen as that? With people being declined from jobs just because 'they do not look right' or are 'not good enough' really does not help to argue the fact that anyone can dance does it.?

Dance really is something I adore doing, i dance though everything, any emotion or thought or feeling, no matter what is going on inside my head or heart, i just dance because it makes me feel good. But now I'm coming to the end of my three year performing arts course at college, i'm wondering if there really is any point in me carrying on with it. I mean don't get me wrong, i love it with all my heart and everything I have inside, but lets face it, i am no where near as good as these famous dancers that you see on TV and stage nowadays. I just want to be able to dance and feel the music, i love dancing with no previous idea of what im going to do, just dancing as it comes to me, and thats normally the times i dance best. There is so much passion there, in me and in other people, but the small group of people that are deemed good enough..are literally like clones, and i really dont think that dancing should be about that. I'm lucky right now because i get my dance classes free with the course im on, but in general, wherever you go they are really expensive, not to mention the costumes needed aswell. It's just not possible for some people to learn the art of dance and I don't think thats fair.

For the past few years i have done a workshop with a group of young people called the Young Americans, and you know, they inspire me SO much, they never turn anybody down because of their size, looks, or skin colour. I can name so many dancers, who to me are the best dancers on this planet....Jenna..Oh my gosh the most amazing tap dancer i have ever seen in my entire life, i literally could not breathe when she danced. Emma..one of the most amazing ballet dancers i have ever seen in my life, shes just simply amazing..britney..possibly the most awesome urban dancer i have ever met...,mary-jo,judy,sarah,alaina,jess,ashley,...i could literally go on forever, every single one of them to me is perfect, but i know for a FACT because they are all individual and not clones, it would be hard to get places on some dance shows...yes, for sure they will get them, but if they are auditioning for something like swan lake, it will most likley be, the stick thin, tall with endless legs dancer who will get the job, no matter if they are better than her, just becuase they 'suit the character'..my friend went for an audion once and even though she had the most awesome voice ever, they didnt really want to know because she didn't 'look right' for the part. It's just unfair. Dancing should be about freedom and being yourself, it shouldnt be about money..or looks or age or size....If you want to dance,a nd have a passion for it, then shouldnt you be alloud to..? despite what people think of you. When i first started dancing i used to be so free in it..and now even though i do try doing that, i always feel i have to hold back because i'm being judged for what im doing. In a YA workshop i find it so hard just to let go, even though i know they wont be judging me..all because if this stupid fucked up 'image' of what every dancer should be.

It sucks and i hate it. I want to open a CHEAP dance school, where people can just learn the art of dance, without having to worry about costs of classes and uniform, as long as your are comfortable and can dance in it, come in anything. Dance should be about you, the floor and the world...not about what people think,perfection,and clones.