next week.

Next week i am doing another YA workshop, and the crazy thing is, i feel totally different this time around to what i felt every other year. Normally i look forward to it and get so excited, i cannot even sleep. But this year i am actually scared, and still even now, not sure if i want to even do the w/s. I actually don't really know why i am feeling that way, i mean, the Young Americans are possibly some of the most amazing, fantastic people i have ever met in my life, I don't know why, suddenly this year everything has to change, my heart is in performing still, and i still am happy when i am showing the world the beauty of music and dance. But instead of being excited i am scared, nervous, and kinda wishing this week coming would go away. I'm constantly getting paranoid about things and keep thinking that nothing good can come out of me meeting these people, and they will end up hating me. I have never had this problem before at all, simply because the YA never ever judge you for who you are, they see everyone as an equal. I'm scared this year though, really scared, and no-one seems to understand me and why i feel that way. i wish they would because it would be so much easier to do. I thank god i have a friend staying at my house that week who is coming to the w/s with me, because otherwise i really don't think i would bother, and that would make my mum mad because she has already paid the £75 for me to do the workshop and show! Ah man, i really hate these confused feelings, why be scared of such an amazing, life changing group of people...? There are some people on this tour i have met before, and they are all so amazing, jenna, best tap dancer i have met in my life,and fern, well she inspires me all the time with her singer songwriter skills, when ever i feel there is no point anymore, i think of her and how amazing she is, and that one day if i work hard enough i might be as good as that. :) to be continued.