A day with Alice.

I have this friend, she understands me to a level i have never ever though possible before. Yesterday we spent the day hanging out, and what i love is that whenever i am with her i am just generally so happy. She has this amazing gift with a camera, something thats just so beyond her 18 years, something that i never thought possible, i mean, ive seen some good photographers but she is just amazing, we spent the morning and early afternoon shooting over hornchurch country park, we took over a hundred shots, and as per normal i was 100% sure i would look ugly and fat...everything that in the modern day world is classified as unattractive, but however when i saw the pictures i actually nearly cried, there were one or two pictures where i actually looked ok, not stunning, but ok..ive never ever felt that way about a picture of myself before it was magical. I love how i can be myself around her and how i feel i do no have to hide who i am, normally i am so scared about being photographed but with Alice its easy, its natural and i actually enjoy myself, there were a few pictures which i really did look ugly and fat in, and she deleted them the second i asked. I got yesterday a photo shoot that would normally have cost me hundreds, plus print outs and hundreds of photos to show. After we had gone back to her house to look at the pictures we caught a bus into Romford and had a catch up chat over a coffee, after we had a little walk and found i stall that was doing free child's face painting, in our total childless we got so over excited and went to go and get our faces painted only to find out that they had closed for the day, i was so gutted.! Then came the fun of toy shops, playing for hours with no cares and no worries, not worrying about what people think of us, just being free. I love her, shes one of my best friends and someone who i can talk to about anything that is happening in my life, everything i am going though she is going though as bad if not worse than me, its amazing to have a friendship with someone like this, im actually blessed.

Random Vent

Urgh i really don't know where my creative spark has gone recently, i want, more than ever to be able to sit here and write the words from my heart onto this blog, but i just cannot do it. It's over a week since everything started happening in Japan, and this woman has been pulled out....80 years old, alive, and a young boy, more than anything i was to write about this amazing feat...i want to write how strong my feelings of happiness are, but i just cannot.
My heart still continues to break for the people out there suffering, there were pictures in the newspaper today and one shows a woman crying, standing in front of a wreckage, which i can only assume is her home. It's just so sad, all i can think of is getting out there and helping these people. I actually have gone past caring if i died or not...i mean, if i did it would be for a good cause right.?
It makes me so mad i cannot write out what im feeling, its a total mental block and it fucking sucks.
I have this friend and she is totally amazing with words, and i dont think she even knows it. I adore things she writes, even just little things on her wall, i found a letter she wrote me two years ago...i wish i could write like that, shes simply wonderful.
I did find out today that the YA that were in Japan are back home in America, that is a big comfort for me, there are some amazing people on that tour and cast and i would have been lost to hear that anything had happened to them.
Peace.