This innocence is brilliant.......

If we hold on together, I know our dreams will never die. Dreams see us though to forever...as high as souls can fly. The clouds roll by, for you and I.....

Last week i yet again got to do another YA workshop. This year though, instead of being able to put all my heart and soul into it like i did previous years i had to hold back the entire time. It was frustrating, for myself and for i would think most of the YA. They were asking me to sing for them, and to dance for them, and i was literally so scared, paralysed with fear. I knew in my heart they would be supportive, because they have been, every single year. But i just could not do it this time, even are all the coaxing and begging. I hated myself for that, one of the YA said to me

'you have paid £50 for this workshop and it saddens me that you don't want to take part'

I understood where he was coming from and I felt really bad for it. This year i changed, or i have changed since the last workshop at least. I couldn't let go and enjoy myself like i used to in earlier workshops, i just know because of this, i highly doubt i will do another workshop, although, i do recommend it to anyone anyway. I did get one hell of alot from it.

Anyway, the point of writing this blog was simply because I was just looking through my YA photo album on facebook and my laptop, and it actually made me cry..alot. When i was younger i was so innocent, i think my first workshop i was only about 14..? Since then, somethings have really changed, ive grown up and made so many mistakes, it more and more takes away the innocence and beauty of doing workshop. Last year i made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and even though i am moving on from it now or trying, i dont think i will ever be able to get over it entirely. I think, that it got blown out of proportion, i mean, it was no way as bad as some people made it out to be, but still, that took away for me, the beauty of workshop. But i was scared to be there this year and to be doing the workshop, again that was/is a really stupid feeling to have. I wish i could go back to the innocence of childhood. I miss it...I miss it so much.