Learning to love yourself

I wanted to write a blog about a website that has impacted my life incredibly over the past few days, most of all last night, and this website is called www.operationbeautiful.com . It was set up by a wonderful and epicly inspirational woman called Caitlin a few years back ( you can see her entire story on that link above...) I first about this website though a friend of mine a couple of years ago, when i saw the name of the link, i will be honest, i thought it was something for maybe getting free plastic surgey, and that, is the onlt reason i clicked on it in the first place.. If i had known the objection of the site, i would never have bothered..simple as that...

However, when I clicked onto that link, the page was filled with something totally different to what i thought it would be, it was filled full of stories of courage and hope, woman who had come back from the brink themselves thanks to either finding and operation beautiful note somewhere or atleast writing one and in doing so helping themselves. I sat there reading this page for what must have been hours i thought the whole idea was actually amazing and really did cry my eyes out when i read some of the things other woman had been though. So much STRENGTH.

So i actually never took any of that website on board then, i literally hid away from the idea when it come to myself, what i did do however was go on alot of operation beautiful missions spreading the story everywhere i went...until last night.... 

Operation beautiful is freaking awesome and has done so well that it now has a book published, well i bought a copy of that book for a friend of mine who to me, was one of the most beautiful girls i had ever met but who at the same time didn't see herself as beautiful, and because it was cheap i got a copy to read too...well I'd lent that book to my sister and her entire family read it...the loved every single page, and then i of course had read though it doing the same...but then last night i couldn't sleep, so i got this book out again and read it, and i mean really read it, I looked between the lines, and beyond the sentences and words of the pages...I began to cry and realised that all this time i had been obsessing over my image to a point where i was killing myself, literally beating myself to death, over something that unless i'm rolling in it, I'm not gonna be able to change..so i might as well suck it up and get on with it...so from now on I've decided...that ok a may not be able to accept myself, i don't think thats ever gonna happen, but I'm not gonna let it get in the way of going out there and changing the world like i want to do anymore...

Operation beautiful is such a wonderful and amazing website and i strongly urge all my readers to read it... 

xxx

What is perfection..?

So i just read a friend of mine's blog, and she has just posted a blog about what really is perfection...(btw read her blog her name is Daisy!! trust me!) and it really made me think, i cannot understand my own heart, and why it is that i can read what she wrote and with every fibre of my being understand what she is getting at and where she is coming from, yet at the same time only seem able in my mind to bring these words into context when looking at anyone but myself.

I currently am sitting here crying my eyes out and not sleeping because i have put four pounds on in the past couple of days, and i'm literally in a self loathing stage, to a point where all i am fuelling towards myself is pure hatred...but really, what the fuck does it matter if i'm ten pounds or a thousand pounds...but for some reason inside it does...for any other person i would tell them that four pounds is actually nothing, and i know, that that is right, spesh as i weighed myself just after i had got home from a meal with my friends, i know that im more likely to have put weight on then , but still theres that voice, 'you've put on weight', 'your fat', 'you need to stop now', 'you cannot be happy like this.' and the more i try to push it out, the louder it gets till it's all i can hear... I am sick to death of seeing images in magazines of products offering you the 'perfect' hair or 'perfect' skin...when literally all the models used have been airbrushed to create something so flawless....because it's not real, even though it's teaching our society it is...and i don't know, but i think it's dangerous, alot of young girls these days are ending up with eating disorders and body dismorpher and a host of other body related illnesses, and it needs to stop.

Now Daisy has an incredibly wise head on her shoulders, and she said that we spend forever searching for some kind of perfection, and honestly, she could not be more right, but what happens, at the end of the day when the perfection we are seeking is not even real? because most of it is certainly not. The thing is..people always want what they can't have, so skinny girls would look upon curvy as perfection and vise versa and im not saying thats the case every time, but just most of the time it unfortunately is.

HAPPINESS as Daisy said is what perfection really is, to just be truly happy, that is perfection...

I just worry sometimes that the world is too far along in this built up world it's created to see that...

But for everyone reading this blog i want you to remember THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL in each and every single way possible, and if you are happy, then you a perfect just the way you are, forget your imperfections, flaws, blemishes, your size, weight WHATEVER and remember you individual and a beautiful human being who has been blessed with a chance to live on this beautiful planet...

:)

Ok so i can't copy and paste links :( but I was going to paste daisy's website here!!!! but please please, take a second of your time to read it,...! Her blog really is awesome!

and this link, because i know it off by heart yeyyy :) please everyone check this out too :)

http://www.operationbeautiful.com/

x

My best friend

So today i had planned to meet up and go for a walk with one of my best friends Alice, but after having a really bad night the previous evening i was certainly debating going, not because i didnt want to see my friend, but simply because i felt so shit and low, and didn't think there was any point. However,i then remembered how Alice is like a clone of me, i decided to go anyway, as she always makes me laugh..and makes me feel better about myself...she understands me to such a depth its crazy! So i pulled myself out of bed, had a quick was and threw on a hoodie and a pair of jeggings..i really did not care about anything, i just made sure i had a little bit of make up on, with a face as ugly as mine i fucking need it!
I got my nanna to drop me off at her house and then we made our way over to this beautiful country park near her home...I love it there..i mean really love it, because it's just so beautiful and just so peaceful...it gave us a chance to catch up and talk about life..it gave me a chance to get everything off my chest and out into the open, with someone who does not judge me and listens to what i have to say. We got walking and actually didn't realise how far out we had gone, and like retards, when we got to the end of the pathway we were following, instead of going back, we decided to just carry on walking and go up another path of which we had never been down before... It was wonderful walking there, as it was so quiet....so so so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop...the sun was in the sky and the gentle breeze was blowing so i was perfectly comfortable...after walking for about another 10mins we came to another cross road which branched off in three ways...thinking we could be adventurous...when knowing our luck is a bad idea, we decided to cut off the path an walk though this beautiful corn field...when we got to the other side though we realised there was nothing there except for this small country road, which none of us had seen before or recognised....So we turned back on ourselves and made our way back to the cross road..from there we actually got lost...again..totally and utterly lost...and even after about another hour when i DID find an area of park i recognised, it was flooded so we had to go another way...only then did i realise i had my beautiful iphone in my pocket and we used that to get us back on the main road...soaking wet, feet in agony and covered in mud...we made our way into hornchurch for coffee, and i actually dread to think what people must have thought when we walked in!
I actually loved every moment of today...because at start i was literally on the brink of suicide, and thank you to my beautiful best friend i have managed to get my head to much clearer and better place..for now..i love how every laugh and joke just comes natural because we both have the minds of five year olds..!
Ah anyway :) I'm going to shut up now...please check out this site!!! We plan on doing a hug mission of this around here asap ...! :) www.operationbeautiful.com