When you can't sleep

So here i am, lying awake yet again and letting my mind wander to far away for what is a safe limit. I've not been sleeping recently and it's quite honestly making me feel like total shit, the only time i sleep is where i am conk out on the sofa during the middle of the day because i am so exhausted..Urghh it's just really pissing me off, and considering i only sit on facebook i though i might write a little blog instead.
To be perfectly honest 2011 has not exactly been a good year for me, if possible i actually think it has been one of the worst! and thats saying something. When you get older its harder to make it look like you ok all the time than what it is when your child...and what with turning 19 and having more shit put upon my shoulders it's been pretty rough, and even what job i did do of it was a pretty shit one. This year i have pushed so many people away, so so many and that hurts my heart especially when i thought that person was a good friend of mine...So therefore i'm gonna try and look at 2012 as a new start..LOOK TO THE FUTURE..i mean i could get hit by a bis tomorrow and killed, but it's still good to plan right...!?! I've been thinking about what would be a good new years resolution for this one coming, in the years previous i have normally pissed about and made stupid ones, ones of which i honestly now can say, i had no intention whatsoever of keeping, or even TRYING to keep....I think that one of them though will be to sit and really go though my friends list on facebook and work out who my REAL friends are...the ones who i can rely on, from the ones that are just using me...toss the ones that are not worth it, no matter how much it hurts my heart...but i mean i don't mind to much at the moment i still have a few months left :) As for what i want to do next year, well i don't even have a clue! I can't work right now and i didn't want to be sitting on my fat arse all day long doing nothing so even though ive got my diploma im gonna go back to college and resit my maths GCSE, that one is set in stone if all goes well, and then im debating just taking a few GCSE's with it or to actually take one more GCSE...and an A-level...but i really don't know as thats a level three course and i already have a qualification at that level it wont come cheap because like the GCSE's i have to pay :(
But OH MY GOSH i have so much planned for the year coming soon, for example, i have many trips to Germany planned which i actually cannot wait for! That excites me a little, i know for a fact im going jazz fest again and dinner theatre soooooo ahhhhhhhh :) Then i also wanna get a break away with one of my friends to spain, then a trip to the states annnddd a photography trip to Ireland or Norway with my sister! it's crazy oh man!!!! I think the best thing to do is just take each and every single day as it comes because i cant do anything differ net than that!!!!
Anywho i think im gonna go have a bit of fun on tumblr ive rambled wayyyy to much on here
:) x

Horizons Performance Company

Ok so i was just looking at my blog and realised the last time i actually updated this thing was nearly a month ago, sooo therefore im gonna do it now..:)
The past month has actually been totally crazy, I've just this second finished college, (yesterday evening i got to perform in my last show) and the weeks building up to it have literally killed me, in a way, yes i admit that i am happy that its all over, but i know that, thats only because of everything that is going on in my personal life right now, and college really did stress me out like crazy. Then in another way, I'm actually totally gutted, i got home and cried for ages yesterday, some of the friends i made there, have become some of my best friends, i don't know exactly how im supposed to survive as of this fall with not seeing them everyday and most of them going off to uni, which is so far away and i will most likley not see any of them again. Also the fact i now really do have to grow up, i seriously need to think about my future and what exactly i am going to do with it..all i have done for the past three years, is danced, performed and singed my way though everything and now thats gone.
Words cannot even begin to describe the huge part of me thats sad, the bit that crushes the relief of leaving in one easy punch. What hurts more is knowing that im not gonna be able to dance like that again ever, its simply too expensive to carry on that amount of dance classes outside,,,
Moving on and goodbyes really do hurt like a bitch.
Horizons Performance Comapny, you have given me so much, and it pisses me off that i could not have given more in the final year, i hate my self for it.. I shall back upon my time here with pride and with a smile upon my face.
2008 -2011 'Keep on thinking that it's not goodbye, keep on thinking its a time to fly'