We just go on......

Ok, so for those who havnt read my previous blog, about the wonderful chats with my beautiful friend Courtney you are not going to know what i'm talking about when i say we have been up the entire night (it's nearly 6am here in England!) talking letting out all our stress and worries and talking about everything and anything, and we got onto the subject of music, something that really for both of us is our lives, I very much rely on music when i'm having a bad day, and i know Courtney does too because she tells me enough when i tell her about my latest music obsession. Well we have literally just been sending back and forth music and ive sent her stuff and been like 'oh ive sent that to 'insert name here' and she if she knows them knows exactly why i sent it to them *ahem* Roshni... and with me sending her Dream like new york (and incredible song i will blog about asap! i need to get back to motivating you guys who are so loyal and read my blog everyday!) Ok wait i'm loosing track of myself again, again lol, i need to get back to this blog, and what i want to say this time, by the way i am sorry for the amount of blogs ive been doing recently i have just had even more to say than normal and with my big gob i can't keep most of it in! ok. im really going to write the real blog right now.  Well she just asked me if i had heard of a song called 'We just go on' by Pixie Lott...I hadn't so she basically sent me the link and told me to listen to it. and just oh my gosh you guys! This song sums me up perfectly right now, every thought and every feeling it was like it was coming out in this song, i love how she always end with 'we just go on' it made me think really deeply because after all we do that don't we? We don't have a choice but to go on with our lives regardless of what happens in them, you can't put life on hold, despite how much i have wanted to do that recently, you can turn back time, you just go on and thats the only thing to do, I just thought that i would share this song with you because i am so obsessed :)  Just go on guys because you'll be better for it, you'll become a better person a strong one....:) 

What happens when the water runs away?
What happens when the sunlight starts to fade?
What happens when I love you comes to late?
When things go wrong, we just go on
What happens when you got no more to give?
What happens when there's nothing left to live for?
What happens when the one you love is not the one you're with
When things go wrong, we just go on

No ones scared of flying, were just scared of crashing down
No ones scared of falling, were just scared to hit the ground
Even if your heart gets broke, you're stronger then you'll ever know
When things go wrong, we just go on

What happens when your best is not enough?

What happens when your soul mate is already in love?
How you meant to pick the pieces up
When things go wrong, we just go on

No ones scared of flying, were just scared of crashing down
No ones scared of falling, were just scared to hit the ground
Even if your heart gets broke, you're stronger then you'll ever know
When things go wrong we just go on
We don't need much, much of anything no
Just the hope of what tomorrow brings [x2]

What happens when your lucky numbers wrong?
What happens when you lose someone you've always counted on?
What happens when it feels like life's just stringing you along?
When things go wrong, we just go on
When things go wrong, we just go on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr_DyQxRWVc

Make it a better place

'I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those, who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return'
I was just listening to the wicked soundtrack, which i do actually one hell of alot...and i got thinking about a friend of mine who i met totally randomly a few years ago.
So this girl, makes the lyrics to this song so significant...Do you know when you meet someone and the instant they look at you, and speak for the first time you KNOW they are going to understand you and you will be friends? Well this is what happened with this girl. The first time i met her i was crying quite abit...well alot. I was thinking about alot of things and my head was away somewhere in the clouds....she came over to me and asked me for a hug, and let me just explain this...i never let people hug me a few years ago...literally wouldnt let anyone touch me, unless i knew them really well, and from that moment i just KNEW i could trust her with my life and my heart. I don't think she even knew i didnt like hugs...i guess she just saw it in my body language that instant pull back, arms crossed, head down thing i done instantly to try and get away from the situation.
I don't know why i decided to write this blog, but i just felt it had to be done, I want the world to know there is such things as angels...because this girl i'm talking about is one of them.
I love how we sat for hours upon hours just talking about our lives and everything that had happened and the crazy thing was, she had gone though everything i went though, and am going though when she was my age if not more than me...out of all the thousands of random people i could have started talking to, it was her!
Ahhh i cannot even think of the words to write what i want to say, it's one of those annoying situations where you know exactly inside your heart but when out, it just gets lost in a total catastrophe of words and sentences all thrown in together. It's hard to explain because normally in a situation like this i could say oh shes one of my best friends, but shes really not...I love her to death and back and would literally take a bullet for her just to see her smile...so it's not that i don't care either because i REALLY do..i think like for good says, she was brought into my life for a reason, and i really think thats the only way i can describe it. Some people a naturally meant to find each other because they are soul mates and destined to either be lovers or best friend.or sometimes both...then you get the other people we meet, than come in and out of your life...and change you in the most tiny but very significant ways, they do not normally stay long, and theres only SO much they can teach you. Well with this girl is constantly changing me still even years later, thats why i feel so blessed to have her, she really has helped me to grow, and i know that right now im in a fucking crazy mood and all over the place but within that i have reached an inner calm which i had never managed to reach before i knew her...It's an amazing feeling having someone you can talk to who you know is not going to blab it to your circle of friends...because they dont know any of them, and of whom actually understand the situation you are going though.
This weekend i got to spend some time with her after what seemed to me to be years...and it's the caring and how happy my heart felt at that moment, I really do think that talking face to face is much better than over a chat, because more feelings and love can go into it...you can see more what is real, and what is not. I felt so amazed that she even wanted to see me, i am actually an epic fail and normally make everything suck..or at least i think so and thats all that matters to me!!!! It just lifted my spirits up so much and made me feel a million times better about myself..i got home that day and just walked around singing the entire day (namely all RENT) but i was singing all day...something i have not done in a really long while!
So yeah i believe in angels and i believe that people come into our lives for a reason, i want for everyone who reads this to say hello to everyone and get to know everyone at every opportunity you get..because you never know who can change you life...if you had told me a few years back i would meet someone who changed me and would even give me a reason to live when i was suicidal, i would have laughed in your face, but now...i believe in the things unseen...the little things that draw people together and help to make them and (hopefully in time) the world a better place.
Thank you for reading.

From a different angle....

Today was, i think, one of the most inspiring days I have had in a long while. My urban class for a start, even though i couldn't dance, i got to see SUCH A DIFFERENT side to all my class mates, i got to see them dance with passion and with hope in their hearts, and it was amazing....

Some of the girls in that class, never express themselves, but oh my gosh, today i had tears in my eyes, i literally was so close to crying it was unreal. My tap class could have gone better considering i was in too much pain with my head and neck to even sit in a class haha! But then tap is tap i adore it no matter what way it is presented to me, even more so than any other form of dance.

Finally i had my acting class, normally by this lesson EVERYONE is tired and fed up, it's Friday afternoon, we have been dancing all day, and literally everyone is pooped and just wants to go home! But today we started on a new assessment based on the style of epic theatre, we got this sheet with all the different topics we were aloud to cover and then got into groups to start the task of creating and devising a performance...I've never been able to talk so openly in a place like that about all the problems i have had in my life, and for once, i was not afraid, We also got allot of work done...I don't know, i think that two passes and two merits for my previous assessment..well not exactly good is it? Ok so i thought i would have failed for sure but still not amazing, I have a feeling about this one though, i am so ready to put my heart into this and DIVE HEADFIRST into this challenge, i cannot wait!

to be continued.......