Movin on but we can't slow down

'flying without wings.. you find it in the deepest friendship the kind you cherish all your life'
ok, i need to write i need to blog because this something i need to get out now because otherwise i will just let it sit around on me and it will do no good, and currently i am can see the good in it so i thought how about write about it now?
Literally i have spent the past 45/50 minutes talking with my sister about the fact that she had an incredible day in york today when she went to see her uni...Like literally all my best friends  are amazing they got offers literally straight away from every uni they applied to, and don't get me wrong i am SO proud of them all, so proud you would not believe but at the same time i can't believe my sis is going to be so far away. Emma will be in London somewhere hopefully...that i can deal with but Alice will either be somewhere in York, Wales or Birmingham and the whole idea of that scares me like fucking crazy...

I don't know quite how i am going to function with my bestest friend in the entire world so far away..this person...has been there though everything with me, i can't think of someone who's been there more..this girl i have shared my best moments with, my happiest but yet at the same time also my worst.. The time i downed a large vodka, slashed myself to pieces and was fully intent on killing myself and Alice happen to call me...she knew i was not ok, was round and just hugged me, regardless of the blood, regardless of her uniform regardless of me having no make up on..she was there... She was there when i wouldn't stand up to the doctors for my treatment and she was the one that stood up and said hey this is not right....The time i was in recus and the doctors thought i had broken my neck and back and she held my hand till 4am in the morning talking to me, even when she wanted a drink, even when she needed the toilet..no matter what...THAT is what friendship is about..., you don't always have to agree with someone, i mean the amount of disagreements we have is just stupid, but it gets to point where you agree to disagree.  She understands me on a level that noone else i know does and that for me alone is amazing...i adore that... I mean this one time she sat up hugging me all night when i was crying till like 5am, even though she had school in the morning. It's always like that with her at the end of the day. She will always put others before herself regardless of what that means. She is amazing i am so blessed to have her as my friend and have her in my life.

So this is basically why i'm finding it hard to think that she is going to move so far away...like i was sitting here crying so much, she is the other half of me...I don't really know where i'm gonna go when i'm hurting. If i went to anyone it was to her.
Growing up scares the fuck out of me, i thought that at 20 i wouldn't have to go though this, i wouldn't have to deal with goodbyes like this anymore, at the end of the day i was wrong regardless, everything comes to an end and it will do though out my life. I can't believe this is actually happening and that she's really gonna be going. Her mom was certainly right when sdhe said i will be visiting her 24/7 (i hope i can anyway). She's come though so much, and i really really...am so happy 'take these broken wings and learn to fly' she certainly is going to do that. This summer, i know saying goodbye is going to be the hardest thing ever...it's gonna break me, but i know there is a huge part of me that will always be with her and vise versa..you cannot...you cannot impact someones life that much and not leave a big handprint.
I know this has to happen for both of us, we need to both grow, she needs the uni degree, and i want to travel...it's a matter of stepping out into the sun alone, no more hiding away unless there is someone there to hold me.
Just gah! When we were in hospital together i had my sax, our teacher was on the piano and she was singing to bridge over troubled water..thats gonna stay with me forever i know it will...whenever i hear that song i think of Alice...she is my bridge over troubled water, pretty much every time.
This blog is basically dedicated to her, oh my gosh I'm all teary again now but i just needed to write this... My beautiful little sis you are amazing and i am so proud of you, i can't believe this is going to be happening soon and that we will have to say goodbye, the talks of uni always seemed forever away and now here it is..please don't forget me, because i won't forget you, you will be with me, a part of my heart wherever i go whatever i do..and when i am in Africa helping all the children i will tell them of you and the importance of friendship and how a real friend is more precious that any gift...and amount of money...anything. I'll teach them no matter how bad things get, they will always have the greatest thing of all in love. I know its not till the fall that you go but i know I'm not going to be able to even put it into words then. I know the few months leading up to uni is going to go super fast..no matter how much i wish i could just pause time sometimes...I can't wait to get out matching tattoos... and i can't believe you are getting a tattoo for each of your sisters and including one for me even though we are non blood related. I love you to death and back please never forget that and i am always here for you. I don't want and hope this is not a goodbye...

You can do this do, i KNOW you can do this, the world is huge out there but girl you have the most beautiful heart and i know you can go far whatever route you take, this marks the end..but also the start..and new start, lets both make it a goodun together yeah? omg i'm crying so much,just thank you thank you thank you...You have that brain in your head to do it aswell. Spread your wings and fly. I hope your dreams take you far, i hope that you learn with every mistake, take every opportunity, i hope when one door closes that you can find a window till you find another open door....NEVER underestimate the power of a smile and how much it can change  a persons life..and you know what? even when you take the wrong route i'll be there if you want me to and i'll walk with you, regardless...though everything...go to the most special places that you heart could ever know.  and actually.? I challenge you if you cannot find a door to build one because i KNOW you can do..i know i know you can do it...your just this incredible person. This is not the end but the beginning of something amazing.
'Sail on silver girl, sail on by, YOUR TIME HAS COME TO SHINE ALL YOUR DREAMS ARE ON THEIR WAY!!!'
I love you, i really do..thank you for everything...and i really hope you like this...

Vikkie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx