Like a sister to me.......

Over the past couple of days i got to spend some time with an old friend of mine of whom i have not seen in ages, it was amazing, full of tears and laughter, but also very bittersweet because i have a feeling it will be the last time i see them in a while, if not, most likely forever. When they walked back into my life and i spotted them in the corner of the room i could not get over how AMAZINGLY beautiful they had become, and i'm not saying that they were not beautiful before because of course they were, but she seems to get even more beautiful and even more stunning everyday. I literally do aspire to be like here in a few years when i am her age.

We sat outside with a cigarette in hand and just talked about everything and life, i've never been able to be so honest with someone, and i keep thinking now, do i regret it and the answer is no. I've had something I have been holding inside of me since i was a very young child, and i have never been able to tell a soul,one night i just let go and told her everything, it was amazing to get such a huge and overbearing weight off my shoulders. I am so grateful to have someone like that who i can be so close to and who does not judge me no matter what i say.

I wish there were around more and I literally hate being so far away, it's like they have a piece of my heart, like all good friends/siblings have, no matter what way your paths may lead, even if they lead in completely different directions.

I'll never forget this time, because yet again it has helped shape who i am, and has made me a much better person that what i used to be. It is because of people like this that the world spins and people have hope.

Across the Oceans

I miss Germany, i mean really miss it, i need to get back there asap...from the moment my plane took off back on January the second, my how spirit and soul has ached to get back to where my heart is. I spent all summer, some of fall, and new year in Germany last year, and they were the best months of my life. I have some of the greatest friends out there and the flights are short and cheap, which is awesome because i don't have lots of money and i really hate flying.

I keep dreaming about the beautiful houses and plants and everything that is in Germany, it's just so clean it shocks me, i didn't know a country could be that clean. I really can see myself moving out there for good one day, ok so not right now, because i don't have the money and my German is crap!

I feel so happy there and at peace with myself, sure there are things i don't like, but then nothing is perfect, but the amount of good things far outweigh the bad, and are also far more significant in general.

I know i'm going back for a weekend in june to go to a festival, i wish i was going longer, because that would just be amazing, but right now i need to be home, where my dancing is...i hope i'll get to go more in the later months, or more, i have too, my soul depends on it.

One of my best friends lives there and everytime i go though something hard, i pray for them to be by my side...i miss the laughter all the time, and just how carefree life was..a lot like life when you are younger you live for the day. When i'm out there i do that, just because i simply do not care what is around the corner, because what will be will be and my present is fantastic.

Germany has my heart entirely, it's my home away from home.

Oh i miss.....

Missing a muse

I really don't know what has happened to me recently, i mean, normally writing is just something that comes so naturally to me, but now, everything is so different and i can never seem to find the words inside me soul to say what i really feel. It sucks. big time. When I cannnot dance or ride, I am left stuck in this world where i can do a big fat nothing to express myself apart from words, and when they fail me too...well...

It's not that I'm not thinking the same things as i always do, i am, and everyday i am STILL praying and hoping for Japan and for everyone there to be well and ok, but at the same time, i cannot find the words to write or speak, to bring comfort to those who need it. People tell me i am gifted with words, well if that is true then what the hell is going on with me right now!?!?

I hate it, I've lost my muse and with it my spirit, i know

thats stupid because it's only writing and words, but for me they have so much power,i don't know what to do without them. I need to get on with my college work, and even though that is all fact based and case study stuff, i just cannot find the motivation inside myself to start it.

I believe words and poetry have so much power that it's unreal, which is why i am sitting here getting so frustrated with myself, if anyone finds my muse ship them back to me ASAP? thanks :) x